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10 months in and he's turning into the arsehole from hell

(110 Posts)
Hayfeverandwine Mon 06-May-13 09:16:21

Been together around 10 months, almost a year. At first he was sweet as pie, funny, full of energy, ideas and enthusiasm and I loved him to bits. Fuck I wanted to marry the bloke.
Then after about 6 months he started to change somewhat. Still lovely 90% of the time but also very whiny. Going on and on about depressing stuff, blowing hot and cold on me. I talked to him, I was terrified of losing him and he seemed to relish in that. When he was going away he'd say stuff like "oh a whole night/week without me - you are going to miss me aren't you! Aww" like he loved the thought of me being upset.
Now he moans about my son every opportunity he gets saying he's lazy, selfish, thoughtless, mucky etc etc. he's 14, that's his job!! What he fails to remember is that my son is a high performer academically having already gained a gcse grade a in science at 14 - gets up 6 mornings a week at 6am to do a paper round and is often the first person his friends call if they are upset and need to talk. Because if this, he's also a peer mentor at school. Hardly hooligan of the year material!

A few weeks ago dp got drunk and was really verbally horrible to me, had me in tears. He apologised and said he was just stressed. He got drunk last night and told me his kids were better than my kids, he's not used to living like a set of estatees because his ex wife and kids are not like "my lot" but he puts up with it because he loves me. Also, after asking him where he stands on marriage as it is important to me he said he probably wouldn't want to marry again, pointed out the fact that I've never been married and asked where my past "engaged" relationships had got me and then said he couldn't imagine that any if my ex's truly wanted to marry me, they probably just felt like they had to ask.

hedidit Sat 11-May-13 08:38:01

Why would you keep this toxic person in your life or more importantly your sons life. I know its not easy sometimes being on your own but its preferable to a slow beating down of confidence which is clearly this guys MO. You have you son, you don't need a looser who bolsters his own cracked ego by putting the person he is meant to love down.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 09-May-13 11:59:18

If he has put the charm on and you've fallen for it (and I hope not), the thing to remember is what he thinks of your son. Your son is your priority and he has told you what he thinks and that isn't going to change is it?

Bin him.

sue52 Thu 09-May-13 11:48:24

I remember your pub thread. You should have ditched the creep then.

Lavenderhoney Thu 09-May-13 10:50:24

Just read this and my first thought on the title of the thread that there was no " turning" about it. He is already the arsehole from hell.

I hope you've kicked him to the kerb, op.

perfectstorm Thu 09-May-13 01:52:02

PenelopePitstop I am so very happy to hear that, and good for you on making that break.

perfectstorm Thu 09-May-13 01:51:04

He's abusive. You are colluding in an abuser's involvement in your son's upbringing. It goes without saying that you deserve better, but I suspect what may get through to you more is this: do you honestly think this man and the message he is sending your son is all your son deserves?

Your job is to protect your child from this man. Please, do it. Get rid.

Monty27 Thu 09-May-13 01:23:50

Well said Solid as always. I didn't let it get that far, because I'm an mner thankfully, and have read it on here oh so many times. That wasn't going to be me and my dc's oh no, not us.

smile

Sadly I think there is a strong possibility that he's turned up tonight with a bunch of flowers from the petrol station and a promise to change. And that the OP is remembering all the times and all the people who said 'being single is BAD. Being half a couple is ESSENTIAL' and deciding, it's not that bad, he hasn't punched her yet and her son isn't sitting in his bedroom crying and thinking about self-harm, or acting out by shoplifting. Yet.

Monty27 Thu 09-May-13 01:09:53

Is he my very exp?????

Sounds just like him, that was short lived too.

Just get rid, if not for you, for your ds. Ffs do want to wreck his life as well as yours?

If you're deciding to stay, fine - give it a time limit. Say, middle of of June? Read those books, see if he steps up. If he doesn't after, ooh, 6 weeks you can walk out, head held high because you tried everything.

SnoopyLovesYou Thu 09-May-13 00:54:31

HAYFEVER AND WINE!

Please tell us all how you are!

How are you feeling?

Is everything all right?

PenelopePitstop72 Thu 09-May-13 00:00:00

It sounds like your partner is treating you really, really poorly and being very critical of your son. It doesn't sound like a recipe for happy ever after. It sounds like you have many years of sadness and turmoil ahead. Dont bank on it improving. It will not. Dont settle for mostly bad times, interspersed with occasional good times. I doubt your son will ever gain his approval, now that your partner has now begun this very negative attitude towards him. His negativity towards your son will grow stronger and it will break your heart 1000 times over. Find the stregnth to call a halt to this relationship. Getting out will only get harder as more time passes. You will become confused, lose your confidence, doubt your own judgement and not know which way is up. you will become de-sensitized and begin to accept this treatment as normal in your life. it is not. You both deserve far better.

I have not long escaped a man with similar problems and nature. He had many huge issues and controlling ways which i will not bore you with. What i wanted to highlight was the way he treated my DD (his stepchild). it was the very same rotten treatment that you describe, and again like your son, it was completely unwarranted. Same critical comments and attitude. 12 years of our lives i gave to this man and allowed my DD to grow up subjected to his negativity and abuse. i saw the writing on the wall, in the early days. I wasnt sensible enough to follow my gut. Pinned my hopes on being able to make him recognise his failings and change. It never happened.

Im 6 months out, and our home is filled with happiness, stability and positivity (when he's not interfering and being an ar*e). Your internal alarm bells are ringing. Listen to them, and take action. For both your sakes. x

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Wed 08-May-13 14:34:39

OP: If you're sill reading, come back and talk to us. If you don't feel strong enough to leave, there are so many of us who can help you get out.

Cerisier Wed 08-May-13 14:22:48

There is still hope. I am rooting for the OP and her lovely son. They both deserve better.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Wed 08-May-13 11:53:34

doubt it now AF. sad

AnyFucker Germany Tue 07-May-13 17:46:14

My heart could still soar again.....

JaxTellerIsAllMine Tue 07-May-13 17:40:05

oh please, lets not write the OP off just yet.

I am forever hopeful that she has got rid of the twunt.

I am also feeling quite optimistic today... will check later to see if OP comes back or if I have my optimism dashed.

lolaflores Tue 07-May-13 17:36:50

Yep. Probably right there AF. <sighs> wish we could call in a flying squad and just like turn up, with very unamused faces and create a wall of silently furious women that the miscreant has to pass through unescorted. FFS why why why why!>

AnyFucker Germany Tue 07-May-13 17:22:44

We can cheerlead from afar as much as we like

But I always get a sinking heart feeling when an op disappears......

lolaflores Tue 07-May-13 11:22:35

She sounded very sensible all the same and quite objective. though I suppose that is just some words on the screen. If only to give her son the space to grow up away from a malicious fuck head that isn't fit to wipe his or his mothers shoes.
Go on love, get rid

Somehow I doubt it. sad

lolaflores Tue 07-May-13 11:18:28

I am really rooting for her. Right now I am visualising him being all contrite and her firmly pointing at the door. go on love you can do it

AnyFucker Germany Tue 07-May-13 11:08:11

I hope that is the case.

lolaflores Tue 07-May-13 11:05:50

Anyfucker with any luck she is loading up his stuff and tossing it merrily into the street. My Mum had one of these for many years. Her reasoning was that he drove her places.....go fucking figure.

AnyFucker Germany Tue 07-May-13 10:53:43

where has OP gone ?

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