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Which dating site is best? Opinions please..

(38 Posts)
MumWithCamera Fri 10-May-13 11:27:06

I have a male friend who's had a bad time of it with cold-hearted ex-gf last year and he's now single and looking for love. He's signed up to Plenty of Fish but doesn't seem to be having much luck finding Mrs Right.

I dont have any experience with dating sites, so wonder if its this website that's the problem - should he try Match or eHarmony instead? If anyone has positive experiences which sites do you recommend for finding a love-match? So far he's had a few dubious people - one was saying she wanted to come live with him when hadn't even met him and only messaged him twice hmm

Thanks in advance for suggestions - you will (hopefully) be turning my friend's life around and bringing a bit of happiness smile

And before you suggest it - I am happily with DP and we have a DD together, so I'm not in the running! Just looking to help a friend!

nooyearnooname Thu 05-Feb-15 20:01:43

I should also say that neither me or OH read the guardian (maybe once in a while when we can bear to pay 3 quid for a paper on a sunday), so it's not full of guardian readers (reading the guardian not being a problem obvs but recognise that some people might have ideas about it that might put them off using it, but shouldn't)

nooyearnooname Thu 05-Feb-15 19:55:02

I met my OH on Guardian Soulmates (5 years ago), and one of my friends also met his fiancee on there and she is stunningly gorgeous and lovely. I did also meet lots of nice interesting men on there, a couple of which I had short termish relationships with - nice guys but not right for me.

I also did Match for a bit and tbh there were a lot of creeps. Dating Direct was the same but I don't think that exists any more. I've never done PoF but I know people who have and I've not heard much positive about it.....I get the impression that a lot of people use it for hookups rather than relationships (not meant to offend anyone who did meet their OH on there, just what I've heard).

Xenadog Thu 05-Feb-15 19:47:33

EHarmony worked for me and DP. The free sites, I found, do tend to have rather a lot of undesirables on them and Match might be the biggest but can be a bit of a meat market.

I guess you just have to choose what suits you but I can definitely recommend eHarmony.

umbongoumbongo Thu 05-Feb-15 15:06:20

I met my lovely other half recently on Tinder. I found Muddy Matches very slow due to nobody wanting to pay (I paid for one month) and I chatted to a few nice people on POF and have several friends who have met on POF.

I rejoined Tinder in Jan after a break from it over Christmas as I liked the more instant messaging rather than waiting days for email ping pong on other sites. I think there are some decent, genuine people on Tinder (it isn't just a hook up site) although I was lucky as my guy had been put on there under protest by a younger relative and I was his first ever Internet date. The way it matches friends and interests in common from your Facebook account is handy too.

I met my ex on Match 4 years ago but I think since the explosion of free sites and apps it isn't as busy as it used to be from what I have heard.

Fantasmicos Thu 05-Feb-15 14:31:29

I also had a look recently out of interest, on a site called (read about it on here actually, someone had discovered their husband using it) and it was obviously a fake site where the profiles are set up by the site owner - it was obvious as we live in a posh village in Surrey but there were far too many 'matches' for such a small place, from people who obviously didn't live here, also every female profile on there claimed to be into anal sex whereas in the UK population the true figure is definitely under 5% so another indicator that it's a fake site - recommend you AVOID.

Fantasmicos Thu 05-Feb-15 14:27:25

My male friend is on E Harmony & says it's rubbish. Keeps pairing him up with people who he has nothing in common with at all. He did manage to get a few shags out of it apparently but was looking more for a long term relationship. He's a really lovely easy going gentle guy with a great job so not exactly hard to get on with. He also says it keeps crashing etc. I'd probably swerve it on that basis. I think the bigger sites are better but you need to filter the weirdos out. Lots of horror stories about people using photos from 20 years ago so keep an eye out for any outdated clothing in the pics, dead give-away!!

penniechews Thu 05-Feb-15 12:51:02

Nobody has mentioned Tinder but in London most single people seem to use it, not as just a hook up site.

