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Sex with cousin

(132 Posts)
Bitofadviceplease Thu 02-May-13 22:11:31

How wrong is it?

TDada Sat 06-Jul-13 07:14:58

Where is the harm done. Family members shod mind their own business!

bombayjoe Sat 06-Jul-13 05:04:54

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Kione Sun 05-May-13 22:29:25

Its not illegal.
She is asking about sex, so I dont understand the "do you even love him?" replies.
I know a couple that are cousins, married, and have kids. I guess in small secluded communities will be very common.
I also think it depends on the relationship between families. I had a huge crush on my mums cousins son when little. Only saw him a few weeks in the summer. He told me we would go to jail if we kissed grin I must have been 10 when he said that.
In summary, for me, since its legal, it depends on how close you-the families are.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Fri 03-May-13 23:03:28

If you'd put something like. "I've slept with my cousin, it's only happened a couple of times and we've agreed not to do it again, but I'm feeling a bit worried and could do with some reassurance that I haven't done something terrible" then you would probably have got more considerate responses.

But you phrased it as if you were just wondering about people's opinions on a taboo subject, like "Is it weird to share a toothbrush with my OH?"
So you got honest, uncensored opinions. Also you didn't seem too bothered what people thought, so I don't think anyone thought you needed or wanted your feelings to be considered before they posted.

Sex is great

You are both adults... its consenting... and within the law...

Will you hurt people if they find out? Is it any of their business?

Reeeeeally am quite sure poeple have done much worse, don;t beat your self up.

Disclaimer: its friday night, I am dosed up on pain medication and I have speed read this thread.

olgaga Fri 03-May-13 22:50:07

I shouldn't of posted. Didn't want nasty responses, no need for it.

Maybe it's a wake up call for you about the varied response you can expect from family members if they ever find out.

You cannot delete the thread, but can ask MN to.

Don't be sorry you posted, but it might have helped if you had added in your OP that the deed had already been done.

Hope you are ok and that there won't be family fallout from this.

Take care.

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 22:25:19

I shouldn't of posted. Didn't want nasty responses, no need for it. Not sure how I delete the thread. Sorry I posted

LadyIsabellaWrotham Fri 03-May-13 22:19:08

I'm pretty sure that if someone came on and said "I'm having hot no strings attached sex with a bloke I know from my karate class" then there would be a massive synchronised shoulder shrugging "and...?" from MN Lost. Nobody would care.

People feel differently about this one because a) there could be family fallout if it goes wrong and b) for some people it triggers deep rooted taboo responses.

olgaga Fri 03-May-13 21:43:59

We don't love each other, other than being family, we don't plan a relationship OR kids, OR to tell anyone as I'm sure it won't happen again. It's only happened once before, then last night, we're both attracted to each other but realise its really wrong so have agreed not to do it anymore.

So why the hell are you asking anyone else's opinions?

You obviously both know it'll piss your families off big time. So - as a lot of us have been saying, it's not illegal but you have to consider your families.

Sounds like he is doing that, even if you're too "in lust" to do that.

Hope this quick shag was worth it.

Sorry but I think he's a using bastard, and you've been a bit of a mug.

At least with a one night stand outside the family you can forget about it.

Jewcy Fri 03-May-13 21:34:37

What's your point, exactly, Lost?

well let's face it. How wrong is it to fuck a man you think is hot, but don't really know, and have no intention of forming a long-term relationship with.

If the only group of people you're going to tell is a bunch of faceless strangers on MN, then don't hold back, fuck anybody you like.

Then come ask us if your behaviour is acceptable.

You'll get as many 'OK' as 'ewwww' as you did just now. Hot and mindless and enjoyable sex is what it says, I guess, family ties or no family ties, if that's your take on it.

Or have I totally got the wrong end of the stick?

(^^ don't bother asking, rhetorical ? and all that....)

TSSDNCOP Fri 03-May-13 20:32:51

I reckon given the billions of people on the planet, I'd chose one of them over a relative.

I'm sure it's legal and evidently genetically a low risk, but its a whole can of worms that can stay firmly shut IMHO.

Lweji Fri 03-May-13 20:17:52

He would be second cousin to your child (and possibly father too?).
grin

scaevola Fri 03-May-13 20:11:23

If his mother is your cousin, then he's your first cousin once removed.

He would be second cousin to your child (and possibly father too?).

decaffwithcream Fri 03-May-13 20:10:12

In Iceland there is concern that because of the small size of the population and it's being an island, people who are related may get together before they realise.

So they have now brought out an app where you can check before you get overly romantic.

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 20:09:47

I don't have a kid, & he IS my 2nd cousin

AThingInYourLife Fri 03-May-13 20:08:13

He's not your second cousin.

He's your kid's second cousin.

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 20:07:22

Obviously known about him since he was born but he lived far away until about 7years ago

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Fri 03-May-13 19:57:44

how long have you known him OP? You said first you've known him from birth, then later you said for the past 7 years.

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 19:57:08

His mum is my cousin but she's quite a lot older than me. He is my 2nd cousin. We don't love each other, other than being family, we don't plan a relationship OR kids, OR to tell anyone as I'm sure it won't happen again. It's only happened once before, then last night, we're both attracted to each other but realise its really wrong so have agreed not to do it anymore.

Lweji Fri 03-May-13 19:54:30

So a first cousin once removed. grin
Still, 6%, which is not too bad, and that's on average.

Unless there is a history of a recessive disease in the family, I wouldn't worry at all. Even for first cousins.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Fri 03-May-13 19:51:37

Ah, x-post with Lweji. The OP said he was her cousin's son Lweji - hence half as consanguineous as a full first cousin.

Lweji Fri 03-May-13 19:50:53

For shock value, I have an aunt whose brother and sister got married. grin

LadyIsabellaWrotham Fri 03-May-13 19:48:09

I tend to agree with Gwendoline actually.

You share (on average) 50% of your DNA with parents and siblings - nobody outside Game of Thrones thinks it's OK to sleep with them. You share 25% with aunts/uncles/nephews/nieces - again that's illegal everywhere. By the time you get to cousins you share 12.5%, and that's the point where most places (though not the Catholic church and Ayurveda) think that the risks don't justify prohibition - though some societal taboos remain. The problem is that if cousins marry as a one off, the 7/8ths "outsider" DNA can be enough to dilute the risks. But if cousin marriage is the norm, as in the Dispatches programme's example, or the Hapsburgs, then the effect of pedigree collapse over several generations means that there is much less actual variation in the mix than that, and in practice, we're effectively up to aunt/nephew levels of inbreeding.

In the OP's example, she shares 6.25% - 1/16th DNA with her cousin, and there's no hint that inbreeding is common in her family, and they're not planning babies so the risks are very remote. The yick factor is purely down to your own family norms.

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