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Would you date someone younger? I'm 27, he is 20.

(64 Posts)
LittleIllusionMachine Wed 15-May-13 18:45:25

I'm pretty upset to find out how young he is, I assumed he was around 25/26. We've been speaking for a few days after meeting a couple of weeks ago.

He's brilliant, we like the same things, he makes me laugh. He's intelligent and gorgeous. I REALLY like him. Sounds ridiculous after a week, but there is real chemistry and I'm GUTTED.

I wasn't thinking about a future yet (obviously!), but this has kind of bought it to the forefront. Would it work? I don't want to get into a completely casual thing, I wanted to date and see how it went. But is there any point now? hmm

oldwomaninashoe Thu 16-May-13 10:25:24

It does depend on the individual. Is he the oldest child in his family? if so the liklihood is that he will be quite mature for his age.
My DH of 30 odd years was 19 when we met and I was 25!
DS1 had married a woman of 42 when he was 31, they seem very happy.
(ds1 was middleaged from age 15 onwards!)
Give the guy a chance, age really is just a number sometimes and this is one of them!

patienceisvirtuous Thu 16-May-13 09:51:35

DP is 26, I am 35. He is a real gem and much more mature than some mid-30's men I've been out with...

Give him a chance smile

cory Thu 16-May-13 08:22:12

DonDraper is right: breaking off a relationship on principle is plain silly.

I was 19 when I met dh: we have been together for 30 years now. And that relationship looked far more doomed: different countries, no money, not much hope of a settled future.

Some people are more mature at 20 than others at 30. You'll never know until you take the risk. You don't have to have the whole of your future mapped out in order to decide not to break off now: why not take it step by step and see how it goes?

I did, ten years married now smile

All very happy - he was very mature for his age (24) though at a much different life stage to me. I was divorcing, selling my house, changing careers.

He was fresh out of uni and had been very ill with ME.

Even with all those obstacles we knew we could be really happy together though the external circumstances for the first couple of years were truly shit.

perplexedpirate Thu 16-May-13 07:56:52

Go for it! I dated a 22 year old when I was 28.
We've been married 5 years. grin

Dahlen Thu 16-May-13 07:50:36

A lot depends on him - his life experiences and emotional maturity.

The actual 7 years between you is completely insignificant. It's the fact that he's just 20, and is therefore unlikely to have much idea about the responsibilities that come as an adult, let alone a parent. Personally, I think it doesn't usually work until the younger of the couple is at least 25. However, there are enough exceptions to prove me wrong, so you have to do what feels right.

LadyVoldemort Thu 16-May-13 07:43:12

7 years between me and DP here to. I must admit we've had a few rough times where I've struggled settling so young but we've come through it with the spark still there.

Go for it, I say smile

LittleIllusionMachine Thu 16-May-13 07:35:37

Thanks again everyone.

In answer to some questions, I have a 4yo DD. My ex and I split up after 9 years last year (long term EA).

As I met him when I was 16, and I was very isolated throughout the relationship. For the first time, I've got a fantastic group of friends and am enjoying going out dancing and socialising, meeting new people.

The last thing I want is another child at the moment, I'm happy just living life and enjoying things as they are. So no biological clock ticking or similar issues right now!

An update - thanks to you, I've relaxed a little and he is taking me for a first date next Thursday! smile

Mrsambition Thu 16-May-13 07:33:42

Do u want the truth, I take it that's why your here!! Well I'll be the one to give it to you.

I am the same age as you and a few years ago was in the same position. Just before meeting DH I dated a younger guy who was 20. He had all the same credentials but deep down I knew it wouldn't work. I went along with it & enjoyed it for what it was never expecting to much. It ended a few months later, just fizzled out, no ones fault we just weren't suited. However looking back I had a bloody good time & don't regret one second of it.

Just take the chance, (these things rarely work out, but some times they do) what have you got to loose? Someday when your not expecting it Mr right will come along, until then go with the flow & enjoy yourself! smile

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Thu 16-May-13 01:30:47

As much as I think 20 is too young, and that most 20-year olds - male and female - are too young for this-is-it-settling-down-forever-and-having-kids relationships, I also think breaking up with someone on a principle (in this case, too young) when there's otherwise a spark and a feeling that he's a decent person, is silly.

paddingtonbear1 Thu 16-May-13 01:12:05

sorry, not read whole thread...
I met dh when I was 28 and he was 22. I wasn't looking for a casual fling and he was a postgrad student! I didn't expect it to last, but here we are.. married nearly 14 years.
I'd see how it goes.

Half your age plus 7 years as a minimum is a bit silly but there's some truth in it. My sister is 30 and dating a 22 (nearly 23) yo; my brother 35 and dating a 25yo so I suppose it seems fairly normal to me.

