Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Sister's housemate wants to bring her father's body to stay at their home for 5 days before funeral. Advice?

(491 Posts)
MumfordandDaughter Fri 03-May-13 12:58:41

Hello, sorry if this is in the wrong area.

My sister's just phoned me in bits. She works as a teacher further up North from me on one of the small islands. She shares a house with a fellow teacher/colleague.

The housemate is an only child. Her elderly father died last night and the mother has refused to have his body at their home because she wouldn't be able to cope. She also doesn't want the body to remain at the funeral parlour or go to chapel. So the mother has asked her daughter - my sister's housemate - to have him at her house instead, to which the housemate agreed.

My sister is really uncomfortable with this. Especially as it's going to be an open coffin until the day of the funeral (middle of next week). The housemate plans to hold 2-3 rosaries and the wake at their house, too.

My sister - who is really quiet and usually a 'yes' person - has told her housemate she's not happy with this arrangement, and it will make her really uncomfortable.

The housemate really didn't take this well and it ended with the mother phoning my sister and calling her selfish.

My sister doesn't know what to do. It's a really small town she lives in, with just one very expensive hotel. My parents have refused to loan her the money to stay at the hotel for the week as they feel the housemate should fork up at least half.

My sister also doesn't want to have to move, because it's so far from school/work, and there's no guarantee there'll be any rooms (it's only a 7-room place).

She doesn't know where she stands. It's not a religious difference, as they're both the same religion. it's just the thought of her father's open coffin being in their living room for all that time, and all the family visiting through the week.

My sister and housemate aren't particularly friends, but they've always been civil up until now.

Does anyone have any advice i could pass on?

(I told her to come on here herself but she refused to because she doesn't have children blush)

pigsDOfly Fri 10-May-13 19:27:50

Came on here expecting an update. Feel so let down now.

Where are you OP.

<Have no life>

thenightsky Fri 10-May-13 23:08:03

Me too pigs sad

<no life>

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sat 11-May-13 01:02:10

SpecialAgentNoLife is dying for an update!!

AndTheBandPlayedOn Sat 11-May-13 13:36:29

<old fashioned bump>
(as opposed to the modern bumps of production casting wink )

Lweji Sat 11-May-13 13:38:45

Actually, having checked earlier blush, Mumford hasn't posted (at least under this name) since the last update.

I hope all is well with your daughter, Mumford.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sat 11-May-13 13:39:58

Maybe this is Mumford's namechange name?

shemademedoit Mon 13-May-13 08:27:40

Last pitiful plea for an update! I need closure from this thread grin

cardamomginger Mon 13-May-13 08:36:59

Just adding my name to the list of people who can't bear the suspense any longer.....

My jaw has been in permanent contact with the floor over this thread....

Really hope things are OK for you Mumford and for your DSIS.

LaVitaBellissima Mon 13-May-13 08:52:04

Classics! This thread is outrageous for so many reasons shock grin

SerotoninCanEatTomorrow Mon 13-May-13 09:40:35

Just read the whole thread - Mumford I hope your daughter is ok!

Stoic you are my new MN hero grin

Pleeeeeeease can we have an update?

And also I think your sis needs a hug - what a horrid situation to be in xx

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Mon 13-May-13 12:19:10

I have no pride. I'll beg for an update!

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE

Breathes in deeply and reaches for glass of water

Theselittlelightsofmine Mon 13-May-13 14:01:32

Aaaaaaaargh!

I just want an update confused

McKayz Mon 13-May-13 14:05:06

It must be update time! Please???????

BlueSkySunnyDay Wed 15-May-13 13:21:20

Oh came back hoping to find out how this went. Hopefully as the op didnt come back everything sorted itself out.

Oomph Fri 17-May-13 15:04:28

Mumford, I'm also keeping an eager eye out for your return. xxx

cees Fri 17-May-13 21:56:19

Ah come back mumsford, we won't bite

Oh pleeeeeaase can we have an update?

thenightsky Fri 17-May-13 23:29:34

Anyone brave enough to PM her?

MumfordandDaughter Sun 19-May-13 14:41:35

I am sooooooooo sorry, everybody! blush

I've not been on here properly for ages.

Okay, my sister got in touch last week for a chat with me and dd and i asked about it.

What i had predicted is basically what then happened.

Landlord still hadn't called her back by then. My sis went out for the day and when she came home at 7pm, the body was in the living room along with three strangers (family of housemate). My sis felt powerless because there were guests there, and the mother had made some effort to put up some covers around the coffin ( a clothes rail with a blanket tossed over!)

My sister said her housemate was making it impossible to talk to alone, as she was avoiding my sister and always on her phone.

The mother ended up staying two nights in the housemate's bed (housemate slept on sofa).

Apparently the mother has been over loads since the funeral and my sister feels really uncomfortable so is opting to stay at work/school later during the week. She says that she's definitely going to look into renting elsewhere (alone) once her contract ends in August, if she can't find someone to rent in her place before then.

Landlord still hasn't been in touch but the agency have. They said that the landlord apologises (he's been ill) but that it's done now and he'll talk to them both when he's better.

I could never share a house. I have to applaud my sister on doing that at least.

Not had time yet to read through all the more recent posts, so please don't think i'm ignorant. I shall read through with a cup of tea later.

Sorry, once again!

Ginderella Sun 19-May-13 14:45:40

Wow. Just wow. I just can't put into words what I am thinking. Your poor sister.

shock blimey! hope your siater is able to find somewhere.

thanks for the update op. it sure has been... um... intersting grin

StoicButStressed Sun 19-May-13 15:08:14

OMG OMG OMG shock

Have to fess that whilst have been trying but failing slightly! on a self-imposed MN break given so addictive, I HAVE been checking periodically hourly! here. Originally to see the denounement, but more recently simply to check you were all actually ok.

The fact they DID this makes my blood boil on you & DS's behalf.

My Mum died just over 3 months ago so I am NO stranger to grief, loss, or the loss of 'rationality' it can deliver - but I am still FIRST in queue to say that is simply fucking outrageous.

Am angryangryangry on your DS's behalf. And yep, she should move ASAfuckingP, and yep, she MUST assert her rights with the Landlord and the 'housemate' (UBER lol at house'mate' huh?) and be refunded HER payment for HER home and HER normal accomodation for that week.

ALL above said though, I genuinely AM simply glad to finally hear from you and know DS esp. is in one piecesmile

Lweji Sun 19-May-13 15:13:02

Sigh!

So, room mate in her own bed. Your sister on the sofa. Housemate's mother on your sister's bed.

She needs to shop for a backbone. Really.

I might easily have been very loud when entering the flat about a corpse being there.
And the mother or the sister could have slept with the dead relative.

DontmindifIdo Sun 19-May-13 15:17:51

I think she needs to talk to her housemate, tell her to do it this week and say how angry and upset she was at housemate and housemate's mother's selfish action.

I'd also see if she can get out of the tenancy early - the landlord should have got back to her and may well be understanding given the circumstances.

And make sure everyone knows she was so upset and treated badly, small communities maywell deal with that better than anything your sister could say directly to the housemate's mum.

juneybean Sun 19-May-13 15:36:10

That's not how I read it at all Lweji sister in her bed, housemate on the sofa, mother in housemates bed.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now