Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Husband left me after 30 years

(177 Posts)
sadkaren2 Wed 01-May-13 11:34:41

I don’t know what to do. Please help.

My husband has just left me. We have been together for over 30 years, married for 7.

He has been working in Edinburgh for 2 years (flies back every Friday) as he is a consultant. We live in Essex.

He rang me and told me he had met someone else, and was not coming home again. She is 35, has 2 kids, and he has been seeing her for a year.

He said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore at all – all communication must be via email.

He also said he hasn’t loved me for years – not even when we got married – he just “went along with it”. He says he loves me like a sister. He never sais anything was wrong. But he would ring me 3 times a day and tell me that he loved me. I had noticed he had been a bit distant, but thought that was due to tiredness. He was due to be coming home permanently at the end of May.

I have since found he has spent a fortune on his girlfriend, including paying a £9,500 tax bill for her, and over £1,000 on Valentines night.

I don’t work, and haven’t done for a number of years. We were having IVF, when I was discovered to have cancer. My last op was 18 months ago, and I am recovering well. Before that, I was the major earner in the relationship.

He is 49, and I am 48.

He has also taken for £100,000 worth of shared goods from the house, tho he says he will return them if “the settlement says so”. He left most of his personal stuff. He won’t discuss money or almost anything, and just seems to want to live a life in Scotland and forget about me.

I don’t know what to do, I am so lost. He was my best friend, and I am still so in love with him. I just miss him so much. I just spend all day crying. I just want to stop the pain.

karen

Reported

faithboo Sat 13-Dec-14 23:52:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LineRunner Mon 06-Oct-14 13:43:34

I hope MNHQ have banned him. That's twice he's spammed this one (old) thread.

AnyFucker Mon 06-Oct-14 08:51:44

I don't know, I clicjed back before it loads

itsbetterthanabox Mon 06-Oct-14 02:01:00

Oh god what's on the website anyfucker?

FlossyMoo Mon 06-Oct-14 01:17:01

The OP hasn't been back. I hope it all worked out for her.

I have reported Knob Jockey above hmm

AnyFucker Mon 06-Oct-14 01:15:26

Fuck off John you twat

When I try to press report on my titchy phone, it clicks on that nobber website grin

itsbetterthanabox Mon 06-Oct-14 01:05:33

Reported the john Richmond spam

JohnRichmond222 Mon 06-Oct-14 00:43:48

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OrangeSpeaker Fri 03-Oct-14 15:11:05

Hi Karen,

It is definitely not easy going through all this pain and suffering. In times like these it is best just to be with this feeling and observe it as best you can. The pain needs to run it's course and it's there for a very important reason. Rather then running away from it, go into it as much as you can. You might discover something truly amazing!

With love and light
OS

LineRunner Fri 03-Oct-14 10:19:37

It's an old thread, resurrected by the spam of 'John Richmond'.

dollius Fri 03-Oct-14 08:01:14

Who the fuck does this man think he is? From your account, you were the major breadwinner for most of the relationship anyway!

As there are no kids, he gets 50% of the assets. Why on earth does he think he should be entitled to more???

As for the air miles - well he can spend his 50% on whatever he wants. The other 50% are yours.

Time to lawyer up lady and I would get the divorce rolling before he can spend all YOUR money on little miss perky tits.

manaboutthemaison Fri 03-Oct-14 02:31:11

Spam ??

Dickhead more like

LineRunner Fri 03-Oct-14 00:43:18

Spam reported.

Johnrichmond Fri 03-Oct-14 00:36:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mosman Thu 26-Sep-13 13:53:12

Six months is a life time in this situation .... Tiny baby steps and each hour as it comes. Surround yourself with sensible people and listen to them :-)

Sorry to hear that, sssosad. You might find it helpful to start your own thread if you would like some support. xx

sssosad Thu 26-Sep-13 13:05:10

how are you now? I'm 4weeks in an can't believe it will improve? how do you breathe?

sssosad Thu 26-Sep-13 13:04:02

hello, how are you all doing after 6months? my husband of 32 years left me four weeks ago. I can't breathe.

cjel Mon 13-May-13 12:41:10

Karen how are you today? have you managed to access any help?x

captainmummy Mon 13-May-13 12:16:55

SadKaren - have you seen a solicitor? Honestly - it is not a case of him 'giving' you anything, it's to do with your entitlement. you've lost a good way of life, a decent income, to say nothing of the years you've had togther. It's not up to him how much you get. It's all a legal process; get a good team behind you. It won't ease the pain in your heart, but at least you know you are not going to just roll over a disppear.

cjel Sun 12-May-13 18:55:11

I think it will as well, i kept going to work in our office to try and 'help' him and we got on really well while i was there but i realised within weeks that it was actually like picking a scab every time i saw him even thought i was comforted by seeing him as well. the hurt had chance to get better when i cut out seeing him I haven't seen him for 9 months now and still have times when I want to tell him something or miss him but I definately think no contact is better especially if he is starting to threaten you as well. let someone else deal with the threats(my solicitor was brilliant she said a llot of her work was relational not legal)
How you feeling? have you got rl support?

sadkaren2 Sun 12-May-13 18:47:13

Thanks.
I have taken your advice and cut off contact with him.
He was trying to manipulate me, and threatened to cut off what money he was giving me.
I feel very sad again - his email messages were a bit of a "lifeline" to him, but I think in the long run it will be better for me.

mrsmciver Sun 12-May-13 11:55:13

Hello Karen. you sounded a lot more positive, being active and getting the ball rolling financial wise. I hope you have a lot of support with you.x

cjel Sat 11-May-13 09:03:50

springy- praying got me through some times!! How are you today Karen haven't heard for a couple of days, are you ok?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now