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Possible cheating partner - how to check an iphone?

(112 Posts)
Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 12:46:47

Hi, I wrote recently about my partner of 19 years (anniversary today actually) telling me he doesn't love me anymore.

This was the outcome of an argument about me thinking he's cheating. I have suspected this for a few months now and around three weeks ago I asked outright to look through his iphone.

Now, he got the iphone in January. I don't know my way around one and wasn't sure what I was looking for. What I DO know is that he's very attached to it (it lives in his pocket), it beeps and rumbles constantly in the evenings/at weekends, it has a pass-code (which I'm fairly certain I know from careful observation).

When he gave me the phone (extremely reluctantly) to look at, I didn't really know what to look for. There was nothing incriminating in the texts (but he would probably delete them as he went along), but is there a messenger service on there? I have a Blackberry so I have BBM on mine. Is there something similar on the iphone that I should be looking for? How do I get onto the internet and check the history of it? How do I check for over-used phone numbers, etc? I can only check it when he's asleep at night so I need to be quick with it.

I'm asking this off the back of the zombie thread that's popped up, that I read with interest - it all made me sit up very straight indeed!

I know people are going to tell me that I should just end it and that I don't need the evidence, etc, but please bear in mind that everyone is different and I DO need the evidence. I need it for my own peace of mind and to make sure that I don't tear us apart completely when there are three children to take into account too.

Any iphone users out there who can help?

Zombie thread bumped by spammers

Sickoffrozen Wed 27-Aug-14 08:22:42

It amazes me that people who are having affairs do not have their phones on silent, delete all their messages and find ways to avoid being caught!

A friend of mine hubby was caught out because they had a shared bill! Are some people really that stupid?

Sugary Wed 27-Aug-14 06:47:05

Hacksforcash? That's scary! sad(

hacksforcash2014 Wed 27-Aug-14 02:44:40

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Locketjuice Thu 09-May-13 11:46:14

How are you today? Did you confront him?

Distrustinggirlnow Thu 09-May-13 07:24:29

Morning OP, just caught up with your thread. How r u today...?

I've got an iPhone so if I can help u let me know.

I've been in a similar situation to u so I feel your pain. The OW in my case would transfer small amounts of money into his account. It was to pay for the hotel room, premier inn, v classy! Apparently she wanted to pay half but couldn't afford it in one go more likely her DH would have noticed larger amounts

I remember on here once someone said text the number From Your phone saying something like, 'morning sexy, my phones broken/wouldn't charge/dropped in toilet, so use this number today'

On the iPhone there will be an app like an envelope with a circle in top right corner with a number in. This is his emails and the number is the amount of new since last read.

Need to go to work but hope you're alright

Jeezaloo Thu 09-May-13 04:56:32

Hi OP
How are you doing this morning. Have you made any decisions, or confronted DH on any of this?

My mate is always lending me a tenner here or there. He lives a 40 minute drive away so we always transfer loans and pay backs.

Just because its small doesn't make it seedy, ffs. I mean terms of a webcam/paying for stuff etc, obv its still bad looking.

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 08-May-13 15:42:24

Check his internet history to see if he is using escorts/webcam sex sites e.g. a d u l t w o r k s

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 08-May-13 15:40:29

Very odd re the small amounts of money but he could be paying someone for their sexual services (e.g webcam?). The huge mobile bills has made me wonder if he is using escorts/webcam girls?

Also the I dont love you line is part of the cheater's script - this means that they have checked out of the relationship.

BerylStreep Wed 08-May-13 14:22:36

Well now that you have a name, you can search Facebook, perhaps get someone to call his work and ask for her by name? Look carefully at the phone and bank statements until you can identify when it started.

But I think you need to sit tight on the information until you have a chance to do a bit more research. He doesn't know that you know, so spend this time wisely - print off the bank statements and phone statements. Get copies of all financial documents in order, including his pay details. Find out as much as you can about who this person is.

Or say casually, 'oh someone called XXX phoned earlier' and watch him shit himself.

olgaga Wed 08-May-13 13:22:15

If he's a technophobe anyway it'll probably be more fruitful to look for the paper trail.

BenjaminButton172 Wed 08-May-13 13:10:21

Chrome that doesnt work. The phone just locks.

If he is sending money through the bank rather than cash it could possibly b that they dont meet very often.

I think it could b a child rather than a lover.

chrome100 Wed 08-May-13 11:37:16

If you don't know the passcode you could call his phone from another phone and then swipe to answer it, as you wouldn't need to put the code in then. I'm not sure what happens when you hang up, but I'm pretty sure that you will then be "on" his handset and can access anything.

Pantone363 Wed 08-May-13 10:07:16

Maybe not cash if he doesn't/can't see her often?

Anyway all this speculation probably isn't helping the OP, have you made any decisions about the next step?

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 08-May-13 09:30:18

There's some potentially dodgy advice here.

My iPhone is set so that I'm emailed to two email addresses when the passcode is entered incorrectly. I'm aware that makes me sound very paranoid, but it's to do with health information rather than anything else, and my DP knows the passcode anyway. Regardless, it is possible that he'll find out if you touch it.

I'd wake him up and tell him that you know. And then I'd be silent, and watch him flounder for excuses, and hopefully he'd fill in the gaps with excuses, and you'll find out a lot more. Most people can't bare silence.

I'm baffled that he was stupid enough to ask you to log in to internet banking when he'd been paying her, though, unless he wanted you to find out? Could he be goading you on?

Locketjuice Wed 08-May-13 09:02:27

Sorry your in such a shit situation ophmm

olgaga Wed 08-May-13 08:55:14

Why on earth would they be transferring such small amounts through bank accounts rather than cash though?

Mysterious.

Pantone363 Wed 08-May-13 08:52:49

More likely that he is lending her small amounts of cash and she is paying it back.

It's very brazen though!

olgaga Wed 08-May-13 08:45:10

Mortified I wondered that - but such odd, small amounts?

A phone sex line?

MortifiedAdams Wed 08-May-13 08:41:33

Could it be a secret daughter?

sarahjaye Wed 08-May-13 08:29:40

What strange small amounts... £10, £20 especially to transfer online. He's not gambling/ paying for some online game or service, is he?

olgaga Wed 08-May-13 07:31:44

Oh dear, so sorry to hear this. They are very small amounts to be sending back and forward though!

However, now that you know her name as well as her number you should be able to find out who she is, where she works etc - not that any of that will help you.

Hope your discussion with him is constructive - you might want to start doing some reading and planning.

BenjaminButton172 Wed 08-May-13 07:24:33

Google her name and number & see what you get.

Oh this is awful..
You now have evidence to ask him about. I am sure his reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
What a wanker he is.

Is the name at all familiar?

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