WhiteBirdBlueSky Thu 16-May-13 00:56:50

When I was 30 I dated a 23 year old. It was fun.

Horsemadmumof3 Wed 15-May-13 23:46:54

I was seeing someone when I was 34 who I thought was the same age as me and it turned out he was 28, I was a bit upset cause I did like him, I couldn't see a future cause he had no kids and I have 3 and don't want anymore so I enjoyed the ride until it fizzled out.

Last year when I was 36 I was extreamly flattered when a 20 year old started giving me the come on! In the end he won and we had a fling for 8 month, no one knew as my son's 19 and would be horrified but it was an amazing experience and I loved every min of it!

Life is for living - your only here once - go for it! x

TheDetective Wed 15-May-13 23:40:02

Mine was never really in to drinking/clubbing etc.

He was in to his xbox however hmm. But then so is my mums husband and he is 55!

I made it clear from the beginning that within a couple of years I would want children. He made it clear he wanted children within a couple of years with me.

No problems then! He's a dad at 22. I was a mum at 16. And again at 28. Age doesn't make a partner, or a parent.

If we had wanted different things, I'd have cut my losses after 6 months of fun.

Springforward Wed 15-May-13 23:14:27

This thread is really interesting. If I'd passed up the chance of now-DH just because of our age gap I would have missed out on being with an absolutely lovely man who is a pretty fab dad to boot.

But, I guess it depends on where you are in life at the time - we sort of met in the middle, he was just coming out of his drinking/ clubbing/ experimenting etc stage and was looking to settle a bit, and I, er, was still in my wilder years....

Thinking about it, the only time it has really shown was when we moved in together in the very early days, as I'd lived alone - with everything that entails - and he hadn't. However, as I told him very early on that I'd never do his washing and ironing and that I wasn't his mother, we got it sorted out pretty quickly!

workhell Wed 15-May-13 22:49:57

Oh nonsense. Mine appreciates I am older so babies will come sooner for him than if he is with someone of a similar age. As long as everyone is honest about their expectations and discusses it like adults, nothing will be a surprise.
One of the big tests was when I fell pregnant six months after meeting him when he was 20 - that was a surprise! He was the most wonderful supportive partner. That's when I knew he was a keeper.

I dated plenty of age 35+ men who weren't into committing. And plenty who were. Age is just a number etc etc

deleted203 Wed 15-May-13 22:43:51

I tend to agree with Cogito I'm afraid. Obviously, I don't know either you or your bf - but at 27 I could not have seen myself with a 20 year old lad. I was married with 2 DCs at that age, and definitely adult - I don't really feel much different 20 years later. I was certainly a very different person at 20, however, still feeling and acting like a 'teenager'.

It really depends what you both want out of life, I suppose as to whether there is a long term future in it. But I suspect that the big things such as buying a house/marriage/children are likely to be 'out of synch' due to the age difference. Estherbelle makes a good point about babies, IMO.

workhell Wed 15-May-13 22:43:09

I am 10 years older than DH and we met when he was 19! shock I tried dumping him numerous times because I didn't think he was ready for long term stuff. He kept coming back and put up with my CRAZY prejudice about younger guys. I love him so much grin Go for it!

Cherriesarelovely Wed 15-May-13 22:36:03

Agree that it's not the age difference at all. I am 7 years younger than DP and it has never been an issue. 20 is quite young but then people are all different and some are more mature than others. Give it a go I say and see what happens. Good Luck.

Estherbelle Wed 15-May-13 22:28:01

Hmmm...one of my friends was 27 when she met her "perfect" man - perfect in every way except that he was only 20...their relationship lasted 6 years, but fell apart when she was 33 and was getting seriously broody and at 26, he wasn't at that stage at all. He left her and she was devastated. 5 years on she's still single and feels she's missed the boat. Do you want kids, OP?

OneToThree Wed 15-May-13 21:16:24

I was 26 and dh was 19 when we met. Been together 13 years, married 8 and have 3 children. My relationship is fantastic in every way.

So go for it.

Springforward Wed 15-May-13 21:15:18

When things began to look permanent I just asked DH if he'd want kids by the time I was 30, and he said yes - that was that, no big deal. He was 28 ish when DS was born.

chattychattyboomba Wed 15-May-13 21:13:24

Sorry as a 27 year old mother i would not even consider dating a 20 year old but DH is 37
When i was 20 i was travelling the world. Yes i probably would have settled down given the opportunity but bloody glad i waited.

Beatrixpotty Wed 15-May-13 21:10:31

When I was 27 I was thinking more about long term things and children.If that's what you want too,it's less likely that a 20year old man will have the same time frame as you,although clearly there are exceptions.You've asked if anyone would date someone younger..when I was 27,20 would have been too young and a deal-breaker.

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