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Sex problem

(9 Posts)
Sophie18 Tue 21-May-13 02:10:42

My boyfriend and I are both in our early twenties and have always lived together since we met when sharing a house at uni. Before I met him I had had several partners but he was a virgin. I've always enjoyed sex before and had a very high sex drive. However we just never have sex.
It seems that neither of us is particularly interested and we can easily go a month or two without even noticing we haven't done it.
The main reasons are that we have completely different sleeping patterns and often go to bed at different times and we're both very often too tired.
I can't help feeling there's something fundamentally wrong in our relationship as this isn't normal.
At the beginning we were often put off having sex regularly as his penis would swell up after sex and get really sore. He doesn't have that problem anymore but nothing has changed. I know I just have to bite the bullet and make an effort to do it more and it'll get easier but just wondering if anyone had any tips?

Mixxy Tue 21-May-13 02:37:22

Sleep patterns are difficult. I worked nights, my husband days. My DH has a lower sex drive than I. Might I suggest something as simple as a little afternoon delight? It switches things up on days off and is a total mental break for your P, who might associate nights with painful swelling.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 21-May-13 09:08:56

"The main reasons are that we have completely different sleeping patterns and often go to bed at different times and we're both very often too tired."

Then you have to eliminate the main reasons as a first step. Decide between you that you want a better sex-life, prioritise that, and then make a deliberate effort to a) go to bed at the same time and b) find some energy from somewhere. Early twenties no-one should be 'too tired' really...

If you eliminate those reasons and things are still rubbish then you may have to reach the conclusion that you're just not sexually compatible aAnd that's going to have an impact on whether you see a future for yourselves or not. This may not be what you want to hear but IME if you're having to put in too much effort to be sexually compatible - especially when you're both young, childless and supposed to be in peak physical condition - then you're probably with the wrong person.

Abilly72 Sun 27-Oct-13 11:52:09

quote 'we just never have sex' : quote'neither of us particularly interested' - have you not just answered your own question??

EricLovesAnyFucker Sun 27-Oct-13 13:15:43

Life's too short to shackle yourself to a guy you aren't sexually interested in/compatible with in your early twenties. If you wanted to you would be shagging.

KareninsGirl Sun 27-Oct-13 13:18:54

Why did his penis swell up and become sore after sex? Might have something to do with it...

If neither of you is interested in sex, why is not having it a problem? You don't have to have it if you're not bothered, just to prove that you're normal or whatever.
Are you happy with each other generally? If not, dump him.

ALittleStranger Sun 27-Oct-13 13:51:09

It seems that neither of us is particularly interested and we can easily go a month or two without even noticing we haven't done it.

It sounds like your relationship's just run it's course. It happens, dust yourself off, have fun moving on.

HerdyHerdwick Sun 27-Oct-13 14:00:10

ZOMBIE THREAD

op posted in May and hasn't been back to it since.
let it die.

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