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Feeling hurt by in laws and want to move on

(38 Posts)
satsumagirl Thu 16-May-13 07:55:57

I'm really disappointed by my husband's side of the family.

We've been together for almost 10 years. During that time his family had been very nice, thoughtful and welcoming to me. In truth I probably idealised them a little as I had a poor relationship with my own family (now much better, thankfully).

We had dc2 last year and as we knew there was a possibility I would need another c section we asked my mother in law to come and stay with us to help. The plan was for her to look after our older child when we were at the hospital having the baby, and then she would stay for a while after to help out. i have always got on very well with her and thought of her as one of my closest friends.
She came down to stay when I was 39 weeks PG as we originally thought I would need to have a c section then.

DC2 was late - more than 42 weeks late. Just after I hit 42 weeks, my mother in law announced that she was going back home (she lives at the other end of the UK). Fortunately I then gave birth and she left 2 days after the baby was born.

We had DC2 last year and as we knew there was a possibility I would need an

oldwomaninashoe Thu 16-May-13 10:15:02

Putting myself in your MIL's shoes I would have been a little put out that it had been arranged that I should come down at 39 weeks then spent 3 weeks sleeping on the sofa!!
I don't know how old your MIL is, I am in my early 60's and it it were me I would have expected you to have your toddler in your own room and arranged a proper spare bed for me.
If you don't why she's a bit miffed, then I think you need to look long and hard at yourselves.
Unfortunately it seems hard for a younger generation to appreciate that sleeping on a sofa is just not physically comfortable for many older people!

A1980 Thu 16-May-13 17:15:15

Why not make a start by sending a lovely card from the children saying they would love to see their grandmother.

A1980 Thu 16-May-13 18:17:07

Why not make a start by sending a lovely card from the children saying they would love to see their grandmother.

diddl Thu 16-May-13 18:28:47

Was your husband at home with you after the birth?

If so, I can see why she went home after alread being there for three weeks-on the sofa!!

A1980 Thu 16-May-13 21:02:10

Out of interest why was it a.nightmare for you and your husband to cope with a.baby and toddler after a section? If.your husband had leave especially. does it need three adults?

Some women don't have a partner &do it alone.

DaemonPantalaemon Fri 17-May-13 07:52:55

Yep, I agree with the others that it is the space issue. And the bed. Why didn't you offer her the DC's room, then the DC could have come in with you? You really gave her no choice but to accept the sofa. And what about at night? Did she have to hang around while she watched telly before she could go to sleep? And did she have to wake up early as she was sleeping in a shared space. Three weeks of that would drive me nuts, I have to say. It really does sound as though you did not put much care into her time with you as your guest. The other family members are also probably just reacting to her discomfort. I suggest you talk to her directly about it.

DaemonPantalaemon Fri 17-May-13 07:54:41

Sorry, while YOU watched telly, not while she watched ...

Selba Fri 17-May-13 08:02:47

On a general point of your inlaws not coming to see the baby, some people are not that into babies or children. Especially if they have to travel some distance!

I am astonished your MIL agreed to the original arrangement. I think that's mighty generous of her

Selba Fri 17-May-13 08:03:30

why don't you go and visit HER?

CarpeVinum Fri 17-May-13 08:08:36

why don't you go and visit HER?

I think the OP and her DH have to mend fences first. Not sure inviting themselves up for a visit is really possible or advisable until the extended hiccup has been overcome.

It's a bit sad really. Such a small issue relatively speaking, and pretty much fixable with a genuine and heartfelt apology from the pair of them and everybody could be happy. But....from tiny acorns of failure to see another perspective, giant oaks of family rifts can grow.

CarpeVinum, spot on.

love the oaks analogy.

EldritchCleavage Fri 17-May-13 17:20:26

I can see why you both think your DH should deal with it but honestly, I think your husband is being completely daft. And odd.

If you want to know what's wrong in the relationship with his family, ask them. If he feels his mother isn't ready to discuss it, he should ring one of his sisters and ask her. Probably your MIL is doubly hurt because she feels by not raising the (to her) obvious issue your DH is uncaring about it or sweeping it under the carpet.

Selba Sat 18-May-13 00:37:27

No, I meant why not do the legwork to visit her rather than getting the kids to send a card asking MIL to make the journey to OP's place.

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