Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How often does your DH text/call in the day?

(131 Posts)
HeyBabyBaby Wed 08-May-13 14:56:34

I'm currently at home with our 10 month old baby. DH leaves at 7:00am, normally back past 7:30pm. Yesterday DH sent me at text at 5:30pm, saying he's had a busy day and didn't have a chance to call and would be home later than usual. He then calls at 7pm (I've just put baby down and in the midst of preparing our dinner) saying hi and I said I was annoyed that he'd not called during the day, even just for a couple of mins. He then said 'great, this is how the evening is going to be?', 'you're just having a go at me', then we said good bye. He got back home and then just launched into me saying how I don't understand and I was being so unreasonable, then got angry that he didn't have a shirt ironed (he normally irons his shirts and didn't do them on the weekend). I couldn't be bothered having an arguement, so went straight to bed. I worked in a busy job and am currently on mat leave, but if he was at home all day on his own looking after a baby, I would call at least once a day.

What do you think?

DreamingofSummer Wed 08-May-13 14:59:18

a late night call is all when we are not together

AmandaPayneNeedsANap Wed 08-May-13 15:02:19

No, I wouldn't expect DH to call, and I didn't call him when I was working and he was looking after DD1. It wouldn't occur to either of us to call during the working day to talk to each other. We would call or text because there was a specific message, or to say we were leaving or would be late, but not otherwise.

I don't think this is really about the calls per se. Both of you are reasonable. It's about a difference in assumptions of how things shoudl be and then a breakdown in communication about those assumptions.

You got annoyed yesterday. Does that mean he normally calls/texts? If so, I can see your point more.

Dp never calls or texts me. I'm at home with two year old and 5mo and he's out of the house for 11 hours.

He will often respond to a text but then again if he's busy he won't.

I don't think it's a big deal, he's at work thinking of work things.

Why do you want him to call once a day?

Re the shirt if it's a one off and he'd asked I would have done it, if he hasn't asked then it's his problem.

YouAreFired Wed 08-May-13 15:02:56

Only if there is a reason, like being late or if one of the DC is ill maybe.

Dahlen Wed 08-May-13 15:03:42

I think you're both feeling the strain of having a young child at home. People think it's only the newborn stage that's hard, but the first 12 months are pretty relentless for most people.

Your DH has very long days. He probably doesn't look forward to coming home to face an angry DW and a pile of ironing. Who would?

Likewise, being at home with a 10-month-old day in day out can be exhausting and really affect your sense of self. You just want someone to notice you and to recognise that it's actually bloody hard work, not all sitting around drinking coffee and watching TV.

I think you could both be a little kinder to each other rather than falling into the competitive tiredness/who has it harder trap that so many couples with young DC fall into.

It does get better.

tabulahrasa Wed 08-May-13 15:04:16

I just checked on my phone...he texts me about once a fortnight and phones about every 3 days or so.

Branleuse Wed 08-May-13 15:04:19

sometimes loads, sometimes not at all. No big deal

JoinTheDots Wed 08-May-13 15:04:47

Never - sometimes not even if he is going to be late!

DeafLeopard Wed 08-May-13 15:05:14

Never, he can barely send a text.

CMOTDibbler Wed 08-May-13 15:05:53

Unless one of us is travelling and needs to check in (ie arrived safely overseas, to say what time we'll be back), we don't call or text during the day at all.

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 08-May-13 15:06:12

Meh.

Does he usually call? If he does, I can understand why you are miffed.

I talk to DP every few minutes or so. Probably at the most an hour goes by when I haven't said something to him, but that's all. He calls at lunch, and when he takes breaks.

But it's a habit that came about when I was in intensive care and couldn't have visitors, but they let me have a steralized phone. It's just continued on from there. I'd probably worry if I didn't hear from him.

DewDr0p Wed 08-May-13 15:08:19

We only speak to each other during the day if we have something specific that we need to discuss asap. Most things can wait until we see each other.

Dh is away for work most weeks and we don't always speak every day when he is. We try to but he is incredibly busy atm, he barely has time to eat.

Mrsrobertduvall Wed 08-May-13 15:08:39

Never.
I hate meaningless calls and I never text.

SlumberingDormouse Wed 08-May-13 15:09:01

My DP calls 4-5 times a day with a few texts in between, but we prefer to call. We are long distance about half the time so it really helps us feel close and loved. I don't think there's a 'right' answer with this; it depends on you. I was very unhappy with some XPs who would send maybe one text a day (we didn't live together) and I felt starved of attention because I personally like lots of contact. My current DP and I are much better suited in this regard. Ultimately, I think it comes down to personality match/mismatch and there's not much you can do to change it. If a man isn't the texting/calling kind he won't, even if you nag him. Who doesn't have time for a quick message, even if they send it when they go to the loo at work? So I wouldn't accept that as a reason, but you may not be able to do much to change it.

AnyFucker Wed 08-May-13 15:09:25

zero, nada re. calls/texts

however, I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like that

tell him to iron his own shirts that you have conveniently stuffed in the dustbin

Triumphoveradversity Wed 08-May-13 15:09:47

My DH almost never calls when he is working. I actually had PND as well so was having a tough time. He also travels extensively with work, places like Borneo and Singapore. He stays in touch a bit when abroad.

I can see why you would like him to but I think it is too much to expect a call a day.

The only time we text or call each other at work is if there is an issue. We don't generally call or text just to say hello.

ItsAFuckingVase Wed 08-May-13 15:12:28

Never! We live in the same house, and there's very little that can't wait til that evening.

Exceptions would be to make plans for straight after work, if one of us is working away or it's an actual emergency.

OldBeanbagz Wed 08-May-13 15:12:48

It depends on the job my DH is working on that day but i can normally expect 5-10 phone calls a day. More if he's got a long drive on the motorway as we have free calls between our phones so we'll have an entire conversation as though we're in the same room.

I think we're probably unusual though it stems from working together (we're self employed).

What kind of job does your DH do? Is it the sort where he could easily call you? Or does he have someone looking over his shoulder?

I think you're probably both a little tired right now and need to find some time for each other.

Very rarely and not even to say he'll be home late... I call him late afternoon/early evening most days to check in and see what he fancies for dinner (I got home first so normally cook). He answers about once a week.
It's not the issue here - I suspect the issue is more about you feeling isolated / unsupported?
Have you read "Baby-proofing your marriage"? it's worth a couple of hours to read it!

Cabrinha Wed 08-May-13 15:13:52

Only if something needs to be said. When we're at work, we're working.

SlumberingDormouse Wed 08-May-13 15:14:33

Wow, huge differences already on this thread! I can really see how it would be less if you live together, though.

EuroShaggleton Wed 08-May-13 15:15:48

We usually email/text late afternoon to see what time we will both end up leaving and if he should pick up anything at the supermarket on the way home. The only time we would have a voice call is if there is something particular to discuss (e.g. we are going through fertility treatment at the moment and if I go to a monitoring appointment on my own I will call him to let him know how it went after). We never call one another for a chat during the working day.

janji Wed 08-May-13 15:16:11

Dh usually texts one or two times a day.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now