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I have done something silly

(176 Posts)
bowlingforsoup Sun 12-May-13 21:55:42

DP left his phone. I don't trust him yet due to cheating etc in the past. We are trying to move forward.

I couldn't help myself so I had a nose through the phone. Months worth of text messages to workmates, me, his mum etc etc. I noticed the other day Cass (they have sec history) had text him but strangely none of those texts were in the inbox.

I looked at his call log and sure enough there were records of hundreds of texts sent between him and her over the past few months. I don't know what it was about it was just times and dates of sent and received messages.

I decided to text her pretending to be him to see what happened.

Nothing really much was said just hello, what you doing etc.

DP is in the pub. Turns out she is on her way to that pub with a friend.

they will chat and realise that he didn't text her and that it was me that was texting pretending to be him.

I shouldn't have done it. He will be so pissed off with me when he gets home later.

What I don't get though is why he deleted all the texts in the first place? It was only hers that were deleted, nobody else's.

It seemed a bit strange to me which is why I looked.

How do I explain myself?

He will never admit to anything going on between them now if there is. Also, if there has been something going on surely I've just pushed them further together?

It all comes back to my lack of trust.

Doha Sun 12-May-13 22:33:50

xpost with AF blush

AnyFucker Sun 12-May-13 22:34:09

no problemo, doha smile

bowlingforsoup Sun 12-May-13 22:35:43

It takes two. Most (NOT all) women on here, from what I have read, blame their partners solely for breaking up the relationship. It is actually ow fault too. He didn't shag himself. He made the choice to take her up on her offer and cheated on his family.

I started this thread asking for advice on how to handle the texting situation. I am a grown woman who is more than capable of deciding whether to end a relationship or not. It is MY choice to end it or stay with him and i will have to deal with the consequences of my desicion. I am fully aware of that.

As for the getting her by the throat, I'd challenge any (pissed) woman who was being taunted about their man cheating on them with the town bike to keep calm and not go for her. Some people obviously have more self control than others whilst intoxicated. It seems i dont.

But, she has no commitment to you. You are not her problem. Sorry. Women, and men, can chase who they like. They are allowed to. wives and husbands are not their responsibility.
However, for the person they are chasing, if they are in a commited relationship the answer is no. the messages sent are negative. You do not treat them as a friend if they have repeatedly ignored your rejection. You treat them disdainfully. Because they have insulted you, your integrity and your partner. Your dp, however welcomed her advances, 'gave in' (although let's be honest, he wouldn't have if he didn't want a piece) your dp continued a friendship with this woman despite her insult to his partner and his commitment to you. He has done you wrong, she may be a bitch, but he has hurt you. She was just witness.sad

scottishmummy Sun 12-May-13 22:36:52

you're man is a poon. hound.once a shagger always shagger
so your issue is with him,not the one he gets rocks off with
you need to think way next,get to council if you need housing and benefits sign on

ImperialBlether Sun 12-May-13 22:37:20

Oh sorry, I didn't see the bit about you clutching her around the throat.

Having said that, I know I've reacted really badly to finding my ex in a clinch with someone. It's hard to know how you'll react, I think.

AnyFucker Sun 12-May-13 22:39:04

"town bike" shagging "your man"

is this a Jeremy Kyle forum, or a parenting website ?

and still you took him back for more of the same treatment of him doing exactly the same thing, with the same OW ?

it's not the OW

it's him

and you, for being a mug

you won't want to hear that of course, but it is true

scottishmummy Sun 12-May-13 22:39:17

demonising the other lassie lets him off hook.if it wasn't her be someone else
no,I don't get so enraged or intoxicated that I assault another woman
nor would I take a shagger back. stop blaming other women,face it your mana dog

bowlingforsoup Sun 12-May-13 22:39:25

She drinks in that particular pub every night. So does my P. That's how they know each other.

I don't really understand. You seem to be saying that if you could only trust him everything would be alright? But his behaviour doesn't have to change??? Does the magic power of trust reform deceptive husbands?

I'm sorry but no. if I shag someone that's my choice. I shagged. it did not take two to make that decision. I'm an adult who can make my own choices regarding my actions and their consequence. The same is true of my dp. It's not the ow fault too- she's not a nice person, but she did not cheat on you. He chose to do that. She had nothing to do with his choice there, he could have said no.

scottishmummy Sun 12-May-13 22:42:26

your man drinks out every night?gee he's a keeper
so lets be clear he has toddler,pg gf and he's out on sniff
you need to stop blaming other lassies and consider what to do,and set the rules

xh kissed a girl infront of me. no throat grabbing here. i turned on my heel and left him (eventually).
violence makes you as bad, if not worse than them, assuming we'd all act the same way is just silly.
drinking until you become a violent person? give it up!

he shagged, she shagged, they all shagged.

Growlithe Sun 12-May-13 22:45:42

But if you know they both drink in the same pub every night, you knew this would happen before you sent the text surely?

And if he's in the pub every night when you are heavily pregnant with a 3yo as well, he's a bit of a waste of space anyway.

bowlingforsoup Sun 12-May-13 22:46:05

I don't need to sign on for any benefits. I am being paid maternity pay until I go back to work.

Mortgage etc is joint.

I'll just have to wait and see what happens when and if he comes home.

Everyone is different, some people have a shorter fuse than others.

There is no need at all to be so nasty towards someone you don't know on the Internet. If you don't like what you read, just don't reply. I've had some good advice and can see now that really he should be the one explaining himself, not me.

Sorry for posting, I'll know not to next time.

AnyFucker Sun 12-May-13 22:47:15

Next time, just grab the OW round the throat and excuse your man again

that'll do it

scottishmummy Sun 12-May-13 22:49:33

ok,so if mortgage joint you cannot lock him out his home.ignore that advice
you need to look after your health and the pg,and set some boundaries about him being better to you and the toddler
really,this isn't about any other lassie.it his behaviours that s problem

bowlingforsoup Sun 12-May-13 22:52:47

When did I once say on this thread that I excused him?

I didn't.

He was just as bad and im still hurt by what he done but im choosing to live with that.

It's not always just the man's fault. It takes 2 and any decent woman wouldn't go after someone else's man especially when she knows he has children etc.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sun 12-May-13 22:55:11

It's not always just the man's fault. It takes 2 and any decent woman wouldn't go after someone else's man especially when she knows he has children etc.

Yep, I agree entirely.

Hope one way or another things work out for you.

bowlingforsoup Sun 12-May-13 22:55:55

I feel ten times worse than I did before I asked for advice.

I won't do that again.

Any decent man (with or without children) wouldn't be in that position.
Agree it's not just his fault but an awful lot seems to be falling on this womens shoulders.

Wow. No really, it is entirely HIS fault he cheated on you. Not hers. However much you hate her. She owes you nothing.

scottishmummy Sun 12-May-13 22:58:43

I actually think you've got a dreadful time,pg and he's unfaithful
but,this really not about the woman.its all man who leaves pg gf to go pub nightly
you're preoccupied by the lassie,it all about him.you do seem to minimise and not blame him

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