CRAP wife, mother and friend :(.. be gentle and hugs pls

[makemeslim]

Say's it in the title, My husband thinks i'm crap, my Kids think i'm crap and i don't really have close friends cause i don't allow myself to and when i do they don't like me so what's the point??
I do everything i can for everyone, so why am i so fecking crap??
Is it because i do to much or what, and how do i change things, i'm a outgoing person whom people who i know from school runs and groups ( child led) think I'm lovely,, so why is it the close people hate me so much??

I do have a overwhelming scene of self pity I've just being informed by my eldest whos birthday I've just ruined so he tells me, and i also ruin every other occasion for everyone,( but my sister also tells me the same which breaks my heart haven't spoken for over 12 months and the rest of the siblings went with her!!) God i wish i could just be so fecking great and perfect like the rest of them

[BumpingFuglies]

You're not crap. Tell us a bit more x

[JollyGolightly]

What is it that they are objecting to? How in their eyes, do you ruin things?

[Hassled]

What age are they? My older kids both went through a stage where everything about me was crap - they came out of it again.

No-one really thinks they're perfect - but what has been going on?

[SisterMatic]

Keep talking, we will hold your hand.

[makemeslim]

Today, his birthday, not a lot of money to go out for a meal, so i make a nice birthday tea, simple but special snack type stuff, he appeared not to happy when he came home so i tried to cheer him up, maybe to much, singing happy birthday, blowing whistle blow out thingy's, just tried to make a bit of a fuss, obviously didn't work, asked him what he wanted to do, he said i don't know, girlfriend not back at this point, i'd brought all his favorites and could have done without spending the money tbh, but wanted to make him feel special on his birthday, he had to walk past my hard effort to go to his room, which he did after telling us all to stop f*ng annoying him after the whistle/ singing , so i left him to it for a while, then when he does come down he shouts at someone (i'm sure he was joking,, i think!! to stop eating HIS food!!) to which i said, hang on a minute i've spent time and money to make this effort for you, this is not acceptable, the for is for your Birthday, but for the family,, He stormed upstairs to his room, then after a few minutes appeared with his girlfriend and overnight bag and screamed at me that everything no matter what day it was was about ME!!!! and i should take hold then stormed out the house, i made sure everyone felt ok and asked them to take no notice and not be upset and enjoy the food.. Everyone has been fine since and he;s not come back, i've turned my mobile off, cause i do after a certain time because i use it for work..

[makemeslim]

23 today, 19 and 6, JollyGolightly hubby makes no effort in our house or relationship and occasionally i go POP, cause I'm treated like a Mug, don't get me wrong i love the bones of them but i'd also like a thank you when i do their breakfast dinner, washing etc..

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

Your 23 year old spoke to you like that? I was expecting you to say 12 year old!

Why on earth are you doing his washing?

[GlitterFingers]

I thought you was going to say he was 7 today. I'm 23 in a few weeks and there is no way I would talk to my parent like that. Ungrateful so and so

[makemeslim]

YUP, i want to kill him some days,, Im a mug of a mom, spent all my savings on my kids, gone without myself, and now in debt to, he pays no house keeping an speaks to me like im dirt, but hes also up to his neck in debt so can only stay at his girlfriends on weekends ( when we get a break from each other!!) And tbh, id rather him clear his debt than give me money which he is doing, i think he was upset about something when he came in and i got the back lash, but i do feel gutted after the effort i mad

[Loulybelle]

Hang on, your 23 yr old son, someone who should be a grown man spoke to you like that.

Make, what you need to do, is to STOP, trying to please everything, because it appears that no one is bloody grateful for the things you do.

I'd be kicking your 23 yr old out of the house, how dare he speak to you like that, entitled little shit.

Fuck everyone else Make and start pleasing yourself, they obviously take you for granted, so stop doing things for them and they might realise just how much you for people.

[stowsettler]

Chuck the little sod out, he'll soon realise how much you do for him. I was paying rent, doing my own washing and cooking my own meals at that age.

[makemeslim]

Pobblewhohasnotoes, cause he doesn't do it propely and it makes my house stink.. But i'm going to bag it tomorrow and put it in the SHED!!!

[noisytoys]

23? Blimey!! At 23 I was married with my own house and 2 DC's. No way would I talk to anyone like that. He needs to grow up fast!!

[makemeslim]

Loulybelle, i know, i try and last about 3 days, i cant help it please tell me how to stop i know that is the answer, i lost my Mom when i was 16, and then was on my own for various reasons so i think im trying to give them what i never had, and its hard undoing what ive done all my life, putting others 1st!!

[GlitterFingers]

Don't put yourself down you made an effort for him. He was ungrateful and immature. Just go get drunk and eat the buffet food. I love buffet food I don't mind eating his share

[makemeslim]

Loulybelle sure you mean well, but not helpful

[makemeslim]

noisytoys yes he needs a mother to stop being a MUG.. But HOW?? it's me who allows this to happen so i'm the one who needs kind words of advice .. Not a attack
Glitterfingers, yes the wine is flowing,, food made everyone else eat, i'm on SW

[noisytoys]

I didn't mean to attack you sorry if it came across that way

[Loulybelle]

Sorry, Make, but he does come across as very entitled, and no one should be made to crap, when they obviously do alot for people.

It does sound like you are very much take for granted.

[makemeslim]

People take advantage if you let them, i know that, it's me who needs to change my soft ways to make them stop taking advantage, but i just cant stick to it, i was on Ad, and saw a counselor and even he said i was a mug in a nice way!!)) i just want to make people happy.

[GlitterFingers]

No one seems happy unfortunately

[makemeslim]

i know Loulybelle, as post above i'm the MUG here.. i need to learn how not to be,, i dont find putting myself as a priority easy.

[Loulybelle]

Make, i have been a people pleaser for a very long time, to the point people didnt just walk all over me, they wiped their feet on me.

Theres nothing wrong with wanting to make people happy, but you shouldnt be spoken to in such vile way.

Your obviously a nice caring person, sensitive, and people play on that.

Try and do things that make you happy, delegate some responsibility.

You sound unhappy, dont be offended by that, but you do, you need to do something for yourself, to raise your self esteem.

Its how i learned not to worry about what people think about me.

[makemeslim]

Glitterfingers,, exactly so what the heck am i doing wrong??

[makemeslim]

Loulybelle
That is me, i've been the same since a child i recognize, much to my horror, with great sadness, how do you begin to break such a mould?? My eldest is a very strong person whom does uses a situation to his benefit, the rest just take the ride, who would blame them ay.. im so fed up of being a doormat!!