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My boyfriend hates my guts, please help me ltb

(605 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread. Read here.

Mouseyinmyhousey Wed 15-May-13 17:15:43

Back story is that I have been with my boyfriend over four years, I have one dc from a previous relationship, dc was a baby when boyfriend and I got together so boyfriend is all dc has ever known as 'dad'. Relationship was great to begin with and it was always envisaged that we had a future, marriage, moving in together, him being a parent to dc. He talked about the 'future' moreso than me as I didn't go in to it expecting anything.

After about a year together a started wanting a bit more. Eating together as he'd always eat at his mums, planning to move in together, him not dropping me last minute to see mates, him not speaking to women online he'd met on chatrooms. He withdrew massively at this point and I was made to feel as though I was mental and possessive for wanting a bit more commitment. And I actually doubted myself in a big way.

Since then I'm ashamed to admit he's pretty much treated me like shit, he's very good at taking me for a nice dinner or buying me a lovely present but he's pulled so many stunts, breaking up with me, lying and going behind my back, leading me up the garden path only to drop me like a lead weight, I'm mad really not to have just called it a day. I can't possibly go into it all as I'd be here all night but he has pulled some pretty rotten stunts.

Around Christmas time after something else happened I decided enough was enough and ended things. He wasn't too bothered at first but after a few weeks started begging me to get back together, he knew he'd been an idiot, knew he needed to commit, hadn't realised what I meant to him and what he really wanted in life.

I'd had a good few weeks to think things over in my own head and had decided that I wasn't crazy for wanting a boyfriend who was a partner, who after 4 years together would move in, get married, let me get closer to his family as they so desperately want but he's kept me at a safe distance. I knew what I wanted and told him so and that I wasn't going to pretend anymore.

He agreed it was absolutely what he wanted too. He made a huge gesture and bought me a new car as my old one was falling apart, well I put a bulk to it and my old car as deposit but he put most of the money to it. This was one of the things we have argued about in the past as he has a sports car sitting in the garage, a nearly new car, a sports bike and a work van, while I was driving me and dc round in a car with the brakes going. While boyfriend was happy to lodge in my house half the time letting me feed him and do his washing. So I suppose it was his way of showing me that he does care.

Things were a bit better for a few weeks, but then he just went back to his old self.

We just had a lovely weekend it was his birthday and I took him shopping to buy some gifts, we went for a nice meal, got on really well.I raised the subject of the future and it's all come tumbling down again. He's decided that I'm not happy as I'm always 'at him' about moving in or getting married. He needs some space as he can't see how it's going to work. With him this usually leads to weeks of not speaking until he decides he misses me and got it all wrong.

He left a few things here at the weekend and has snuck back in while I was at work to take them. He doesn't have a key and he'd actually snuck my back door keys out so he could get in when I wasn't here. I've also found out he's had the week off work and made out he only ahd the day off, probably because he was scared I might have a few days off too.

I don't know what more I can do to make this man happy, I'm a nice person, I'm kind and I love him very much, I think that I'm attractive and I'm sure he finds me attractive, we have fun and lots of laughs, we've lots in common, we get on well generally and I feel a spark as in we always have lots to talk about and we're very affectionatte to one another.

I can't be doing with the games anymore, all I want is a normal life together but he seemingly doesn't want the same as me. He has a new issue with me every few months. It's getting ridiculous, my dc has started missing him terribly when he goes home and even crying for him.

I have to call it a day don't I? But I don't know how to stay strong.

Viking1 Wed 14-Aug-13 08:05:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tiredemma Wed 14-Aug-13 08:08:43

I never questioned at all that this was a trolling thread- and when I saw the link yesterday I said to myself
"what bullshit- that knuckle dragging moron wouldn't have the imagination to start such a thread"

idiots.

Viking1 Wed 14-Aug-13 08:09:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Okay...I'm not trawling through their shite site so I will leave it at that. It's a shame, as you say it casts doubt over the motivation of a lot of people posting on here, but don't disregard the really good advice and support you have had and can continue to get smile

sunshinemeg Wed 14-Aug-13 16:34:52

I have read through this whole thread with avid interest. I was shocked with the trolling issue, but feel it has really detracted from the main focus if the thread, which was to a) give mousey the confidence, strength, and willpower to finally break away from such a negative partner. But also b) to provide others with a source of strength to deal with potential similar situations.
That said, I feel the need to leave my own words for mousey, I hope you are still reading it OP.

I have been in a similar situation although thankfully for not as long as your 4 years. When I broke away I found a few things helped me to maintain my resolve, they may also help you.
1. I told everyone, I was brutally honest, and they were in return. They made it clear that I would be an utter idiot to take him back, and that made me more determined to show them I WASN'T that idiot.
2. Mum took me to the doctor (at 29 myself I didn't see that one coming!!) the doctor asked me lots of questions and showed me I was suffering from depression. I went on medication for 6 months which very much helped me stay strong.
3. I made sure to keep busy. It meant changes in my lifestyle but also meant I wasn't lonely and didn't miss him.

I'd also suggest deleting his number, then his texts so you can't be tempted in a weak moment to make contact, and whatever, do NOT open the door even a crack if he shows up, you only know he will force his way in.
Stay strong!!!

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