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My boyfriend hates my guts, please help me ltb(605 Posts)
MNHQ have commented on this thread.
Back story is that I have been with my boyfriend over four years, I have one dc from a previous relationship, dc was a baby when boyfriend and I got together so boyfriend is all dc has ever known as 'dad'. Relationship was great to begin with and it was always envisaged that we had a future, marriage, moving in together, him being a parent to dc. He talked about the 'future' moreso than me as I didn't go in to it expecting anything.
After about a year together a started wanting a bit more. Eating together as he'd always eat at his mums, planning to move in together, him not dropping me last minute to see mates, him not speaking to women online he'd met on chatrooms. He withdrew massively at this point and I was made to feel as though I was mental and possessive for wanting a bit more commitment. And I actually doubted myself in a big way.
Since then I'm ashamed to admit he's pretty much treated me like shit, he's very good at taking me for a nice dinner or buying me a lovely present but he's pulled so many stunts, breaking up with me, lying and going behind my back, leading me up the garden path only to drop me like a lead weight, I'm mad really not to have just called it a day. I can't possibly go into it all as I'd be here all night but he has pulled some pretty rotten stunts.
Around Christmas time after something else happened I decided enough was enough and ended things. He wasn't too bothered at first but after a few weeks started begging me to get back together, he knew he'd been an idiot, knew he needed to commit, hadn't realised what I meant to him and what he really wanted in life.
I'd had a good few weeks to think things over in my own head and had decided that I wasn't crazy for wanting a boyfriend who was a partner, who after 4 years together would move in, get married, let me get closer to his family as they so desperately want but he's kept me at a safe distance. I knew what I wanted and told him so and that I wasn't going to pretend anymore.
He agreed it was absolutely what he wanted too. He made a huge gesture and bought me a new car as my old one was falling apart, well I put a bulk to it and my old car as deposit but he put most of the money to it. This was one of the things we have argued about in the past as he has a sports car sitting in the garage, a nearly new car, a sports bike and a work van, while I was driving me and dc round in a car with the brakes going. While boyfriend was happy to lodge in my house half the time letting me feed him and do his washing. So I suppose it was his way of showing me that he does care.
Things were a bit better for a few weeks, but then he just went back to his old self.
We just had a lovely weekend it was his birthday and I took him shopping to buy some gifts, we went for a nice meal, got on really well.I raised the subject of the future and it's all come tumbling down again. He's decided that I'm not happy as I'm always 'at him' about moving in or getting married. He needs some space as he can't see how it's going to work. With him this usually leads to weeks of not speaking until he decides he misses me and got it all wrong.
He left a few things here at the weekend and has snuck back in while I was at work to take them. He doesn't have a key and he'd actually snuck my back door keys out so he could get in when I wasn't here. I've also found out he's had the week off work and made out he only ahd the day off, probably because he was scared I might have a few days off too.
I don't know what more I can do to make this man happy, I'm a nice person, I'm kind and I love him very much, I think that I'm attractive and I'm sure he finds me attractive, we have fun and lots of laughs, we've lots in common, we get on well generally and I feel a spark as in we always have lots to talk about and we're very affectionatte to one another.
I can't be doing with the games anymore, all I want is a normal life together but he seemingly doesn't want the same as me. He has a new issue with me every few months. It's getting ridiculous, my dc has started missing him terribly when he goes home and even crying for him.
I have to call it a day don't I? But I don't know how to stay strong.
"Can I be happy on my own with ds?"
You'll be a whole lot bloody happier than this tosser is making you. What a cruel bastard he is. Well done for binning him. You're one big step closer to Happy Ever After.
I don't feel really great or really strong. It's taken me a very long time, too long just to get to the point where I now find it fairly easy to ignore him, because I know I've given him time and chances and that he's just tormenting me. I'm also now completely convinced that getting me back is just one big ego boost for him.
I used to be scared, of being on my own, that he'd meet someone else. Those things still don't sound great but I think what's the worst that can happen. I won't die from any of these things, but I might just I'd this carries on.
He will meet someone else. Pity her.
Mousey - don't be so hard on yourself. (It's SPG by the way).
Men like this are expert manipulators, they know which buttons to press. But you know that this man is bad for you and for DS. He only cares about himself - notice how every conversation is about his needs, what he wants, what is best for him
Get the locks changed - pronto. A local handyman should be able to help with this and it shouldn't be too expensive. If you can't afford to get both doors done, then fit a bolt to the front door and get the back door lock changed and let yourself in and out there.
