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DP doesnt want me at his party.

(129 Posts)
NaggingGirlfriend Fri 10-May-13 10:33:56

I've name changed, although I've written one other post under this name.

I've been with dp for 2 and a half years. I have a 9 month old with him.

Hes just got a new job and his birthday is also coming up. He mentioned that his workmates are planning a night out to celebrate. I've not met any of his friends at all. I found out I was pregnant on the first day of his job and haven't had a chance to go out for drinks and meet everyone. I feel like I'd be ok about getting my parents to babysit so I can go out for the first time in about 2 years.

When I said I was looking forward to meeting everyone he looked at me funny and made excuses about how I shouldn't be there because I cant drink because I'm still breastfeeding. I explained that I would express enough to last and it wouldn't be a problem. After a few other excuses he told me he didn't want me there because I'm 'too sensible' and people would find it weird and he cant relax around me because I'm boring and ruin fun and apparently tell him off all the time.

I'm really, really upset about it but he's not said sorry, he was quite happy to leave the conversation there. When I told him that made me feel like crap he said 'see, this is why I don't want you there, all you do is argue'

I'm utterly confused as he has mentioned in the past that our problems are down to me not having a life of my own and that I don't make an effort to meet people. But now I have a chance, he wont let me. I've been having a lot of confidence issues recently, I've never had such low confidence in my life. This hasn't helped matters.

Am I right to be feeling as upset as I do or am I being over sensitive?

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 05-Jun-13 17:18:54

Oh OP I'm sorry to hear that sad

You will be fine, you really will. It will take time to get used to "a new normal" but being on your own can really be great and a positive thing.

MadBusLady Wed 05-Jun-13 19:06:44

Hello IDB, I've just read your whole thread. I'm so sorry you've been entangled with this twat and really glad to read he's going! You WILL cope fine on your own. Your DS will probably absorb your time at first anyway, but for the first time you won't be cooking/cleaning/running after a man who's horrible to you.

Also, get yourself to the GUM clinic and get checked for STDs, love. It's very likely he has had sex with these women, he will only ever admit to as little as he can get away with.

I suppose you have to go to your parents house to make arrangements away from him, but from what you said about them before they sound nuts unhelpful. I would avoid taking them fully into your confidence and take anything they say with a pinch of salt. It seems likely your mum will find some way to disapprove of you for the relationship breaking down. She's bonkers and wrong, ignore her. Have you got any old trusted friends you could call to get you through this? This does qualify as an emergency, please reach out to anyone you trust.

Walkacrossthesand Wed 05-Jun-13 19:26:39

No need to be scared of being on your own, IDB - as other posters have said, you have been doing all that's required to run your and DDs life perfectly capably with no meaningful help - just keep doing what you're doing, plus the tax credits/benefits help you can claim , and remember - the life you build is great, and you only allow someone who enhances it to come and join you! You're not easy prey for a predatory male....

SimLondon Wed 05-Jun-13 23:35:26

Hugs NG, it sounds like this guy is a controlling type - smoking weed in the same house as a baby isnt good to begin with but if its heavy weed smoking then that can cause paranoia.

I to think you should call women's aid, get some support from them -

your not a loser, we all make bad choices particularly when we are young but things change and get better :-)

Please have a chat if nothing else with womens aid the number is 0808 2000 247 email is helpline@womensaid.org.uk

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