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I've been dumped by my friend and am quite upset about it :(

(201 Posts)
redandyellowbits Sun 19-May-13 21:57:41

Contrary to what this might sound like, I am not a 15 year old schoolgirl. Believe it or not I am a 38yr old working woman, I have a DH, DC, great family and friends.

So here is my story...

I moved to my current city 7 years ago (for DHs job), and didn't know anyone here. After I had DD1 I made friends with Jane.

When I was pg with DD2, Jane introduced me to Alison. Turns out that DD1 and Alisons DD were only 2 weeks apart in age, and both our DC2 were due within weeks of each other.

Alison and I got on really well, and, amongst other things, we are both in mixed-culture relationships, we are of the same background, and our DHs are of a same background too.

Over the past three years we have chatted on a daily/weekly basis about kids, families, and our personal lives. We always call each other for a moan, text every now and again, although we didn't meet up much - once or twice a month maximum as we are both busy with work, families, etc. This has never been an issue, and we are both pretty independent people who like our space.

Our DC2 were born 6 weeks apart from each other, they are in the same group at nursery and are really good friends. We usually meet one day outside of nursery too and our DC2 love this.

Alison is lovely to know, and knows a lot of people. People really seem to warm to her, and, as she chats to everyone, shy mums in particular really seemed to develop close friendships with her - i.e. they would confide in her, and then get to slightly stalker-ish stage where they want to go over to her house, or always bugging her to go out, which she didn't like, but was happy to chat to them at the school gates.

Eventually it would all get a bit much for her and she would end up cutting them out. I never met these mums, but there was always one or another she would tell me about. We always joke about how she attracts weirdos.

Occasionally she would have arguments with school mums - e.g. they blocked her car in and wouldn't let her leave as she had accidentally taken one of their regular parking spaces when she first passed her test.

The latest one has been that they found out she was a parent volunteer on a week long residential trip with her DS and these school mums accused her of 'arse-licking' the teachers to get to be on the trip.

This week, she suddenly started acting really strange and off with me - I genuinely have no idea why. I invited her and her DC to my DDs birthday party via text (because I would not have seen her that day, it wasn't a nursery day). She sent me a really shirty reply. I text her back, asked if everything was ok, she said no, not really, and I called her.

She said she had been talking to the school mums - one of whom has just had a baby and the subject of baby names came up. Now my DD3 (a baby, aged 8mo) has the same name as her DD1 (Yr 1, aged 6years).

This just happened to be a name my DH liked, I asked Alison if it was ok that we used it and she said no problem, said quite happily and with no hint that it was not ok.

So she was talking to these mums, some of them know me from playgroups etc, and started telling Alison that I wasn't to be trusted, because I 'stole' her DDs name!! They said my DD3s name was of a different style to my other two DDs, and that I reminded them of the stalker mums who used to hero-worship Alison a bit. It was so ridiculous I laughed when she said this.

She said it has messed with her head, and she cant stop thinking about how silly they are, etc. I asked who said this and she doesn't want to tell me and cause further upset. Which is really frustrating for me as I am quite happy to tell them to take a running jump.

I asked if my DDs name was a problem to her (not that I can do anything about this now!) and she kept insisting it isn't. But something they said must have hit a nerve.

This all happened on Friday. She has then removed herself from a FB group conversations that Alison, Jane and I have had going for nearly a year, we are not on it every day, but all three contribute equally and use this for every day chit chat. Again I asked if anything was wrong, and I could come over to talk it through with her but she kept insisting everything is fine.

So I decided to carry on as normal, text her about something funny that happened to me this weekend as I usually would, and got very short replies - e.g. we are chilling this weekend/I am busy tomorrow/etc. So no details or natural chit-chat from her. I can tell she has decided she is going to keep me at a distance and let our friendship fizzle out.

If I am honest she is my closest friend in this city and I feel gutted for having lost a best mate when I really don't know why. There is obviously more to what the school mums have said and I am really pissed off that she has listened to them and taken their word for whatever this issue is. I have genuinely no idea what it could be, I am a pretty honest, upfront and decent person.

I also feel like a stupid schoolgirl for being upset in this way. I am also pissed off that my 3yo DC2 may be losing her friend (Alisons DC2) because of the mums falling out. But mostly quite pissed off that I am being dumped with no explanation.

Please help me to feel better about this.

springytate Thu 13-Jun-13 22:35:01

String her along a bit, why not? imo, a dramatic 'That's IT! I'm not talking to you any more!' is just daft. Far better to sort-of not be available. ime you never know when you might bump into each other again in a practical capacity iyswim. You don't want it to be all high dudgeon. You can pretend you both just kind of fell out of step, nothing awful, just went along separate paths. Re-write history!

I have become so much more sneaky in my old age LOL. Needs must, there are some toxic people about. Cover my own back.

Laura , you situation sounds horrible! I hope something sorts itself out before too long.

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