does your dp work crap / unpredictable hours?

[vitomum]

mine does. i find it soooooo frustrating. can't plan ahead. sometimes can't plan till the end of the week even! always have to book holidays last minute so don't get to look forward to them, its all done in a last minute panic. Can't commit to seeing friends till last minute in case dp's work changes. can't have a regular hobby myself as could never commit to a set evening free. he's worked all weekend and now buggered off till next sunday. worst thing was i only found out on friday so no time to arrange anything with pals. yesetrday i spoke to no-one apart from ds and by lunchtime i was looking forward to going back to work on monday. how sad is that? we have tried everything to make it more workable but it is that nature of his work - he is freelance. anyone else in the same boat?

[Kidstrack]

hi vito, dp works late most evenings, he is a heating engineer and can't leave people without heating so sometime he doesn't get home till 9pm, but then on other days he can be home at 4pm, my hobby is i attend our local gym whenever dp is home on an early evening i slip out to the gym for some me time or at weekends when he is not working i go to gym in the morning, worst thing for me is not having our dinner together, i make the tea for about 5.30pm every eve but sometimes he is reheating his at 9pm, and sometimes when he has managed to grab something when he is at work the tea goes in the bin when he gets home because he isn't hungry

[vitomum]

yes there are the occassional advantages for me too like the early finishes and sometimes mid week time off. that is a good idea about the gym. that is what i need, something i can do felxibly and spontaneously. i always thought i hated gyms but if a could find one with a nice pool and sauna i think i could bear it . i would defintitely value the me time too.

[TheLadyVanishes]

my dh works on call which can be a nightmare, getting called out in the middle of the night, not coming home and missing out on dd bedtime. He also does weekends which is crap because we can't go anywhere incase 'he gets called in'

Sometimes i just wish he had a normal 9-5pm job but his work is v important to him so i guess i have to support him

[Carmenere]

I win hands down. My dp works 2 jobs and every saturday morning and 2 weekends a month. Yes that is the sum total of 2 Sundays a month we have to spend together!! Unless he is teaching a weekend course! Oh and he teaches martial arts every Monday night. I am virtually bringing up our dd by myself
However he is doing it to provide for all his kids (and his ex and his exes dp ) and us and it is the only option atm. He retires in December so he will only have the one job hooray

[vitomum]

on call - yuk! that is one thing dp doesn't do. i would love him to have a 9-5 job as well. but equally he does enjoy his work (but not the hours). it's not well paid though so i often feel it's not worth it. he work in the arts - the technical / production side (theatre, music etc). the culture is very much that everyone is working the arses off and 'suffering for the art' - including bloody me! i don't think it is any coincidence that most of the people he works with are single / divorced men! i do worry about how sustainable this is.

[vitomum]

yes caremenere you do win! There is some light at the end of the tunnel though - i bet you can't wait for december . will having just one job give him his weekends back?

[Auntymandy]

can I join in!!!
I was going to start a thread but thought you would yhink I was a miserable cow!!
DH works sleeps works sleeps!!
Today is his day off!!!
He is in bed!!! Didnt get in till turned 2!!!
I feel as though I am a single parent!!! He hates it when I say that.
Monday he will leave the house around 7am and return around midnight!!
I have 5 children and get no help.

[TheLadyVanishes]

tbh I feel guilty even complaining about it as he does get very well paid, infact I was able to give up work so dd didn't have to go into nursery

[Auntymandy]

not that I want to ...but I think I win!!!

[Auntymandy]

I dont work! But couldnt work when he is off as he is never off and childcare is too expensive!
Thinking of becoming a child minder

[Carmenere]

Ironically probably not as he will still see paitents on Saturday mornings and still teach some weekends! But it does mean he will have days off during the week and more evenings and some mornings off. It's a ridiculous and unsustainable workload and he was off sick with heart trouble last year due to stress so I am making him take occasional days off now. Also we are planning a big holiday when he retires

[Carmenere]

Ok Auntymandy wins but only because she has five children

[vitomum]

miserable cows unite! anuntymandy i regularly have a much looked forward to day off ruined by the fact that dp has to sleep through most of it cos he didn't get in till some bizarre hour the night before. TLV don't feel guilty complaining - it's good for you! i used to try being stoic and all that but don't bother anymore. Prefer to let it all out! I do try and make sure dp knows i am not 'blaming' him - just expressing frustration at the situation.

[Carmenere]

Of course there is the benefit of almost uninterrupted mumsnet

[vitomum]

that is true carmenere. I actually don't mind the late evenings mid week so much. i can make myself an easy dinner and go on MN and watch crap telly without being 'judged'! hate it at the weekend though. i want my weekends to be a bit easier than my midweek and that doesn't really happen when dp not around.

so what are your retirement holiday plans? (i love talking holidays - makes up for not going on many!)

[Auntymandy]

he sometimes doesnt go into work till lunch time, but often gets up about an hour before he goes so whats tha advantage!
He's even too tired for sex!!!

