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10 months in and he's turning into the arsehole from hell

(110 Posts)
Hayfeverandwine Mon 06-May-13 09:16:21

Been together around 10 months, almost a year. At first he was sweet as pie, funny, full of energy, ideas and enthusiasm and I loved him to bits. Fuck I wanted to marry the bloke.
Then after about 6 months he started to change somewhat. Still lovely 90% of the time but also very whiny. Going on and on about depressing stuff, blowing hot and cold on me. I talked to him, I was terrified of losing him and he seemed to relish in that. When he was going away he'd say stuff like "oh a whole night/week without me - you are going to miss me aren't you! Aww" like he loved the thought of me being upset.
Now he moans about my son every opportunity he gets saying he's lazy, selfish, thoughtless, mucky etc etc. he's 14, that's his job!! What he fails to remember is that my son is a high performer academically having already gained a gcse grade a in science at 14 - gets up 6 mornings a week at 6am to do a paper round and is often the first person his friends call if they are upset and need to talk. Because if this, he's also a peer mentor at school. Hardly hooligan of the year material!

A few weeks ago dp got drunk and was really verbally horrible to me, had me in tears. He apologised and said he was just stressed. He got drunk last night and told me his kids were better than my kids, he's not used to living like a set of estatees because his ex wife and kids are not like "my lot" but he puts up with it because he loves me. Also, after asking him where he stands on marriage as it is important to me he said he probably wouldn't want to marry again, pointed out the fact that I've never been married and asked where my past "engaged" relationships had got me and then said he couldn't imagine that any if my ex's truly wanted to marry me, they probably just felt like they had to ask.

FeralStreep Mon 06-May-13 09:18:03

Bin him.

UnrequitedSkink Mon 06-May-13 09:18:15

Um... And you're hanging around why, exactly?

UnrequitedSkink Mon 06-May-13 09:18:34

Do you live together?

Lizzabadger Mon 06-May-13 09:19:05

Red flags everywhere. Dump.

milk Mon 06-May-13 09:19:10

Sounds like his true colours are starting to show sad

2013go Mon 06-May-13 09:19:11

Show him the door

Xales Mon 06-May-13 09:20:13

He is vile to you son. Apart from anything else this is a line not crossed.

Get rid.

Mum2Fergus Mon 06-May-13 09:22:40

Bin! You'll be well rid.

chocmallow Mon 06-May-13 09:23:49

What Zales said. Ditch. He will only get worse.

chocmallow Mon 06-May-13 09:25:00

Sorry meant Xales

IHateSafeStyle Mon 06-May-13 09:25:03

Well people can only hide their true characters for so long.

TweedWasSoLastYear Mon 06-May-13 09:25:04

Looser . Get rid.
Lifes too short for wasting time.
You will not change him, now he has 'settled' in you are seeing his true colours.
He should be encouraging your son , not being a knobber .

spaghettina Mon 06-May-13 09:25:16

He sounds like a nasty piece of work. He's only going to get worse, so please get rid of him, for your son's sake if nothing else.

clam Mon 06-May-13 09:25:29

Just be very glad he's showing his true colours now, and not after you're committed.
Get angry. How DARE he speak about your son (and you) that way?

Out. Now.

fergoose Mon 06-May-13 09:25:40

crikey, I agree, bin him. Isn't it true that their true colours come out after about a year together/

He doesn't just have a red flag, he has a village worth of bunting of them. You and your children deserve so much more than him!

Thingiebob Mon 06-May-13 09:25:53

Please get rid of him. Think of yourself and your children. It's taken ten months for his true colours to come out.

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 06-May-13 09:26:33

Alcohol is sometimes like a truth serum.

I hope you have already dumped him. If it were me, by the time he got round to moaning about my son he would have been gone.

Don't waste time, get rid.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 06-May-13 09:27:13

10 months?

There's no reason on earth why you should continue to put up with this.

You don't have children together, you don't have any ties, you can walk away and forget about him forever.

He is telling you who he is and the life you can expect with him. LISTEN

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Mon 06-May-13 09:27:14

He is nasty to your son, he is nasty to you, he makes fun of your feelings, he makes fun of your past relationships. He can't control his drink.

It sounds like emotional abuse to me. Get rid of him.

batfuttocks Mon 06-May-13 09:27:46

Seriously, why would you want to marry this man? Better being single with the chance of being happy, than guaranteeing years of misery with a twat like that.

BonaDrag Mon 06-May-13 09:29:36

He's horrible to your son. The absolute worst thing you could do to your child right now is stay with this prick.

grobagsforever Mon 06-May-13 09:30:17

Why are you with him? He's abusive ans will get more so.

Mutt Mon 06-May-13 09:30:18

And you're posting here because?

He needs to be told to Fuck Off now for your and your son's sake.

Then cut contact, have nothing more to do with him.

He put on a good act in the beginnning but the real him has nothing to offer you, nothing that will make you happy, and prolonging this relationship will only eat away at your self-esteem and become nastier and nastier.

Patosshades Mon 06-May-13 09:30:24

Don't let this relationship get to a year together. He sounds dreadful. Why would you want to saddle yourself with someone that obviously looks down on you and "your lot" like this. He must be a catch in his own mind. Sounds like he's not really over being outed from his ex's life either.

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