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Would you date someone younger? I'm 27, he is 20.

(64 Posts)
LittleIllusionMachine Wed 15-May-13 18:45:25

I'm pretty upset to find out how young he is, I assumed he was around 25/26. We've been speaking for a few days after meeting a couple of weeks ago.

He's brilliant, we like the same things, he makes me laugh. He's intelligent and gorgeous. I REALLY like him. Sounds ridiculous after a week, but there is real chemistry and I'm GUTTED.

I wasn't thinking about a future yet (obviously!), but this has kind of bought it to the forefront. Would it work? I don't want to get into a completely casual thing, I wanted to date and see how it went. But is there any point now? hmm

Beamur Wed 15-May-13 19:34:22

I've been out with someone 7 yrs younger than me and my DP is 7 years older than me.
If you like him I can't see the problem.

Righton48 Wed 15-May-13 19:35:37

When I met my ex dp I was 26 and he was 20. We were together for 10 years and the reasons we split up were nothing to do with the age difference. If you want to give the relationship a chance ignore his age. Not all 20 year olds are immature, the fact you thought he was older suggests he is mature for his age. Just say it works out? A 7 year age gap will feel like nothing when you are 37 and he is 30.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Wed 15-May-13 19:38:25

I met someone when I was 32 and he was 23, we both knew it was serious within a week. Lived together for 3 months, got married a year after we met and had 3 children.
28 years later we're still hanging in there with no more difficulties than any other partnership.
Except he's an old fart and I'm not grin

LittleIllusionMachine Wed 15-May-13 19:55:40

Thank you so much for the encouragement and positive stories, made me feel a lot better! Its just a gut feeling...this one could be a keeper.

Megsdaughter Wed 15-May-13 20:01:49

Dh was 28 when we met, I was 38, 16 years later we have been married for 13 years smile

Cakeisyummy Wed 15-May-13 20:01:57

Younger men are hard to deal with if you want to settle Down as it takes them longer to mature... If its fun why not just make sure you don't look past the deal breakers at the start... X

Squitten Wed 15-May-13 20:05:54

Would I date him? Erm... lots of sex with a young hot bloke? YEAH!!

Doesn't mean he's going to want to settle down though and, if you were going to start dating, you really should keep your expectations low until you get to know him better. But that applies to any dating TBH. Relax and enjoy!

Bowlersarm Wed 15-May-13 20:11:21

Definitely go for it.

We have three sets of close friends with a greater age difference than that, and that way round, with very successful marriages, DC's etc.

Can definitely work and not necessarily a waste of time.

So go on a few dates to start with and see what develops.

chrome100 Wed 15-May-13 20:36:03

My DP was 20 when we got together and I was 29. We are now 22 and 31 and live together. It's fine. If it's meant to be it'll work out and if not it won't. You don't know til you try. Like you, I thought he was older and was gutted to find out how young he was and it did put me off but I'm really glad I gave it a shot.

ajmc67 Wed 15-May-13 20:38:36

I don't see any problem at all with the age difference. In fact I see no problem at all with any age gap. If you like each others company, just relax and enjoy it and see where it goes. It's no big deal, you're both adults and age is just a number. I'm 45 and bf is 22 and we've been together just over 4 years (been living together for 2 and a 1/2). I know it's not conventional and many people have raised eyebrows in the past, but frankly it is none of their business!

Half your age and add 7 is the rule. He passes! Some boys are men more quickly than others so why not give it a go IF you're both looking for the same thing?!

AViewFromTheFridge Wed 15-May-13 20:44:39

Frebbie, I thought I must have missed the bit in the OP where she said not only is he 20, he's also the son of God!

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 15-May-13 20:47:43

DH was 20 when we met..I was 26.

Now he is 35 and I am 41 wink

ajmc67 Wed 15-May-13 20:48:51

'The rule' was concocted by whom??? And what made them think they were the fountain of all knowledge about relationships? I say the rule is crap.

