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I'm the bad guy and I need help

(54 Posts)
Alphabetbites Thu 02-May-13 13:37:40

I've NC for this.

Years ago I cheated on my DH. I regretted it straight away. I've not told him but the guilt is killing me. I feel sick and I don't know what to do. I love my DH so much and I loved him at the time. I guess the OM gave me attention and I was flattered.

It was a one off, not that that makes it any better.

I have 3 options as I see it:

1. I don't tell DH, I live with the guilt and I go on to be the best wife I can. I hope he never finds out and I'm 95% sure he won't, but there's always that chance. It's a chance I take.

2. I tell him. He'll leave me and he'll be hurting. I will still feel the guilt.

3. I can't even believe I'm writing this but anyone who searches my name will know I've just posted in mental health... I commit suicide. I've written suicide notes today. I feel like my mental health has been deteriorating for months as it is and I feel trapped inside my head. I don't know if I can go through with it or not but it seems the only option where my DH can be set free. Where I can be set free too.

Flame away, I couldn't feel any worse.

jynier Fri 03-May-13 02:12:28

OP Sorry that you're feeling so bad! Regarding option 3 (suicide) - have you made plans for your demise apart from writing the notes? Hope that you have abandoned the idea completely.*dying is easy, living is hard*

Alphabetbites Fri 03-May-13 08:54:08

jyn I'd thought about how I'd do it but not planned much further than that to be honest.

Thank you all for your comments. I'm not going to rush into anything and I'll speak to a 3rd party, whether it's my counsellor, a new counsellor or someone else before I decide about telling DH.

I'm hoping I can somehow live with the guilt as my preference would be to not tell him purely because it won't make me feel better, it will make him feel shit and we'll probably end up apart.

I've paid to have two "home swab" kits for STIs as I was convinced I'd done the first one wrong. Both negative. I feel I need to get a full screening done, just to put my mind at rest. Realistically, I know I don't have an STI but I think I want to get the screening done so it's confirmed. I tried to go this week when DH was away but the wait was too long and I had another appointment to get to. I'll take a day off work soon and will go and have the full screen done, it'll at least stop me worrying about that.

It was someone I knew from a long time ago. He's never met DH. I went to his when DH was away. I knew what would happen. I put myself in that situation. Things were ok with DH - they've never been perfect, although I'd say we're in the best place we've ever been now. Things weren't awful though and I'd say that I did it because I was flattered with the attention. DH isn't great at giving attention, sympathy, etc. I forgot what it was like to hear "you look beautiful" and I fell for it.

Salbertina Fri 03-May-13 09:37:28

Sounds encouraging, Op and v sensible.

Look, no such thing as "perfect" and we all could/would fall for sudden lavish compliments esp from blast-from-the-past type person.

You made a mistake, haul yourself up, speak to someone other than dh and you'll get through this. Such is life and all that, life is suffering but how we deal with it is what counts.

cjel Fri 03-May-13 10:18:30

so glad you feel a bit better. I hope you feel you at least have realistic choices now.xx

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