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10 months in and he's turning into the arsehole from hell

(110 Posts)
Hayfeverandwine Mon 06-May-13 09:16:21

Been together around 10 months, almost a year. At first he was sweet as pie, funny, full of energy, ideas and enthusiasm and I loved him to bits. Fuck I wanted to marry the bloke.
Then after about 6 months he started to change somewhat. Still lovely 90% of the time but also very whiny. Going on and on about depressing stuff, blowing hot and cold on me. I talked to him, I was terrified of losing him and he seemed to relish in that. When he was going away he'd say stuff like "oh a whole night/week without me - you are going to miss me aren't you! Aww" like he loved the thought of me being upset.
Now he moans about my son every opportunity he gets saying he's lazy, selfish, thoughtless, mucky etc etc. he's 14, that's his job!! What he fails to remember is that my son is a high performer academically having already gained a gcse grade a in science at 14 - gets up 6 mornings a week at 6am to do a paper round and is often the first person his friends call if they are upset and need to talk. Because if this, he's also a peer mentor at school. Hardly hooligan of the year material!

A few weeks ago dp got drunk and was really verbally horrible to me, had me in tears. He apologised and said he was just stressed. He got drunk last night and told me his kids were better than my kids, he's not used to living like a set of estatees because his ex wife and kids are not like "my lot" but he puts up with it because he loves me. Also, after asking him where he stands on marriage as it is important to me he said he probably wouldn't want to marry again, pointed out the fact that I've never been married and asked where my past "engaged" relationships had got me and then said he couldn't imagine that any if my ex's truly wanted to marry me, they probably just felt like they had to ask.

If you're deciding to stay, fine - give it a time limit. Say, middle of of June? Read those books, see if he steps up. If he doesn't after, ooh, 6 weeks you can walk out, head held high because you tried everything.

Monty27 Thu 09-May-13 01:09:53

Is he my very exp?????

Sounds just like him, that was short lived too.

Just get rid, if not for you, for your ds. Ffs do want to wreck his life as well as yours?

Sadly I think there is a strong possibility that he's turned up tonight with a bunch of flowers from the petrol station and a promise to change. And that the OP is remembering all the times and all the people who said 'being single is BAD. Being half a couple is ESSENTIAL' and deciding, it's not that bad, he hasn't punched her yet and her son isn't sitting in his bedroom crying and thinking about self-harm, or acting out by shoplifting. Yet.

Monty27 Thu 09-May-13 01:23:50

Well said Solid as always. I didn't let it get that far, because I'm an mner thankfully, and have read it on here oh so many times. That wasn't going to be me and my dc's oh no, not us.

smile

perfectstorm Thu 09-May-13 01:51:04

He's abusive. You are colluding in an abuser's involvement in your son's upbringing. It goes without saying that you deserve better, but I suspect what may get through to you more is this: do you honestly think this man and the message he is sending your son is all your son deserves?

Your job is to protect your child from this man. Please, do it. Get rid.

perfectstorm Thu 09-May-13 01:52:02

PenelopePitstop I am so very happy to hear that, and good for you on making that break.

Lavenderhoney Thu 09-May-13 10:50:24

Just read this and my first thought on the title of the thread that there was no " turning" about it. He is already the arsehole from hell.

I hope you've kicked him to the kerb, op.

sue52 Thu 09-May-13 11:48:24

I remember your pub thread. You should have ditched the creep then.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 09-May-13 11:59:18

If he has put the charm on and you've fallen for it (and I hope not), the thing to remember is what he thinks of your son. Your son is your priority and he has told you what he thinks and that isn't going to change is it?

Bin him.

hedidit Sat 11-May-13 08:38:01

Why would you keep this toxic person in your life or more importantly your sons life. I know its not easy sometimes being on your own but its preferable to a slow beating down of confidence which is clearly this guys MO. You have you son, you don't need a looser who bolsters his own cracked ego by putting the person he is meant to love down.

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