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How realistic is it to feel 'in love' with your DH after 10+ years of marriage?

(32 Posts)
joshandjamie Thu 16-May-13 22:54:31

or does it shift to 'just' love?

I am asking this on behalf of someone. Personally I feel that the 'in love' goes and the 'love' lasts. But she feels that the 'in love' (the giddy, heart thumping, romance) is vital and the fact that it hasn't spells the end of her marriage.

Is she unrealistic?

AlfalfaMum Sat 18-May-13 23:25:44

I've been with my DH for 10.5 years, and do still feel 'in love' with him. I definitely fancy him too grin
There have been some difficult times in our relationship, where I've still loved him but not really felt 'in love', partly due to depression on my side but also due to the natural ebb and flow of our relationship.
A deeper love can grow from working through your problems together and coming out the other side.

If I loved my DH just 'as a friend', well that wouldn't be enough for me. I need passion.

joanofarchitrave Sat 18-May-13 23:37:59

I think if you've had the heart thumping bit in the past, it may well come back. And go again. And come back again.

I consider staying married to be an achievement every day (and not just on my side - I think dh does pretty well to stick with me too). The rewards are unexpected but they do happen.

BOF Sun 19-May-13 00:18:47

I think the heart thumping goes away with security. But you can still feel that delicious in love feeling that comes with trust, which is only enhanced by years of shared history and stories between yourselves.

Leavenheath Sun 19-May-13 00:22:18

To the OP who posted this thread 2 days ago and hasn't been back:

Has this someone met someone else then?

LaQueen Sun 19-May-13 12:19:36

That's a lovely way of putting it BOF smile

When I first met DH, I was insecure (having just had my heart badly broken, by a beautiful bastard), because he had loads of girls on his course, all fluttering in his direction.

But, after a while, when I realised we were going to stay together, and that I could trust him, it just got better and better.

joshandjamie Sun 19-May-13 20:23:35

sorry - been a busy weekend hence lack of coming back. I don't know if she has met someone else but she just says she doesn't feel in love and she doesn't know if what she has is enough anymore. I think what she is craving is the passion and excitement you get when you first meet someone and that is hard to get when you know everything about each other I think.

Leavenheath Sun 19-May-13 23:50:10

Cherchez l'homme then.

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