[vitomum]

ooooh, auntymanday - is that an advantage or disadvantage? i'm impressed you still have the energy! you're still winning in my book incidentally. I'm off to M&S now to buy some 'woman's food' to console myself with this week. however, i will endeavour to think of some more hard luck stories to outdo you with and maybe catch you later on for some more moaning!

[EmmyLou]

Now if Auntymandy had only 3 children and a large dog then i might win. DH currently on the way home from Greece where he's been for 3 weeks having been at home (ie: only at work from 8am till 7.30pm, plus on phone pacing up and down garden for much of the night) for about 2 weeks before which he was in Australia for 2 months. Must admit put my foot down with Australia and took kids out of school/playgroup and we went and joined him in Melbourne for 5 weeks. First time EVER we have done this - he was in Athens for 3 months when dd3 was a baby. On sundays, his only usual 'day off' he will also go into work to open up the workshops etc plus take calls at all times of night and day depending where in the world thay have work on/whether there is a crisis or not. When in Melbourne I was on my own with the 3 children (at least the dog was being looked after in UK) for 3 weeks while he worked 16 hour days - even on my 40th birthday, wedding anniversary dd2's 7th birthday and Mothers day. He works in the entertainments industry - openning ceremonies, set building, special effects etc and the only time i feel I have come first was when I was about to drop at the end of a pregnancy. Bitter? Not half (but trip to Australia helped). Rant over. Sorry - stroppy 10yr old already wound me up today. At last i've joined Sitters baby sitting agency. But am still waiting for Birthday present.

[swedishmum]

My dh set off for the airport about 9.30am today, having got back at 9pm on Friday night. He spent 3 hours asleep on the bed yesterday. He'll be back on Saturday evening (long haul this week). As I've been ill and the 4 kids and the monster puppy from hell come first, I'm behind on coursework, which I'll now have to do a round trip of 190 miles tomorrow to hand in unless I can get them to give me a 24 hour extension. We're off on holiday next week at least - I plan on having some very overdue r and r. I've had 13 years of this and am getting a bit fed up now. As soon as the toddler's at school I'll be looking for a life.

[EmmyLou]

I too fancy a life once dd3 is at school - but what job would accomodate dh unpredictable anti social hours AND bouts of chickenpox?

Sorry - full of self pity today. Age gaps between children makes keeping them all happy even some of the time is nigh on impossible.

[vitomum]

that's grim, emmylou and swedishmum. My dp also suggested that i join him on the tour next weekend - but as that would involve staying in a B&B in dundee i decided to pass. He is not high flying at the moment but what has depressed me lately is that even if he was i do not think things would necessarily change that much. it is to do with the nature of the inductry he is in. yes there would be more money and nicer locations (for him anyway) but i think the anti-socialness and stress of it all would not change. i work four days at the moment but as dp is away it means i will be doing the double run to/from the nursery for ds every day which i find tough going without help and support. when he is around to do the run at one end it makes a real difference - but again this cannot be relied on. that's hard going studying on top of 4 kids and a dog swedishmum. i really hope you get taht extension

[bran]

This is a timely thread for me as dh is away in Nigeria from yesterday morning until Wednesday evening. He's a banking contractor and gets paid on a daily rate so they make sure they get a full day's value out of him, and he's also a director of a company that he owns with a couple of other people (also workaholics) so when he gets in from the contract job he generally has several hours of work to do for his company. He tries very hard to spend some time with ds though, at least twice a week he gets home by 7pm and does the bath and bed routine and 3 times a week he does the morning drop-off to nursery, which means I can get an early start at work to make up for always leaving at bit early at 4.45 to get to nursery in time for the pick-up.

The thread has made me feel a bit less sorry for myself compared to how hard it is for some of you, well done to everyone for holding home and family together.

[EmmyLou]

Thanks bran - i think if dh showed verbal appreciation of the single handedly holding family and home together then might feel slightly less resentment. Sometimes the frustration simmers away for so long i end up lashing out at kids. I am grumpy mum from hell and only occasionally - usually when reading bedtime stories - can i forget about the daily grind and actually ENJOY being a mum. Have been trying to tie him down to one week end so i can go off to a spa with my sister but its just impossible. Have to get my mum down to Yorkshire from Scotland so i can have a bloody cut and colour for my hair! (frustrated emoticon)

Must stop the whinging. He's a lovely man really who just gets lost in the duty of work and as a consequence teeters on the edge of depression too frequently for comfort. I do have moments of loving my life and feeling how luck I am!

[spidermama]

Mine does. He's at the mercy of the entertainment business and will drop anything, family holidays, anything, to go to an audition. It's infuriating. He can't help it. It's the way the industry works. He simply has to be at their beck and call if he has any chance of competing.

I'm in total sympathy with you though vitomum. It's so hard when you can't plan ahead.

[intergalacticwalrus]

DP works regular hours but only gets 15 days holiday a year and no sick pay. That pisses me right off. He earns decent money though, and wouldn't earn the smae elsewhere. I'm the one that works crap hours, I am out at work 4 nights a week, so we never see one another, but that's the way it's going to be until the children are older, or until we win the lottery.