Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would this annoy you too? Or am I being oversensitive? Chatting to a man

(68 Posts)
currentlyconfuseddotcom Wed 01-May-13 16:46:07

So I was talking to someone recently, educated, chatty, seemed quite nice and not bigoted, we swapped numbers but after that he commented on my figure, he said that he liked slender women and most of the women in the area were larger.

It's totally put me off him. I know we all have preferences but I didn't like him commenting on my body, even in a positive way. Am I just being ultra touchy? I recently got out of a bad relationship so my antennae are out of whack and possibly doing overtime.

orangeandemons Wed 01-May-13 16:49:46

Ugh creepy....

McBalls Wed 01-May-13 16:54:13

No, I think you're right. Not that there is any right or wrong when it comes to whether you feel positively or negatively about a person.

Not the same thing but I collected some shoes after a repair yesterday and the man who served me, after an 'afternoon darling' said to his colleague so that I could hear 'ah this will be the gorgeous lady with the gorgeous feet' hmm I felt ridiculously self-conscious and imagine they probably sniggered about me once I'd left. It's horrible.

I never understand how some men believe that an inappropriate 'compliment' is any better than an insult. Because what they are saying really is "I'm a man, you're a woman and I will judge you, this time you got a compliment but next time..."

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 16:56:54

Not ultra touchy. He has hidden shallows.....

currentlyconfuseddotcom Wed 01-May-13 16:57:21

McBalls, actually I think that comment was quite cute! But of course not if it made you feel self conscious. Did it conjure up images of foot perverts?!

Thanks Oranges, not just me then; he was a little pissed but it made me feel uncomfortable and I thought it was a bit rude.

MrsWolowitz Wed 01-May-13 16:57:58

Hmm. It was tactless and thoughtless but I think it was a crack-handed compliment.

My friend once had a guy tell her on a date that he really liked her arm hairs!

currentlyconfuseddotcom Wed 01-May-13 16:58:53

He commented on my tights as well. He said he liked my tights. No man comments on tights, surely...?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 17:00:32

Only gay men and trannies...

MrsWolowitz Wed 01-May-13 17:01:23

He said he liked your tights? shock

Bastard!

grin

Seriously OP. I think you might be over-thinking this.

McBalls Wed 01-May-13 17:02:47

Currently - it probably does sound cute written down and I'm honestly not a huffy person looking to take offence all the time - I wouldn't even have minded that he called me darling - but it felt like a piss-take. It felt unbalanced because he was talking about me with his mate...it's impossible not to feel self conscious.
Maybe it's a balancing act and all he's guilty of is being a bit ott? But I don't normally feel I'm being used as a prop for blokey banter when im complimented but I did yesterday.

Lweji Wed 01-May-13 17:03:15

Maybe he wanted to take them off... wink

currentlyconfuseddotcom Wed 01-May-13 17:05:15

Lweji, you have just given me the heebie jeebies.

Aww McBalls, the man liked your feet! I wouldn't mind if someone liked my feet looks around for foot admirers

Sneezingwakesthebaby Wed 01-May-13 17:05:51

I'm the same. I think for me its that after chatting and thinking you were both connecting mentally, there's a feeling that he was just saying what you wanted to hear to get you sweet enough to talk about bodies and then eventually sex. That's just my experience with online dating though haha.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 17:10:06

Back to the original comment.... I do worry about anyone that bad mouths others. Exes, family, friends, 'other women in the area' hmm. Compliments are great but a reasonable person should be able to give them without having to do someone else down in the process.

Bottom line is that, if you get a bad feeling about someone, however irrational it seems to be, move swiftly along. I once passed up a second date with a man that rearranged the items on a table a bit too carefully.

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 01-May-13 17:12:39

If someone told me they liked my feet, I'd have to run away from them. Or throw up over them.

Eurgh, feet.

currentlyconfuseddotcom Wed 01-May-13 17:16:10

Caja, weirdly enough I wouldn't mind foot compliments, I'd probably wave them around and say 'yes, aren't they lovely!' I'd draw the line at having my toes sucked however.

But I did find it odd that he did a 'comparing' thing with other women, it wasn't necessary and it wasn't a compliment. And I had some violence against me last year so I am ultra touchy about anyone invading my space, so to speak. Shame...he seemed nice previously!

Scarletohello Wed 01-May-13 17:16:23

I had a date once with a guy who I thought was nice, intelligent, educated, his mum was a psychotherapist. We had a nice evening, bit of a snog, he asked to come home with me, I said no. On the way back to the tube station he asked me what bra size I was. ( I'm a 34g). On the phone the next week I said I hadn't liked him asking ne that, and he said, well you shouldn't show them off then!! If I wear baggy clothes I look pregnant so wear clothes that are fitted not tight. Can't win! Felt so disappointed tho as I thought he was better than that. Are they all the same that they feel entitled to comment on your body shape and what clothes you wear? Needless to say never saw him again...

AnyFucker Wed 01-May-13 17:17:25

What did he mean "women in the area"

What "area" ?

Those in the immediate vicinity ie. stood near you ? Those living on his street, in his town ? Does he live in a strange town populated by Jeremy Kyle show participants ?

What has he against all these "larger" women getting in his face all the time ?

I wouldn't like the sound of him.

currentlyconfuseddotcom Wed 01-May-13 17:20:08

AnyFarker, actually that did really put me off him. He meant local women and oy, we don't live in a strange town huffs

Well at least no stranger than some!

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 01-May-13 17:23:08

It is creepy isn't it? 'You are acceptable to me... unlike the inferior females I have previously encountered that do not meet my precise specifications'....

AnyFucker Wed 01-May-13 17:24:32

grin

expatinscotland Wed 01-May-13 17:25:07

Creepy. Delete.

currentlyconfuseddotcom Wed 01-May-13 17:27:16

Thank you collective wisdom, I have now deleted him.

Here endeth the lesson.

bobbywash Wed 01-May-13 17:27:35

well that sums up the differences,

bloke - end of the evening, slightly pissed, she's nice I'll pay her a compliment by saying she's better than average, don't want to overdo it and make it seem like I'm coming on too strongly or being lecherous... and there we go, I think I got away with it, not too forward but just pleasant.

OP - Oh god how creepy, alarm bells what an odd bloke.

If you like him enough to see him again, do so, tell him you didn't like the comment, (he'll have thought nothing more of it) if he does it again then fair enough, don't take it further.

StuffezLaYoni Wed 01-May-13 17:27:44

How did he phrase it? Did he actually say most of the ladies are larger? Or was it... Less delicately phrased? I too would feel a bit wary of someone who criticised whole groups of people like that.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now