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If your sibling and their long term partner/husband split up, did your dcs continue to have any contact with the ex partner/husband afterwards?

(15 Posts)
SoMuchToBits Mon 13-May-13 20:42:15

Hi, I could do with some advice. My sister's dp has just left her for someone else, after 14 years together. My ds is 12, so the xp has been his "Uncle" all hs life, and they got on well.

My sis is understandably bitter about the split, as it wasn't her choice. She wouldn't be keen for my ds or me to have any further contact with her xp. This is fine for me, but my ds is quite upset he won't get to see his uncle again.

How would you handle this?

SoMuchToBits Mon 13-May-13 21:00:38

Just bumping this in case anyone has any advice.

Schooldidi Mon 13-May-13 21:06:48

My sister still babysits for her ex's nieces. They used to come to her all day every day for each school holiday and meant a massive amount to each other. They no longer spend all holiday with her but they are always invited to events with sis's dcs and often come along.

Personally my dds haven't seen sis's ex since they split other than once or twice when we've been there at handover. We're civil and that's it because he's an arse. I don't think I would encourage your ds to see his "uncle", especially as your sis is upset. Maybe once the dust has settled it might be possible to reestablish contact, but not right now.

AllOverIt Mon 13-May-13 21:07:17

Ooo it's a difficult one. Have you explained to your sis that he's upset? She might have a bit much on her plate at the moment. My family kept in contact with my ex, I'm still in touch with his sis.

I think your sister is feeling very hurt and angry, but it is not fair to deprive your ds of contact with his uncle.

I wish my brother's ex bothered to stay in contact with us, she was meant to be godmother to our youngest, but hasn't phoned us once since she was born 15 months ago. They were together 10 years, we were friends, no animosity in the break up as well, he still sees her sad

sittinginthesun Mon 13-May-13 21:11:05

My sister and her husband split up. Slightly different set up, but their dcs spend 50% time with each parent. They visit my mum weekly, with which ever parent is with them that day. We often tie in our visits to play with the cousins, so are still in regular touch with my former BIL.

Guess it will depend on how they arrange residence/contact etc.

SoMuchToBits Mon 13-May-13 21:13:04

I think I will probably have to accept that for the moment ds won't be able to see the xp. Maybe when the dust has settled my sister might reconsider. We didn't see them that frequently anyway, as we don't live close, so that kind of helps. I don't know what the xp's view is, as I haven't spoken to him.

SoMuchToBits Mon 13-May-13 21:14:10

My sis and her xp don't have their own children by the way. He has two grown up children from a previous marriage, my sister has none.

pausingforbreath Mon 13-May-13 23:24:50

My Ex SIL and I are great friends, she & my brother divorced before my children were born. We see each other a lot - going camping and she will be there at half term , my kids adore her and know she was married to my brother.
My brother - My children and I have very little contact with ; the more minimal the better. hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 14-May-13 09:02:17

When my marriage broke up I lost all contact with exH's nephews and nieces. It was sad for me because they were kids that I'd known from birth in a lot of cases. I've seen a couple of them once in the intervening 18 years, but I can understand that, however badly he behaved (he left me for an OW), he's always going to be their brother and I'd only married into the family. I don't think it affected the kids that much tbh...

Concentrateonthegood Tue 14-May-13 11:30:27

In recent contact with my ex brother in law following divorce between him and my sister many years ago. My sister later died. My children were close to their uncle as I was a single mum. Circumstances just didn't allow for a relationship to continue. All these years on, I know he regrets that although my kids seem fine about it all. No advice to give but casualties of a break up can stretch out across family and friends, and for many a year. Sad.

VodkaJelly Tue 14-May-13 11:51:12

My brother and his wife split up about 7 years ago. I havent seen my exSIL since. We dont live in the same town so chances of bumping into her were very small.

My eldest DS was quite upset as he liked his Aunty and was quite close to her, she was always very good with my kids.

After the split my brother didnt want my kids to see her and I respected his wishes. Fast forward a few years and my DS1 has seen exSIL a few times when visiting my nephew at his mums house.

Satnightdropout Tue 14-May-13 12:07:32

Partners parents and brother still see his ex, the mother to his 4 kids. They're obviously not the best of friends but any gifts for the children will go straight to hers as partner only has kids at weekend. They also buy for the children she's had since then, only something little but stops them from feeling left out when gifts are being handed out. They also do the same for partners brothers ex, mother to his daughter, and her other children.
But then his family are so chilled its unreal. Suppose it also depends on whether the split wad amicable etc....that helps.

FarBetterNow Tue 14-May-13 19:34:39

I am still very friendly with my XHs sister and family (not his parents though).
I see them more than he does, but he is a tosser and they don't like him.

Jan49 Tue 14-May-13 21:22:42

I think I would let the dust settle a bit but it may be difficult to continue a relationship with her ex as there are no children between them and he left her. I can understand she might feel hurt if you try to have contact with her ex. She may just want to put that relationship behind her and forget about him and have everyone else do the same.

My ex-h ended our marriage. I am closer to my ex-h's sister now than I was when we were together. My ds and I still see a lot of her and her h and children. I particularly wanted to stay in touch with them so my ds has a relationship still with their dcs and it's nice to feel that someone in my ex's family is "on my side" as my former inlaws ignore me (probably out of embarrassment) and that's very hurtful.

I don't have extended family nearby and they would have only seen my ex when he was with me, so they've lost contact with him but never really had any in the first place IYSWIM.

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