A couple of weeks ago I told DP it was over. It's been a long time coming, we've come close to splitting up so many times but every time he talks me round... guilt trips me into giving it another go.
We have many problems, but really it all boils done to the fact that we are incompatible. He's not a bad man but is (i think) lazy, entitled, intolerant and glass half empty. I'm sure he would tell you that i am a neurotic control freak to be fair!
We are poles apart on everything really, particularly money and responsibility. For the first 5 years we were together I pretty much supported him while he drifted from job to job, often with months out in between. He then got a well paid job but whilst he was there I found out that had run up £15k of debts. This was after me begging him to tell me what debts he had so we could sort it out together. He refused and told me repeatedly it was none of my fucking business. It wasn't the money itself that bothered me, it was all the lies. So I told him to go.
He begged me to give things another go. Sent me letter after letter telling me how he realised how stupid he'd been, promising me that he would be completely honest about everything. Stupidly and against my better judgement I agreed. To be fair he has/had been better since. He settled in a job and paid me half the bills. I still paid for everything else for the children and the house. I continued to pay half the bills whilst on maternity leave both times. I've known for a while he has been up to his old tricks as any mail for him would instantly disappear. Again I asked him to be honest with me but he told me he has to get rid of them as I snoop on him.
It really isnt about the money. I know some people are better than others with finances. It's the lying and lack of responsibility. We have to young children... If we both carried on like him we wouldn't have a roof over our heads.
Anyway, the money/responsibility thing was a big part of, but not the only reason I told him it was over. To be honest we have grown apart. . We don't really argue anymore, but there isnt any affection, communication or even respect. We just live along side each other owing our own thing.
As normal he refuses to accept it s over, begging me to give t another go, saying he can't live without me or the kids. Which is ironic because whilst I know he loves them, he really doesn't do anything with them or me.
I have been trying to stay strong but admit I have been wavering. I know I don't want to be with him but I feel awful that my decision means he won't see the children every day. FWIW he knows that I old never stop him seeing the children and have even offered to scrape together the money for a deposit so he can get a flat to have them, buy him a cheap car to pick them up.
Well this evening I went into his bag for a pen. I know I shouldn't of but I looked at his post. Halfway through the month he s already over his overdraft limit, is up to the £7k limit on his credit card and there is a letter with a new pin for another credit card that he was supposed to have destroyed. This is all on top of loan that he took out last year to pay off these bloody cards.
I just can't live like this anymore. He's out now but I am going to tell him to go when he gets back. I know he will try and turn it round on me for looking at his private post :(. Sorry it's so long.
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That's it then isn't
8 replies
Isitjustmethen · 16/05/2013 20:23
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