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SIL hates my niece. WWYD?

(85 Posts)
AdmiralData Sat 04-May-13 22:12:17

My DB is 31, has a little girl (My DNiece 5) from previous marriage. DB also has little girl (18 months) with his partner of 4 years. I will call her SIL, SIL adored my niece (5) and treated my niece better than her biological mother. She truly seemed to dote on my niece. My DB then decided to have a baby with SIL (DNiece 18 months) as it seemed that they were ready to add to their little family.
Since the day my DNiece (18 months) was born SIL has acted like my DNiece (5) does not exist, and at best treats her as a though she is a PITA and major inconvenience. To the point where she was brushing DNiece (18 months) hair, so DNiece (5) wanted to be involved and asked if she could have her hair done next and SIL just said 'No'. As small as that seems its other little things like not involving DNiece (5) in games with her half sister. She is even trying to exclude her from major family events.

Things have come to a head as SIL has stated that she loves Sundays and cannot wait for my DB to take DNiece (5) home after her weekend stays and she looks forward to it more than anything else.

I am gutted. For my DB and my DNiece (5) as everything seemed perfect and happy until SIL changed her tune so massively. My DB doesn't know what to do for the best as he doesn't want 2 children from 2 broken relationships. He confides in me and cannot seem to find a positive solution to this mess.

I also want to point out that DNiece (5) is an absolute angel all of the time. Even if she was not surely no child would ever merit this treatment?

So WWYD?

(Apologies for long post)

forehead Fri 31-May-13 17:18:22

Thank God for that.

Merrin Fri 31-May-13 11:24:27

Yes, some of the conditions do though. There is a hospital near us that specialises in psychosis and some of the conditions result in very extreme, irrational and upsetting behaviour.

Not trying to excuse her, she sounds vile, just wondered if there was a link. Someone up thread had a similar situation as a child and I think this sort of behaviour is more often a choice. So sad for the children.

Jux Fri 31-May-13 09:42:04

Didn't the nastiness start while she was pg, though, merrin?

Merrin Fri 31-May-13 09:21:49

She sounds so nasty, as if she was just pretending to love your DN before she got pregnant.

Just a thought, although it seems unlikely, could this be some kind of Post Natal breakdown? PND or one of the more unusual conditions? The timing fits.

I think its unlikely but just a thought.

Jux Thu 30-May-13 21:38:45

Hooray! 18m is a long time in her life, but it wasn't every day, so she is unlikely to be permanently scarred by it. She may not even remember it very much given a few years. A massive plus is that steps were taken to protect her, and she will understand when she's a lot older that her dad thought she was worth the sacrifice.

AdmiralData Thu 30-May-13 20:34:12

I worried that my DN(5) would actually be left damaged from evil SIL but she seems more like her usual sunny self now smile Weekends with my DB will also mean weekends with me so hopefully we can both ensure that she doesn't suffer any lasting long term damage. Cheers for the responses all.

Blatherskite Wed 29-May-13 11:12:07

Good on your Brother!

Despite being full siblings, my father made it abundantly clear that he hated me but loved the others and it has screwed me up for life. It is very damaging for a child. Hopefully, now Evil SIL has gone, your Brother has a chance to undo the damage already done.

Thumbwitch Wed 29-May-13 02:23:18

I am sorry for your brother that it had to come to that but I admire him for doing it and standing up for BOTH of his daughters.

His stbxW2 will doubtless blame your elder niece for this though - chances of her realising it is her fault are, I would say, next to none. sad

I hope that your brother manages to have his DDs together, so that they can preserve their bond as sisters.

AdmiralData Tue 28-May-13 22:39:06

He is gutted at having two daughters from two broken relationships but realises he has to put both girls first. I am absolutely dying to pull the bitch up on her behaviour but worry that she will make things awkward access wise for DB. He has a new house he is moving into shortly, he is giving everything to SIL for his DD's sake.
She will let him see his DD every other weekend for one overnight stay and he can do bedtimes in the week if he wants :s
Think this may require legal action.

