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Possible cheating partner - how to check an iphone?

(108 Posts)
Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 12:46:47

Hi, I wrote recently about my partner of 19 years (anniversary today actually) telling me he doesn't love me anymore.

This was the outcome of an argument about me thinking he's cheating. I have suspected this for a few months now and around three weeks ago I asked outright to look through his iphone.

Now, he got the iphone in January. I don't know my way around one and wasn't sure what I was looking for. What I DO know is that he's very attached to it (it lives in his pocket), it beeps and rumbles constantly in the evenings/at weekends, it has a pass-code (which I'm fairly certain I know from careful observation).

When he gave me the phone (extremely reluctantly) to look at, I didn't really know what to look for. There was nothing incriminating in the texts (but he would probably delete them as he went along), but is there a messenger service on there? I have a Blackberry so I have BBM on mine. Is there something similar on the iphone that I should be looking for? How do I get onto the internet and check the history of it? How do I check for over-used phone numbers, etc? I can only check it when he's asleep at night so I need to be quick with it.

I'm asking this off the back of the zombie thread that's popped up, that I read with interest - it all made me sit up very straight indeed!

I know people are going to tell me that I should just end it and that I don't need the evidence, etc, but please bear in mind that everyone is different and I DO need the evidence. I need it for my own peace of mind and to make sure that I don't tear us apart completely when there are three children to take into account too.

Any iphone users out there who can help?

olgaga Wed 08-May-13 13:22:15

If he's a technophobe anyway it'll probably be more fruitful to look for the paper trail.

BerylStreep Wed 08-May-13 14:22:36

Well now that you have a name, you can search Facebook, perhaps get someone to call his work and ask for her by name? Look carefully at the phone and bank statements until you can identify when it started.

But I think you need to sit tight on the information until you have a chance to do a bit more research. He doesn't know that you know, so spend this time wisely - print off the bank statements and phone statements. Get copies of all financial documents in order, including his pay details. Find out as much as you can about who this person is.

Or say casually, 'oh someone called XXX phoned earlier' and watch him shit himself.

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 08-May-13 15:40:29

Very odd re the small amounts of money but he could be paying someone for their sexual services (e.g webcam?). The huge mobile bills has made me wonder if he is using escorts/webcam girls?

Also the I dont love you line is part of the cheater's script - this means that they have checked out of the relationship.

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 08-May-13 15:42:24

Check his internet history to see if he is using escorts/webcam sex sites e.g. a d u l t w o r k s

My mate is always lending me a tenner here or there. He lives a 40 minute drive away so we always transfer loans and pay backs.

Just because its small doesn't make it seedy, ffs. I mean terms of a webcam/paying for stuff etc, obv its still bad looking.

Jeezaloo Thu 09-May-13 04:56:32

Hi OP
How are you doing this morning. Have you made any decisions, or confronted DH on any of this?

Distrustinggirlnow Thu 09-May-13 07:24:29

Morning OP, just caught up with your thread. How r u today...?

I've got an iPhone so if I can help u let me know.

I've been in a similar situation to u so I feel your pain. The OW in my case would transfer small amounts of money into his account. It was to pay for the hotel room, premier inn, v classy! Apparently she wanted to pay half but couldn't afford it in one go more likely her DH would have noticed larger amounts

I remember on here once someone said text the number From Your phone saying something like, 'morning sexy, my phones broken/wouldn't charge/dropped in toilet, so use this number today'

On the iPhone there will be an app like an envelope with a circle in top right corner with a number in. This is his emails and the number is the amount of new since last read.

Need to go to work but hope you're alright

Locketjuice Thu 09-May-13 11:46:14

How are you today? Did you confront him?

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