Beatrixpotty Wed 15-May-13 21:10:31

When I was 27 I was thinking more about long term things and children.If that's what you want too,it's less likely that a 20year old man will have the same time frame as you,although clearly there are exceptions.You've asked if anyone would date someone younger..when I was 27,20 would have been too young and a deal-breaker.

chattychattyboomba Wed 15-May-13 21:13:24

Sorry as a 27 year old mother i would not even consider dating a 20 year old but DH is 37
When i was 20 i was travelling the world. Yes i probably would have settled down given the opportunity but bloody glad i waited.

Springforward Wed 15-May-13 21:15:18

When things began to look permanent I just asked DH if he'd want kids by the time I was 30, and he said yes - that was that, no big deal. He was 28 ish when DS was born.

OneToThree Wed 15-May-13 21:16:24

I was 26 and dh was 19 when we met. Been together 13 years, married 8 and have 3 children. My relationship is fantastic in every way.

So go for it.

Estherbelle Wed 15-May-13 22:28:01

Hmmm...one of my friends was 27 when she met her "perfect" man - perfect in every way except that he was only 20...their relationship lasted 6 years, but fell apart when she was 33 and was getting seriously broody and at 26, he wasn't at that stage at all. He left her and she was devastated. 5 years on she's still single and feels she's missed the boat. Do you want kids, OP?

Cherriesarelovely Wed 15-May-13 22:36:03

Agree that it's not the age difference at all. I am 7 years younger than DP and it has never been an issue. 20 is quite young but then people are all different and some are more mature than others. Give it a go I say and see what happens. Good Luck.

workhell Wed 15-May-13 22:43:09

I am 10 years older than DH and we met when he was 19! shock I tried dumping him numerous times because I didn't think he was ready for long term stuff. He kept coming back and put up with my CRAZY prejudice about younger guys. I love him so much grin Go for it!

deleted203 Wed 15-May-13 22:43:51

I tend to agree with Cogito I'm afraid. Obviously, I don't know either you or your bf - but at 27 I could not have seen myself with a 20 year old lad. I was married with 2 DCs at that age, and definitely adult - I don't really feel much different 20 years later. I was certainly a very different person at 20, however, still feeling and acting like a 'teenager'.

It really depends what you both want out of life, I suppose as to whether there is a long term future in it. But I suspect that the big things such as buying a house/marriage/children are likely to be 'out of synch' due to the age difference. Estherbelle makes a good point about babies, IMO.

workhell Wed 15-May-13 22:49:57

Oh nonsense. Mine appreciates I am older so babies will come sooner for him than if he is with someone of a similar age. As long as everyone is honest about their expectations and discusses it like adults, nothing will be a surprise.
One of the big tests was when I fell pregnant six months after meeting him when he was 20 - that was a surprise! He was the most wonderful supportive partner. That's when I knew he was a keeper.

I dated plenty of age 35+ men who weren't into committing. And plenty who were. Age is just a number etc etc

Springforward Wed 15-May-13 23:14:27

This thread is really interesting. If I'd passed up the chance of now-DH just because of our age gap I would have missed out on being with an absolutely lovely man who is a pretty fab dad to boot.

But, I guess it depends on where you are in life at the time - we sort of met in the middle, he was just coming out of his drinking/ clubbing/ experimenting etc stage and was looking to settle a bit, and I, er, was still in my wilder years....

Thinking about it, the only time it has really shown was when we moved in together in the very early days, as I'd lived alone - with everything that entails - and he hadn't. However, as I told him very early on that I'd never do his washing and ironing and that I wasn't his mother, we got it sorted out pretty quickly!

TheDetective Wed 15-May-13 23:40:02

Mine was never really in to drinking/clubbing etc.

He was in to his xbox however hmm. But then so is my mums husband and he is 55!

I made it clear from the beginning that within a couple of years I would want children. He made it clear he wanted children within a couple of years with me.

No problems then! He's a dad at 22. I was a mum at 16. And again at 28. Age doesn't make a partner, or a parent.

If we had wanted different things, I'd have cut my losses after 6 months of fun.

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