Elidillon Thu 05-Feb-15 12:44:09

RSVP worked wonders for me, matches were great good quality guys I disagree with the previous post I found them fantastic. I will not hesitate to take advantage of my lifetime membership if I need to in the future ��

Missiehappy Sun 26-Oct-14 21:09:21

Avoid RSVP - they are misleading and dishonest. I asked them if there were plenty of guys my age before joining. They lied & said that there were. After paying over the almost �1000 joining fee, I discovered that there were very few guys my age & none that matchedd my criteria - reasonable job. Now they refuse to give me back my money. Their contract states that they cannot guarantee introductions. I was very clear when I asked of there were guys my age who had reasonable jobs when before I joined up, they lied & said yes, I would not have joppoined had they been honest with me. Please all, do not join RSVP!

IGuessIHadYourLeavinComing Sat 11-May-13 17:41:33

I don't have that much OD experience, but I will say that I've found POF absolutely woeful and agree with everything Velvetspoon said about the men on there - IME of course.

I've been on POF for about three months (I'm in my late 40s, which doesn't help), had a fair bit of interest and one disastrous date, which still makes my skin crawl when I think about it! I never send messages now because barely anyone replies... even when I feel that I'm punching well below my weight.

It's worth a go because it's free, but I would tell your friend to keep his expectations really low then he's got nothing to lose.

Not sure about the paid sites, I've had very mixed reports, but I may try one of them myself for a few months and then knock it all on the head.

Anyway OP, I hope your friend has more luck than me.

WafflyVersatile Sat 11-May-13 11:28:48

Many years ago I did love@lycos which doesn't exist any longer. I went on a number of dates. Very few of them unhinged. didn't meet any boyfriends but had some nice evenings out. All but one were somewhere along the line to balding though...

I like okc as it's quite fun to explore the site and even if I've not really gotten into dating (it's me, not them) I did meet a 99%er and although there wasn't going to be any romance they had obviously matched us pretty well.

On any dating site you have to expect to be messaged by entirely unsuitable men who have not read your profile. It's ok to entirely ignore them. And I never use the chat function as it invariably turns into them trying to get you into sexxxxy talk after about 3 seconds.

Squeegle Sat 11-May-13 07:49:32

Waffly, that did make me chuckle- that's exactly what I thought!

I have chatted to, but not met, a few nice people on OK Cupid. I quite like it, I like the questions and the matching thing- but as I say not met anyone yet. There are fewer people who just message Hi Babe, how are you? than on POF. But no harm in joining both I wouldn't have thought; they are free after all.

I joined a site called single with kids. It was £25 I think for one month- what a waste of money- it's syndicated I think, so there are all sorts of people on there, most of whom are not single with kids (one of them joined a site called, yes really, and was wondering why there were not more skinny people.)So avoid anything run by this group- I think they're called global personals.

I did meet a nice chap from POF, but he's not for me- I guess it's all the luck of the draw. I am 47, so not what a lot of these geezers are looking for, but at the end of the day, were only looking for one aren't we? I think the trick is not to take it too seriously.

People start talking, stop talking, disappear, don't reply, etc etc. it's not real life really- just a way to hopefully start something. And as long as you don't take it to heart, it can actually be great fun! I must say I am quite enjoying it.

Met DP on the Guardian. Together 3 years and I'm expecting our first baby in November. POF was good for a fling and had a few dates through OKC.
As well as the advice about pictures etc be prepared to travel for dates. I lived in a big city but was willing to travel upto 50 miles or so. As it turned out DP lived 5 miles from me and knew my best friend when we were all teens (more embarrassingly he also knows 2 of my drunken shags from uni)

jynier Sat 11-May-13 01:51:57

I know nothing at all about dating sites; just wanted to say hi! to the wonderful drfayray! Hope that you and DCs are okay and still doing well! Best wishes, x

drfayray Sat 11-May-13 01:17:42

I am divorced and 51. I have been on a few sites. I am in Australia though. Just joined POF and been inundated by messages. I am actually meeting one guy for coffee in an hour and another one tomorrow afternoon.
There is a third that I quite like too. We have been messaging a bit.

I am being realistic. I had a lot of weird experiences last year on another site called RSVP.

I never message men first ever. If they want to know me they can contact me first.
Good luck to your friend smile

VelvetSpoon Sat 11-May-13 00:44:06

It's something of a fallacy that only 'decent' people will be on paid sites.

There are plenty of weirdos (of both sexes) on both the free and the paid sites.

