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If you lost your virginity before the age of 16..............

(186 Posts)
THERhubarb Tue 14-May-13 13:25:42

Can I just ask, was it something you did willingly? Was your partner older than you or the same age and do you regret it now?

I guess this is leading on from the other thread about when people lost their virginity.

My dd is 12, nearly 13 and according to that thread, some posters were having sex at 13. I know this happens today too but I just wondered at the circumstances really.

Wishwehadgoneabroad Tue 14-May-13 14:02:41

I'm genuinely curious about this..

Those of you who were say 13, 14, 15..

Would you feel happy for your 13, 14, 15 year old to be having sex?

And would you honestly think that they were capable of making a mature, planned decision at that age?

I thought I knew everything at 15. I know now I was a child.

15 for me with a boyfriend of 3. Years. We stayed together until we were 18. It was perfect. Planned for weeks. Exciting and safe

Do not regret it at all

lisac99 Tue 14-May-13 14:07:28

I was 15, he was 17.

Whilst he turned out to be a cheating git, I did so very willingly and have absolutely no regrets as I was ready.

I spoke to my Mother about it, went to the Doctors and got the pill, and we used condoms as well. I spoke to my Mother the day afterwards and she asked how I felt, I said fine... she said 'As long as you're being careful' and I was and always have been.

We discussed it beforehand and he didn't pressure me at all - it was actually really 'nice' and didn't hurt at all (I'm assuming that was because I had tried to use Tampons a few years earlier (started periods at 9!)) and that bloody hurt like anything).

THERhubarb Tue 14-May-13 14:07:32

OhLori, I am just curious. As I say I have a dd who will soon be 13 and the replies on the other thread got me thinking about girls who willingly had sex underage.

Whilst many may well have been too immature to properly consent, especially with older men, I think we do have this naive view that any girl who has underage sex must have been coerced into it and that's not always the case.

I don't really appreciate it being implied that I am somehow giving paedos the excuse they are looking for by merely stating what is being said on other threads. It's the truth. Hard to face maybe, esp now most of us have girls at or reaching that age.

LegoAcupuncture Tue 14-May-13 14:08:40

I was 15, he was 16, was consensual. I have been married to him for 12 years now.

Tweasels Tue 14-May-13 14:09:44

I was 15 and put under tremendous pressure from my boyfriend at the time (same age)

The first time wasn't really the problem, it was more the boundary change. It was expected after that. I still have issues with sex now from being in that relationship.

Flicktheswitch Tue 14-May-13 14:09:51

DD is currently 12 so difficult to say...but I would say

13? Definitely no. Not on her radar anyway she is utterly repulsed by the idea of it.

15? She is going to change hugely over the next few years and it's more about circumstances and her level of maturity rather than just a number.

That said I think DH would find it more difficult to deal with...

I was 15 and he was 19 - and I never regretted it for a moment.

I was very emotionally mature, started my periods at ten, and photographs of me at 13 show a real, albeit very young, woman. I had hips, breasts and was very very curious about sex. Despite coming from the most prudish of families, I was absolutely awash with hormones grin

As I recall, at 15, there was quite a mix of maturity among the girls.

He didn't coerce me at all - he was worried about the age difference and I was the one pushing for sex.

BastardDog Tue 14-May-13 14:11:15

I was 15, or very nearly 15, I can't exactly remember. I'd been together with the boy for about a year, he was a year older than me. It was the first time for both of us.

When I was 17 and he was 18 we got a flat together, where we lived until I was 21. We separated because as we'd grown up, we'd become different people and wanted different things from life. I still see him around and we're still on speaking terms more than 30 years later, and we were right to see our differences as our lives have taken very different paths.

I have never for one moment considered that I was coerced or wasn't ready for it.

Lucylloyd13 Tue 14-May-13 14:12:46

14,he was 16, I wanted it, we did it, and that was it. The relationship did not last.

I think the age of consent is about right. Girls should be protected, but sometimes we want it too. No harm done.