Bag up his stuff and drop it back over the wall where he lives. If it is feasible, then buy another SIM card and give your new number to trusted friends and family. Ditch the old phone number - that way he cannot engage with you and you don't have to worry about seeing texts from him.
Finally, if he turns up at your house then do not answer the door. Tell him - through the door - to leave at once. If he doesn't then call the police. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about - it is his behaviour at fault, not yours. Normal people do not sit on doorsteps refusing to leave.
We're so sorry, but it's come to light that this thread was started as a deliberate attempt to troll, so we're going to be deleting it shortly.
Thank you for all your kind and helpful posts - we're sure that they've been useful for someone on the site.
I'm going to report my post but at the moment there is a thread in site stuff by someone from ARSE which links to a thread on ARSE where one of their members admits they started this thread.....dunno what's too g on but bloody weird
Christ almighty - I know they talk about thread killers, but I'm like the troll fancier here! This is the second one in 24 hours that I have been suckered into
Ah see someone got there before me
We thought, as Platinumstart and others did, that since this thread had been linked to on another site, which was discussing how to troll Mumsnet, that the OP was less than genuine.
However, the OP has now come back and we realise that we have been mislead, so we've reinstated the thread.
Blimey, kind of glad I don't work at
gin towers MN towers now!
Phew! Glad that got sorted mousy!
Thanks scarlet, although I have a feeling now that some people will always be a bit suspect of me now so this thread is probably dead.
I think I've been a bit niave in thinking posting here is a bit anonymous and that the only people reading are the ones replying and chatting to me. Didn't imagine for a second some little fuckwits would be reading and having a good laugh and spewing their bile. I've posted some pretty personal stuff on here, some under a n/c which was I assumed why the thread was pulled.
It's scared me off a bit now so think I'll give it a rest and stick to more general topics.
<Blinks eyes and squints>
What the Fuck happened then ?
Mousey, come back and read your thread whenever you need to. The good advice you got still stands
And remember the pm function, too x
AOF I assumed my thread had been deleted because of something I posted in AIBU last night under n/c, nothing offensive but only think I could think of.
Turns out some sad little fucker from another site has been linking to my thread saying ha, ha I started this thread because they basically seem to hate women and everyone on MN, seem that they think we all hate men and want to grow our armpit hair.
MN have investigated and I assume (I hope) realise that I'm not a troll so it's back! It's slightly frustrating when the horse/bunny debacle is still ongoing.
I might ask MN to move this thread to the other place as I don't really like the idea that a load of pathetic blokes are having a good laugh at me and that way I can still come back to it.
But you're right AF, I have had some sound advice already and have been using the thread now more as a check in to vent.
It has taken my mind off other stuff though.
mousey really sorry for jumping in withan accusation, it didn't occur to me that someone would be pretending to have authored this thread
Hope you continue to find your thread useful
Sorry all that happened mousey. You are always measured, polite and non-troll like, so it was just for a second. Hope you feel ok.
Whether or not you post, hope you stay with your plan.
And whatever happens here, it's real life that counts (true for all of us)
Blimey - I can't keep up! Hope you are OK Mousey
Let me get this right
Some inadequate snivelling jobbie from DickheadsRUs.co.uk pretended to have started this thread ?
Yep - and poor OP got caught in the cross fire of it. But not to worry because it's all just jolly good fun and we brought it upon ourselves by objecting to being referred to as mere objects which deserve to be raped or die of cancer.
Anywaaay...as you were.
That's the jist of it. But they didn't and I'm not.
I tried to find the link but couldn't, did find lots of other charming stuff though. Glorifying rape, mocking various posters here and joking about people dying of cancer. Their parents must be so proud.
Wordy you and a few others have been particularly helpfull and got me thinking.
glad you're back Mousey. what a week you're having. 'ere you go
I was puzzling this trolling thing over and wondering why a troll would lay claim to this thread. There's a deleted post near the beginning by 'yargg' and an advanced search shows all their posts have been deleted. Maybe the troll meant they trolled this thread, rather than started it? Still a bit odd though.
Ehriic, there's a thread going on another site called arsse forum, called the site we do not mention for fear of the women's wrath.
Read that and all will become clear.
Let's just say there's a new way of trolling. And it's had its desired effect. Which was Mn and everyone playing right into their hands.
I assumed my 'linked thread' had been taken out of context but it hasn't.
There are links to loads of MN threads over there and loads of them coming over here just for laughs, so there's no way of knowing if a thread is real or not or if the replies are even coming from a good place. But I doubt I'll be using MN for anything more than general chit chat from now on.
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