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Would you date someone younger? I'm 27, he is 20.

(64 Posts)
LittleIllusionMachine Wed 15-May-13 18:45:25

I'm pretty upset to find out how young he is, I assumed he was around 25/26. We've been speaking for a few days after meeting a couple of weeks ago.

He's brilliant, we like the same things, he makes me laugh. He's intelligent and gorgeous. I REALLY like him. Sounds ridiculous after a week, but there is real chemistry and I'm GUTTED.

I wasn't thinking about a future yet (obviously!), but this has kind of bought it to the forefront. Would it work? I don't want to get into a completely casual thing, I wanted to date and see how it went. But is there any point now? hmm

Horsemadmumof3 Wed 15-May-13 23:46:54

I was seeing someone when I was 34 who I thought was the same age as me and it turned out he was 28, I was a bit upset cause I did like him, I couldn't see a future cause he had no kids and I have 3 and don't want anymore so I enjoyed the ride until it fizzled out.

Last year when I was 36 I was extreamly flattered when a 20 year old started giving me the come on! In the end he won and we had a fling for 8 month, no one knew as my son's 19 and would be horrified but it was an amazing experience and I loved every min of it!

Life is for living - your only here once - go for it! x

WhiteBirdBlueSky Thu 16-May-13 00:56:50

When I was 30 I dated a 23 year old. It was fun.

Half your age plus 7 years as a minimum is a bit silly but there's some truth in it. My sister is 30 and dating a 22 (nearly 23) yo; my brother 35 and dating a 25yo so I suppose it seems fairly normal to me.

paddingtonbear1 Thu 16-May-13 01:12:05

sorry, not read whole thread...
I met dh when I was 28 and he was 22. I wasn't looking for a casual fling and he was a postgrad student! I didn't expect it to last, but here we are.. married nearly 14 years.
I'd see how it goes.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Thu 16-May-13 01:30:47

As much as I think 20 is too young, and that most 20-year olds - male and female - are too young for this-is-it-settling-down-forever-and-having-kids relationships, I also think breaking up with someone on a principle (in this case, too young) when there's otherwise a spark and a feeling that he's a decent person, is silly.

Mrsambition Thu 16-May-13 07:33:42

Do u want the truth, I take it that's why your here!! Well I'll be the one to give it to you.

I am the same age as you and a few years ago was in the same position. Just before meeting DH I dated a younger guy who was 20. He had all the same credentials but deep down I knew it wouldn't work. I went along with it & enjoyed it for what it was never expecting to much. It ended a few months later, just fizzled out, no ones fault we just weren't suited. However looking back I had a bloody good time & don't regret one second of it.

Just take the chance, (these things rarely work out, but some times they do) what have you got to loose? Someday when your not expecting it Mr right will come along, until then go with the flow & enjoy yourself! smile

LittleIllusionMachine Thu 16-May-13 07:35:37

Thanks again everyone.

In answer to some questions, I have a 4yo DD. My ex and I split up after 9 years last year (long term EA).

As I met him when I was 16, and I was very isolated throughout the relationship. For the first time, I've got a fantastic group of friends and am enjoying going out dancing and socialising, meeting new people.

The last thing I want is another child at the moment, I'm happy just living life and enjoying things as they are. So no biological clock ticking or similar issues right now!

An update - thanks to you, I've relaxed a little and he is taking me for a first date next Thursday! smile

LadyVoldemort Thu 16-May-13 07:43:12

7 years between me and DP here to. I must admit we've had a few rough times where I've struggled settling so young but we've come through it with the spark still there.

Go for it, I say smile

Dahlen Thu 16-May-13 07:50:36

A lot depends on him - his life experiences and emotional maturity.

The actual 7 years between you is completely insignificant. It's the fact that he's just 20, and is therefore unlikely to have much idea about the responsibilities that come as an adult, let alone a parent. Personally, I think it doesn't usually work until the younger of the couple is at least 25. However, there are enough exceptions to prove me wrong, so you have to do what feels right.

perplexedpirate Thu 16-May-13 07:56:52

Go for it! I dated a 22 year old when I was 28.
We've been married 5 years. grin

I did, ten years married now smile

All very happy - he was very mature for his age (24) though at a much different life stage to me. I was divorcing, selling my house, changing careers.

He was fresh out of uni and had been very ill with ME.

Even with all those obstacles we knew we could be really happy together though the external circumstances for the first couple of years were truly shit.

cory Thu 16-May-13 08:22:12

DonDraper is right: breaking off a relationship on principle is plain silly.

I was 19 when I met dh: we have been together for 30 years now. And that relationship looked far more doomed: different countries, no money, not much hope of a settled future.

Some people are more mature at 20 than others at 30. You'll never know until you take the risk. You don't have to have the whole of your future mapped out in order to decide not to break off now: why not take it step by step and see how it goes?

DP is 26, I am 35. He is a real gem and much more mature than some mid-30's men I've been out with...

Give him a chance smile

oldwomaninashoe Thu 16-May-13 10:25:24

It does depend on the individual. Is he the oldest child in his family? if so the liklihood is that he will be quite mature for his age.
My DH of 30 odd years was 19 when we met and I was 25!
DS1 had married a woman of 42 when he was 31, they seem very happy.
(ds1 was middleaged from age 15 onwards!)
Give the guy a chance, age really is just a number sometimes and this is one of them!

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