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DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

(995 Posts)

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1801734-Waves-is-winning-Here-comes-the-Acrobat

New thread.....loved your idea crabb but it would be tempting fate and I'd doubtless end up 40 weeks overdue and giving birth to a toddler.

And I am determined to win and to smile a lot more - with reflection, over the past 24 weeks I have won on so many levels, even just in terms of my self confidence, so rather than restrict my victory to the current and dramatic lodger situation (still grossed out by raw chicken in the kitchen cupboard), I am trying to be super positive (thanks for the inspiration wheredidIputit)

It's not been too hot here thanks to cooling sea breezes, so I am fortunate. With DD I spent a very uncomfortable summer being very pregnant until she arrived in mid September.

Right, here is hoping the bath helps ease these cramps. I have a VERY busy day ahead, what with swimming lessons, a poorly DD, dropping an instrument off for hire, then taking myself off to play at a festival, before collecting instrument.

crabb Sat 13-Jul-13 06:19:07

Waves' Live Birth thread?

Anifrangapani Sat 13-Jul-13 06:18:54

Good luck with the acrobatic arrival.

How about lodger 1 nil Waves one. or Here comes the Acobat.

crabb Sat 13-Jul-13 06:07:14

Hi Waves
Hope you don't mind me keeping you company from Australia. Just a lurker but have been popping in to your threads for ages to see how you're going. How exciting that Acrobat is near! Really do wish you the very best. Beautiful sunny wintry day here. Envying your warm weather but glad not to be pregnant in it!

Also realised my thread is nearly full.... Will have to think of a new title.

Wide awake club here. Period pains all night and only been dozing on and off. Planning to run a bath pretty soon to try to ease them. It's very boring being wide awake at this time! If I didn't have lodgers I would be practising music but it is a tad early for that. Gf never turned up and kitchen cupboard now empty. I expect L1 will get food poisoning.

If this is what I have to expect for the next few weeks I am not impressed, but equally I want a few weeks to reclaim my serenity before acrobat arrives. Me and the DCs all have multiples of 7 birthdays, so I've now decided that he is allowed to come tomorrow or on one of the following Sundays.

Ouch.

Allalonenow Belgium Fri 12-Jul-13 23:59:59

Hope you get some rest tonight waves, as you have a lot to cope with tomorrow.
Hope the lodger clears off without any trouble, you will be well rid of such a malevolent person in your home.

Sounds like you are clearing the decks to move forward to a brighter future very soon. Sending you kind thoughts.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 12-Jul-13 21:17:16

captain - I had a whole jug, but just didnt want any more. sad

Going to have a shower, early night. I think I need sleep.

TiredFeet Fri 12-Jul-13 21:16:34

just popping in to see how you are doing waves . hope its not too hot over there. sorry to hear DD is unwell that's the last thing you need. maybe they are getting all their illness out of the way before baby comes!

lovely to hear about your DC's school reports, sounds like they are doing brilliantly. no need for a money treat, maybe something like they each get to pick a (cheap/ free) activity as their reward? think I was always happy with just a hug and some praise from my mum though. re your DS - I was a coaster at school too. I haven't any real advice although 'd' h said a while ago he wished his parents had offered him some sort of incentive or bribery as he too underperformed at school. I was lucky though, I scraped into a decent university and then came into my own there. lots of boys I know coasted pretty much throughout but have still gone on to be very successful once they hit the real world and found their niche.

things are improving for me as 'd' h has started counselling and I have a glimmer of hope we might be able to try again but there is a lot of work to be done first. I am broken with the effort of running a (tiny) house and keeping up with a toddler though, and my sickness has all but gone. I really think you are amazing to have coped with everything life has thrown at you these last 9 months. acrobat will be a very lucky baby smile

I can wait to hear your happy news!!

Hope you feel better soon jax. I've cried enough for about 10 people today! Super crampy here and walking/ rocking round the garden to try to ease. DD has a temperature so also trying to look after her....

captainmummy Fri 12-Jul-13 20:38:27

Jax - sad hope you feel better soon. One mojito is no good for anyone!

Come on acrobat- sunday will be good!

I did think maybe L1's GF would make an appearance today - he said she would come friday?

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 12-Jul-13 20:08:25

I just love the idea that we can all will acrobat to arrive at a 'convenient' time. grin You just never know...

Waves, Im not myself this afternoon, I blame the heat and a mojito. Hoping for an early night and to feel more 'me' again tomorrow. Ive been like this on and off all week. Dunno whats wrong with me.

I would love a good cry, that would make me feel better, but tears wont come. <sigh> so you cry for me and I will be busy for you.

Hope L1 moves out swiftly and his gf has decided not to come. I assume she hasnt arrived?

BadgerFace Fri 12-Jul-13 18:37:51

Waves I have been following your story from the beginning and occasionally delurked to post. Delurking again to say I am SOOOO excited for you to meet Acrobat!! My DD came 6 months ago at 37.5 weeks so I feel like acrobat will be early... grin

You are an amazingly strong lady and I have no doubt you will do brilliantly when No. 3 arrives. And no doubt Acrobat will be as lovely and incredible as your first two.

