Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Husband of 2 weeks has cheats :-( devastated

(106 Posts)
mummy2lola Mon 13-May-13 14:59:12

Hi there,
I'm writing, not for sympathy, but advice on how to deal with a situation .
Me and my husband have been together 7 years and got married 4 weeks ago now, and we have a little daughter of 6 months, a happy home, and a importable life.

2 weeks ago I go onto our family computer, and find within his e-mails messages from a woman stating "last nig was amazing, I can't wait until next time" as we'll as similar replies from my husband. I was go smacked and confronted him staright away, not in a shouting way, but I was surprised at how calm I talked about it.

He told me he did it because we've not been the same since having a child, and we've been pushing each other away. He told me he paid this woman (an escort he seeked out online) £50 and mt her at a cheap hotel for an hour, and that was it.

I emailed this woman, and spoke with her on the whole with my husband present and demanded to know everything.
She told me he booked a posh hotel with afour poster bed & paid £250 for the night with her & she wanted more..
He had told her he wasn't married, had no kids, lied about his occupation & said he had so much money he didn't now what to do with it ll.

2 weeks prior to this, he'd been on a course with work & our daughter was ill then, & he was short with me on the phone the whole time when I was crying I opulent cope alone, and now know those 2 weeks he was calling her for hours on end, it makes me so so sad.

The upshot is, that I've oven him one last chance ( he's done this sort of thing before when I was pregnant, but didn't carry it through- I found the messages prior to anything happening) but what I'm finding so difficult is trusting him, stopping thinking about it etc.

Or sex life has improved since, and we've been making more efforts etc. he's doing morefornour daughter ( he hadn't seemed fussed previously & I was buying her everything etc.)
He's been treated good at home from the moment we met. I run his baths, set his clothes out, support him in his hobbies, work etc. I cook, clean...he doesn't have to lift a finger. I also have a good sex drive, so it can't be that I'm frigid.

I almost feel jealous of the night he gave her. He said he was trying to relive our wedding night, as we had a room with a 4 poster bed, but I fell asleep on the wedding night because I'd been up so so early etc, so I didn't put out.

Please help me think of a way back to happy. I'm even considering booking a male escort myself, just to get even, and then we can start a fresh from there. E're supposed to be moving house this week for a fresh start, but it feels horrible with this hanging over me, the worry, the doubts, and e sad hurt feeling ebbing away within.

What can I possibly do? Xx

Buzzardbird Wed 15-May-13 14:01:33

It is sold as a 'dating site' but I think the name of the site gives you some clue as to what sort of misogynist would use it hmm

mummy2lola Sat 18-May-13 14:32:04

What do you mean ? He'll never find me sexy? :-(

mummy2lola Sat 18-May-13 14:32:24

Std checked & we're both clear

Lweji Sat 18-May-13 15:18:37

Just to point out that HIV can show up up to 6 months later. Keep safe!

And it's not an issue of finding you sexy or not.
He's just a cheater.

simplesusan Sat 18-May-13 20:06:51

Lots of very good adviceon here.

I totally agree that you are "the nice wifey at home."

Yet he longs for dirty sex with either a stranger or a prostitute.

The more you keep on cleaning, laying out his clothes (is he 7 years old?) etc the more he will view you as the nice wife and the appeal of another woman will intensify.

He has been brought up this way by the sounds of it, it's in his genes after all.

The fact that he is in the forces does not bode well. So much opportunity to put his cock into anything he likes.

You will spend a lifetime worrying and of course he will lie, he won't want to lose his meal ticket will he?

I really don't see a happy ending here.

There is a glimmer of hope on the horizon but that is only if you ltb and I would never say that lightly.

Good luck with your decision.

ChippingInIsMissingHerLatte Sat 18-May-13 20:12:30

Why give him another chance?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now