FunnysInLaJardin Tue 14-May-13 14:13:31

I was 14 and he was 19. I met him in the pub and was a more than willing participant. I was a tad forward though

Woodenpeg Tue 14-May-13 14:16:19

I replied to your question in the other thread OP...

37 and never regretted the decision... I was 14, very nearly 15. He was 17.

It was right for me and it felt like the most natural thing... I would say I was lucky to have this experience tbh.

My parenting to my girls (2) will all be about safety, love, trust and respect where this is concerned.

wankerchief Tue 14-May-13 14:16:31

I was 15 and he was 16. We had been dating for a year and stayed together for a year after.
Wasn't coerced

His mum still lives nextdoor to my parents so I see him at least once a week, he came to my wedding

FlightyAphrodite Tue 14-May-13 14:16:57

If my sons were the same level of maturity as I was, yes I would. It's not about "knowing everything", its about understanding the risks and respecting yourself. My boyfriend was patient and gentle, it wasn't mind blowing of course but it was special.

I'd rather accept that my children may choose to have sex earlier than the age of consent, than stick my fingers in my ears over the whole thing, issue a blanket ban and then alienate them by refusing to discuss it or going mad when I discover they have had sex. I'm teaching them to be kind, respectful, decent human beings. There may be some things I would prefer not to discuss with them, but I won't let my squeamishness get in the way of that.

CatelynStark Tue 14-May-13 14:17:06

I was 14. He was 15. I regret it enormously but I was desperate for love, having been emotionally neglected as a (younger) child.

I don't want my daughters to ever feel the same sense of being used, lost and lonely after sex that I did. Thankfully, my 18 year old is still a virgin as she's not found anyone worthy of her yet smile

That makes me happy smile

Wishwehadgoneabroad Tue 14-May-13 14:19:34

CatelynStark That's lovely that you've clearly instilled such high self esteem in her. Good for her! (and you!)

THERhubarb Tue 14-May-13 14:22:58

You know, this thread is actually making me question my own attitudes. I think a little of Flighty's common sense along with Catelyn's insight is the direction I'd like to go in with my own children.

MadBusLady Tue 14-May-13 14:23:05

I was 15, so was he. Totally ready, no regrets at all. If anything I think it got a few hangups out of the way early, I'd not have liked the pressured situation of arriving at university still a virgin, for instance.

13 does seem a bit young though. Yes, people vary but that much? Really?

Mosman Tue 14-May-13 14:23:14

I was nearly 17 and he was 18, I'm sure in some countries there are laws about age differences, something like more than 2 years older and the girl or boy being under 16 and it's counted as statutory rape as the balance of power is inappropriate.

JuliaScurr Tue 14-May-13 14:23:30

Mimsy yes, I think that is most teenage girls' experience of sex with boys, not just the first time. Has it improved in the past (HOW MANY??? how did that happen? FORTY??) years? I don't think so sad

FullOfChoc Tue 14-May-13 14:23:41

I had a very permissive mother and was drinking in pubs from about age 13 (I am tall and looked old enough).

I lost my virginity at 15 (only about a month before I was 16 though). It was to my then boyfriend, who was 5 years older and I was happy to do it.

Lolapink Tue 14-May-13 14:24:28

I was 14 remained with him until I was 21, we are still friends now. Never regretted it not once.

deemented Tue 14-May-13 14:24:51

My virginity was taken when i was five. The next time i had sex i was 14 and asked him to stop halfway through, but he wouldn't. I then stumbled from sexual encounter to sexual encounter til i found someone who wanted more that a quick BJ and a touch up.

I want so much more than that for my girls sad I never want them to feel so bad about their own bodies.

Manshape lost his virginity at 11 whilst still in Junoir school. He was very advanced at that age though, and he became a father for the first time at 12 - the girl was 16.

CatelynStark Tue 14-May-13 14:26:12

Thank you smile

turkeyboots Tue 14-May-13 14:30:23

We were both just 15. Been together a year, stayed together til 18. Still good friends. Never regretted it.

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