Wishing you a speedy and serene birth (from mid-afternoon Sunday onwards...)

I would check his room as soon as he has left tomorrow just in case he has left anything in there. If he is disgusting enough to put raw meat in a kitchen cupboard then god knows what he will leave in his room.

We got the recycling done, and DD promptly fell asleep on the sofa! End of term tiredness I hope as opposed to illness brewing.

L1' s belongings have started to disappear which is a very good sign. Tonight I am having a bath then doing music practise. Quite exhausted and keep bursting into tears. I also have some CDs to listen to that my doula has lent me.

Acrobat is allowed to appear from mid afternoon tomorrow, although mid afternoon Sunday onwards would be better. He's going to be here in the next few weeks regardless which feels a little daunting now.

AgathaF Fri 12-Jul-13 16:53:36

Ours were the opposite way around, our girl coasted big time, our boy worked hard. Our girl is 22 now though, and has learnt to work hard and enjoy the rewards in the past couple of years. Our boy is 19 and at uni, still working hard. I think they need to find their own motivation to some extent, although obviously they need encouragement to work hard too.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 12-Jul-13 16:27:46

ah yes, boys do coast if they get away with it. I have 1 of each, boy and girl. boy coasts, girl tries hard BUT that said, both of mine are doing well too. I know thats a huge generalisation...

A reward doesnt have to = money spent, you know that. How about some of that lovely ice cream you make and let them make a sundae.

Fab that both DC have great reports. That is down to you, your parenting, your input and the fact that they are clever cookies like their mum. grin

captainmummy Fri 12-Jul-13 15:55:40

Sounds like they are doing OK, waves. Nothing to worry about! Boys (I have 3) do tend to coast, i find. Girls are harder working. (generalization alert!)

Anyway, have fun at the recycling plant and have a relaxing weekend. This is one of acrobats 'windows of opportunity' isn't it? Come on boy (I think it's a boy)

Just had the DCs school reports, both doing well, but DS needs to take advice and stop coasting so he can produce better work. That said, they seem to have really high scores in terms of national curriculum. DD got reading 3b, writing and maths 3c, and is just finishing year 2. DS got reading and maths 4b and writing 3a. They are meant to go up a level every 2 years apparently but I have no idea where reports from 2 years ago are. But based on averages I think they are well ahead? But how to get DS to stop coasting?

Anyway, they are well behaved and polite and quiet which matters a lot. And their reward? Ah, I'm taking them off to do the recycling for me. Bad bad mummy, but no spare money til Monday.

springytato Fri 12-Jul-13 15:16:15

someting wrong with him (but we know that....) if he thinks it's ok to leave meat out of the fridge in this weather <weirdo> (one of my lodgers insisted on cutting up meat on the wooden bread board and wouldn't hear of it when I said erm use the right one, don't want meat left in the grooves. He wasn't haven't it. He went off over christmas for a month and asked me to hold his room. Of course, I said, as long as you pay for it for the month. he was outraged! What do you expect me to do, he said. I have no idea I said. But you have to pay for the room if you want to keep it, I said. He took off.)

Here's hoping with you that tomorrow goes off without a hitch xx

Hi, I'm ok. Had my doula round for an hour and a half going through the birth plan etc, and then the HV. Have also unscrewed and thoroughly cleaned the kitchen sink drain.... Off to take my recycling shortly then it will just be a case of music practise and loading up the car for tomorrow.

My HV seems fine although a bit routine obsessed as far as babies go which isn't really my thing, but I can simply nod and smile. I told her I'm planning to co sleep from the start as I accidentally fell into it with DD, and would rather plan for safe co sleeping than risk suffocation etc, so that's fine. Although she said , you will need to get him out by the time he is 6 months. Hmmmm, my two still sleep in with me sometimes which is fine with me, so not something I will fret about!

I am really hoping that there is no trouble from L1 tonight or tomorrow, but if there is I will call the police if necessary.

Super gross that today there is raw chicken in his kitchen cupboard. Ill be bleaching that once he has gone. Urgh.

springytato Fri 12-Jul-13 13:29:52

You could get one of those 'Abuse won't be tolerated' posters.

little SHIT (bears repeating)

You've gone quiet waves - hope you're ok xxx

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 12-Jul-13 10:49:51

Beautiful day here, how are you all getting on?

Hope you have nice chat with HV waves.

AgathaF Fri 12-Jul-13 08:12:35

Meat in a cupboard - vile!

I wouldn't bother talking to the other lodgers about it all. As you say, it's not their business. I think L2 will probably settle down once L1s gone. He maybe feels between a rock and a hard place at the moment as he works with him.

I think I would make some house rules, get them laminated and put them in a communal area - kitchen maybe - and also on the backs of the bedroom door of L1s old room when he goes, just so the newcomer is in no doubt. Then stick them on the backs of all doors as each lodger moves out.

Hope you will be having a restful day today.

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