TBH it's a process of trial and error. All the men I have encountered via POF (with possibly 1 exception) have been vanishers, timewasters, married - but pretending to be single, perverts, sex-obsessed nutters, unattractive, unintelligent, misogynistic, racist, sexist, homophobic....I could go on but you get the picture.

OKC is a haven for the polyamorous, fetishists etc. I never even got a message worth replying to!

MSF is terrible, very low traffic and most people aren't subscribed.

Eharmony is even worse. Run by Christians and won't let anyone spearated but not divorced be a member hmm. Also they pick your matches for you, and there's something weird about the photos, can't remember what exactly but I think you can't see people's photos unless you're a mutual match or something (I never joined but have heard several people say this in the past)

Sites like GSM are good if you're a) in a big city, or near to one and c) are a middle class guardian reader. Or look like you are.

I have heard good reports about Lovestruck, but I believe it's only in London. And again I suspect a little bit middle class and earnest.

I'm going to say Match is the best because that's where I met the lovely man I am dating smile One good thing about it is that they often do 3 day free trials, which are worth a try.

WafflyVersatile Sat 11-May-13 00:32:00

That rather gives the impression I'm after fetishists. I'm not. blush

I haven't been on match except very briefly but over and again I hear 'creeps' being used in the same sentence.

pof I tended to get messaged by older men who live just outside london and are quite blokey traditional.

I didn't find much humour on the guardian lot but I didn't really commit to it.

okcupid more younger men looking for short term things. I also seem to attract the polyamourous, who mostly seem to live in Oxford for some reason. But you can answer loads of questions to refine your search which works fairly well so they don't seem to throw up people who are completely unlikely. ie don't suggest tories when you are clearly more socialist etc.

WafflyVersatile Sat 11-May-13 00:26:09

okcupid IMO.

guardian soulmates: pofaced
plenty of fish: blokey essex man creeps
okcupid: fetishists

waffly versatile - providing quality stereotypes since 1893.

Fairylea Fri 10-May-13 20:51:53

I met my dh on plenty of fish smile

dippymother Fri 10-May-13 20:50:57

How about Over Fifties (apparently there are Over Forties, Over Thirties et al too, all part of the same group), Dating Direct (part of, and Loveandfriends?

rcs19 Fri 10-May-13 19:29:27

I used Best £20 I've ever spent- met dh and now have 2 dd's.

ohtobecleo Fri 10-May-13 19:23:27

I had the most success on Guardian Soulmates (best quality in my experience)....until I turned 40 and then people stopped contacting me, almost overnight (neither my photos nor my profile had changed). Since then I'm with walkacrossthesand, I've been on PoF for a while (I'm not paying anymore for 'no success'). There's a lot of time-wasters and I've only had one coffee date (which turned out to be unsuitable) but it's early days.....

Walkacrossthesand Fri 10-May-13 18:56:35

I'm in my 50s and I've tried: grown up dating (no response to messages, no messages); older dating (one coffee date with a couple of guys but no response from the seemingly better-suited ones I messaged); ivory towers ( ditto); and currently trying out guardian soul mates but similar experience. Given the lack of inclination of guys to respond to messages, I think I might just stick up a profile on a free site, where at least 'no joy' isn't costing me anything! smile. Oh, and yy to the same guys being on several sites.

MumWithCamera Fri 10-May-13 18:55:04

Thanks Coffee, but he doesn't know I'm posting here and would probably be horrified so I will keep quite on more details for now! grin

Looks like OKCupid, Guardian Soulmates might be worth a look...
and POF some positive and negative experiences..
Will recommend these and fingers crossed he has more luck! smile

WarmFuzzyFun Fri 10-May-13 18:42:09

It all depends. Some sites are better for big towns/cities, some sites are more popular in particular geographical areas or for particular age groups.

I know that some people believe that the paid for sites are better, they generally aren't, as the same people are on both.

So I would advise, have a good written profile, take some great photos, one head shot smiling and a least one full body.

Don't expect to fall in love within the first week (it might happen, but it's unlikely). Would you walk into a pub/club or bar and expect to meet the Miss Right waiting at the bar?confused

It can work but he needs to be realistic and meet lots of women without expecting the happily ever after to happen. You can't predict the outcome at the outset.

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