DontmindifIdo Tue 28-May-13 21:39:46

well good for your DN1, and probably good for DB, but his poor youngest. sad

sjuperyoni Tue 28-May-13 21:31:57

Thank fuck for that. Well done your dbro - breaking up his family unit is hard but it was no longer a unit when his dp pushed out his elder dd. It became an abusive situation that he rightly stopped. I'm so glad smile

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp Tue 28-May-13 21:28:48

Wo during = wondering, obviously. <Ipad moment>

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp Tue 28-May-13 21:27:55

How are things OP? I guess it's a bit mad today but thanks for letting us know, I was wo during if it would come to that. Good for him for standing up for his dd. < round of applause for a decent dad>

Jux Tue 28-May-13 17:51:00

I am really relieved for your neice that he's done that. Sorry for him that it's come to this.

I hope the bitch doesn't play havoc with his contact with their child. It would ve great for him to have both children on the same w/e but I fear BitchFace will scupper it if she can.

FerrisBueller1972 Tue 28-May-13 17:40:50

After reading this thread I am very pleased that you came back and updated such news. She does indeed sound like a toxic piece of work and you have been very restrained. I wish you all good luck smile

MissStrawberry Tue 28-May-13 17:27:06

Thank fuck for that.

I suggest he gets legal stuff sorted quickly so she isn't able to use their child as a pawn in her ridiculous behaviour.

AdmiralData Tue 28-May-13 15:39:11

Just an update, DB has left SIL, I didnt think he would tolerate her much longer.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Mon 06-May-13 13:09:27

I think your DB needs to be more assertive in not giving your SIL any option of accompanying him with your DN and baby to spend time at yours when DN is there. He should simply get up, get the baby ready and leave to collect DN to go to yours. Any 'insistence' of coming too needs to be refused in the strongest terms. Your DN needs the chance to spend time with the baby too, to get an unwarped view of her little sister so she can have a healthier relationship with her as well. Hopefully your SIL having a whole w/e to think about why this is necessary might help her realise what a nasty person she's been. If it doesn't then your DB will have at least established a routine for both children that can be shown to work for the benefit of both children, and would help him in future if SIL ever did try and prevent a relationship.

AdmiralData Mon 06-May-13 09:34:31

My brother has mentioned that SILs dislike of DN(5) started during pregnancy but came across as more of a 'Oh I am knackered so can't really do much with her anymore' kind of thing.

classifiedinformation Mon 06-May-13 09:04:17

Tbh, if I was the mother of dn(1) I would not be allowing my dd to be spending time in such a toxic environment. I know the mum is ill at the moment, but she really needs to make sure dd is secure at home especially with yet another (half?) sibling coming along soon.

She needs to insist that your db sees dd away from awful sil, or he doesn't get to see her. Maybe that would have more an impact on the evil stepmum!

Jux Sun 05-May-13 23:15:10

Could he take both girls on dn(5) w/ends and all 3 of them stay at his ex-mil's?

He does need to tell his wife what she's doing. Maybe he and she could go out for a coffee, neutral ground and all that, so she can't just mess about on fb.

Is she the type who just wanted a house and a child, and now she's got them, she doesn't want anything else?

Your bro may want to get a free half hour of advice before he does or says anything irrevocable.

Such a sad situation. Poor little girl.

Callthemidlife Sun 05-May-13 22:56:39

I am close to someone who was in a similar situation. The end result was that the husband ended up with two ex-wives.

In retrospect the issue may well have been PND that the new mum projected onto the step child but the damage was done regardless. The husband determined that if he stood by and allowed it to continue he would himself be partaking in the abuse. It broke his heart to leave his baby and set up home by himself, but he never regretted his decision for a moment, and he continues to be a great dad to both kids.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 05-May-13 22:53:53

Just unbelievable!

So pleased your brother sees what she is xx

tribpot Sun 05-May-13 22:52:40

she will ruin it by crying to go home to her mum as she has been doing on the weekends for a few months now

If the little girl is crying for her mum every weekend she visits your DB needs to stop the visits until he can provide a caring environment for her.

WafflyVersatile Sun 05-May-13 22:50:57

''I'm taking both my daughters on holiday. You can come or not, it's up to you. But if you do don't spoil it by abusing my DD5''

Sorry, OP what an awful situation. How can she not see what's she's doing.

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