Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DH has booked himself a hooker. Awesome. Help me fast.

(270 Posts)
nogoingback999 Mon 20-May-13 20:30:34

named changed for obvious reasons.
I'm going to sound cold and clinical but thats only because I am trying to hold it together. I have no friends nearby who I can tell this to.

I need advice fast. I have been trying to hold it together for the last few hours but Im not sure how much more I can manage. Just found out DH has booked a high class hooker for Wednesday night. Sounds easy to leave. Not really.

DH and I have been together for a long time and he is currently dealing with depression (on ADs) and a drink problem (just found out it was worse than I thought and that he'd been hiding the extent of it from me). I also knew he watched porn but thought it was within 'normal' behaviour for a male. We've had some fantastic years together but frankly the last few have been pretty difficult and I have been very lonely and worried about our relationship.

Today I was out in the car with DH, the kids and FIL and MIL. I had his phone in the back seat as mine was flat and I don't know what made me do it but I checked his emails. He has booked a hooker for Wednesday night (when he is away on a business trip). I looked the webiste up later and she cost 500-800 pounds. I just saw the request as in .." is so and so available for a hour or two on wednesday night?. Saw no reply but it looks like a lot has been deleted as there were only a few messages in the inbox.

We live overseas and me and the kids will need to be repatriated back to our country. We dont have that much in the way of savings. He earns a good income and I of course gave up my job to come overseas. So the outlook is pretty bleak in the short-term for me.

I have the PILs in the house for another week. What do I say, do? Numb with shock. I can't even look at him I am so disgusted I did take a photo of the email. Do I wait till he's gone on the business and then email that I know? Or have it out tonight and let the PILs hear it all??? I guess a trip to the clinic is in order as I have no idea if he has done this before sad

Advice please and fast.

You have every right to react & deal with it however you see fit to be honest...

I'd be so disgusted and angry that he'd put me at risk too. Doubly selfish and cowardly thanks

FannyBazaar Mon 20-May-13 20:47:17

Email the photo to him now so he can check it on his phone and then just wait for him to come to you with his story.

nenevomito Mon 20-May-13 20:47:19

Tell him you know. Tell him that you're going to tell his parents if he doesn't first. Creep.

Distrustinggirlnow Mon 20-May-13 20:48:31

If you confront him he will deny it and delete the email.
Is he going far away on the business trip...?

If it were me and it was possible, I would turn up at the hotel on Wednesday. I'm not saying this is the right thing to do though!! blush

It is difficult to talk about this with other people in the house. I think I would fein illness , tummy bug or something..... He may get angry when you confront him, even if he's usually placid.

I would look on the sites to see if I could find his profile. IME when you confront they deny, delete and minimise, yes he just looked, oh he chatted with someone once, actually chatted with lots of people lots of times, only met her once, couldn't manage sex, well actually met her twice blah, blah, blah....

I would try and be as prepared as possible.

So sorry

Xales Mon 20-May-13 20:48:39

One of the first things you need to do is get yourself to an STI clinic as soon as you can.

You have no idea if he has done this before or how many times. Maybe never but you need to make sure he has not given you something!

No idea whether you should confront or try and keep it under wraps until alone. You are much better than me if you can manage the second without falling apart.

/hugs

Salbertina Mon 20-May-13 20:49:01

Pls note Op is overseas and has less option to "just leave with the dc" If she leaves the country with them without his consent, she WILL be extradited back... You need legal advice, soon!

giantpenguinmonster Mon 20-May-13 20:49:10

I'm so sorry this has happened OP.

I'm not sure of the legal stuff but I think you need to be quite careful over what you do now. Could the country you are in be described as your normal residence? Is it a signatory to the Hague convention? If it is, my understanding is that he could stop you leaving.

Hopefully someone with better knowledge will be long soon. Do you have anywhere to go in the UK?

nogoingback999 Mon 20-May-13 20:49:13

I can't think about the move or custody right now but thanks for raising those points, i will be careful.

I know this conversation has to be had but I think I will puke talking about it. Prostitutes for a single man maybe but a married father coming home to me after that. Fuck he is revolting.

This is a surreal situation. hes chatting with his parents in the next room

ReindeerBollocks Mon 20-May-13 20:51:37

He is a bastard OP.

Do you what you want to do. Not what he wants, nor his parents.

A clever person would be able to calculate and plot to get home and leave him properly.

I'm not that person - I'm a throw all his clothes outta the fecking window type of person, I couldn't keep the facade going.

Please do what you think is best at this moment in time for you and your DC's.

Thurlow Mon 20-May-13 20:51:39

That's shocking shock

Just remember that whatever he says, you are in the right here. He has gone to far (by a country mile) and wanting to leave with the DCs is the right decision.

PeppermintPasty Mon 20-May-13 20:52:13

Christ I would go in there and have it out with him in front of them the utter shit flowers

Salbertina Mon 20-May-13 20:53:03

Oh OP. just be prepared and bide your time.. And btw it wasn't custody i was talking about it was leaving the country at all with dc. Personally think you should chuck him out to stew for a few days to buy you time to think.

Flojobunny Mon 20-May-13 20:53:10

I would have it out with him and make sure PIL know exactly what he's done.

ReindeerBollocks Mon 20-May-13 20:53:20

Sorry, I shouldn't have called him names.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you nogoing

ImperialBlether Mon 20-May-13 20:55:12

If you were to return home, would you have somewhere to go?

Where do you want to live?

Could you stay in that country as a divorced/separate woman?

iloveweetos Mon 20-May-13 20:57:13

I agree with hrrrm. Decide whether you want to leave or stay. Then either tell him or not

Stay strong and Good luck!

MagzFarqharson Mon 20-May-13 20:58:06

^Exactly what Flojobunny said ^ Sorry love...

nogoingback999 Mon 20-May-13 20:59:00

I could go home and back to the family house and work and live as a single woman with children in my home country, thats not a problem.

I think I have to go and tell him I know. I want to chuck him out and tell his parents hes been cheating.

What bullshit do you think he will spin me. I want to be prepared.

Chubfuddler Mon 20-May-13 20:59:50

Were the children born in the country you now live in or the UK? Is this an interim expat posting or until this happened did you consider yourselves settled there?

I would be astounded if this were the first time he had done this - it seems terribly clinical and practised, ordering an expensive prostitute on the Internet ready for his trip. I'd bet the farm he's done it before.

I'd ask your PIL in front of him in your sweetest voice if they could possibly take the Dcs out for an hour or two, as you have discovered their son has booked himself a prostitute for Wednesday night and you need to have a little chat about it.

Or while he's away on his business trip, tell them everything, ask them to leave and put his belongings on the doorstep in bin bags.

nogoingback999 Mon 20-May-13 21:00:07

I have only cried a couple of tears. I feel like laughing. Shock I guess

Chubfuddler Mon 20-May-13 21:01:13

And tbh a married man with a drink problem and a porn user doesn't sound like much of a catch anyway.

nogoingback999 Mon 20-May-13 21:02:03

Its an expat posting in europe. Been here 2 years and due to be here for another 3. Kids are not born here. Born in my home country and hold passports for mine and his (UK) country.

He is a bastard. I'd confront him in front of his parents. They're going to find out eventually. This way they won't get lies & his twisted version after the split.

Fuck him. You deserve better.

Salbertina Mon 20-May-13 21:04:02

Am sure he will deny, deny, deny, deny then maybe get angry at you for snooping, then denying still, then finally admitting but downplaying massively. Just a--n educated-- guess.

Well he's going to say it was a joke / for a friend/ just curiosity/ he wouldn't have gone through with it etc etc

You know that he will be lying. sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now