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Partner used my credit card without telling me...

(76 Posts)
theheadgirl Tue 30-Apr-13 12:06:15

....what now??
I think I know the answer though just need to talk to adults who don't have a vested interest.
I'm a single mother, been with my partner for 3 and a half years. We don't live together, his children live with him every other week, the week he doesn't have them at home he spends with me.
He has less income than me. I've lent him money before when things got tight, knowing there's little chance of getting it back. But this month I've found a transaction on my card. He paid his satellite tv bill with my card without asking me. I've confronted him, he says it was going to be cut off just before the kids were due back at his. He was planning to pay me back and hoping I didn't notice.
I'm gutted. I love him, we get on so well have lots in common, he's great with my kids
But.... I'm thinking this has to be it.
Any comments from mature compassionate m netters please xx

Longdistance Tue 30-Apr-13 12:08:22

No. Stealing is a deal breaker. You can longer be his cash cow, he's using you.

Run for the hills.

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform Tue 30-Apr-13 12:10:00

It's stealing. I don't think there is a way back from it - how can you trust him with anything again.

And boo-fucking-hoo for him and his sky. I might have had some compassion for him if it were electricity or gas or eviction or something, but having fewer tv channels to watch? What a shame!

theheadgirl Tue 30-Apr-13 12:10:38

Thank you longdistance. I'm sadder than I can express. Humiliated. But feel like I've lost something we're good together

flowery Tue 30-Apr-13 12:11:08

Surely if he genuinely intended to pay you back he would have said "My telly's going to be cut off if I don't pay this bill and I'm not getting paid until x, any chance you could lend me the money for a few days?"

Lueji Tue 30-Apr-13 12:11:12

Red flag.
Sorry.

If he doesn't have enough money, he shouldn't have satellite tv to start with.

You are effectively supporting him and he doesn't even live with you.

alienbanana Tue 30-Apr-13 12:11:44

No, get rid.

My sisters partner stole from her. It was just a little thing at first so she didn't think it was too big a deal. He went on to steal thousands.

Poledra Tue 30-Apr-13 12:12:40

It's stealing. How much effort would it have taken to ask you for a loan? Two minutes? But he didn't do that - he took the money from you and hoped you wouldn't notice.

And YY to the person that said satellite tv is hardly one of life's essentials.

Playerpleeeese Tue 30-Apr-13 12:12:45

Sky tv is not essential to his kids well being.

He's a thief and a user. Your better than that so are your children. Get rid.

Leverette Tue 30-Apr-13 12:13:39

Ring your cc company and report it as a fraudulent transaction.

Dump his stealing arse. He might be charming / funny / good in bed / whatever but he is a thief.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 30-Apr-13 12:14:05

He's been sponging off you so far if he's been borrowing money with no intention of paying it back. Stealing is appalling behaviour. Whether you were good together or not is debatable but he's been using you.... sorry.

alienbanana Tue 30-Apr-13 12:15:03

The hiding is as bad as the stealing in thefirst place. If he'd used your card once, been totally upfront about it and then paid you back then that might be diffrent. The fact that he didn't tell you,and you only found out by noticing the transaction on your card means he was hoping to get away with it and not pay you back.

How do you know he's not stolen from you before and you've just not noticed?

Bottom line is you can't trust him anymore.

NatashaBee Tue 30-Apr-13 12:15:09

If he'd intended to pay you back, he'd have asked. He was just hoping you wouldn't notice.

NotConnie Tue 30-Apr-13 12:15:12

This is as an absolute dealbreaker. Dump immediately.
He could have asked you. The fact he didn't, and went ahead and stole from you shows that he's a sneaky,lying thief who simply cannot be trusted.

Lueji Tue 30-Apr-13 12:18:21

Ring your cc company and report it as a fraudulent transaction.

If he has retained your CC number he may well use it again online...

How did he get your card details? I think your security needs looking at for the future. You don't want to be ditching him whilst he has such personal information. Get rid of him and then get a new card would be my advice.

It is a crime. It is in fact very similar to a case I was on jury service for but for a particular set of circumstances which aren't relevant here, he would have been found guilty of fraud.

theheadgirl Tue 30-Apr-13 12:23:27

Oh god. This is hard to read in black and white. But I think it's the advice I'd be giving myself if it happened to a friend.
I've got to keep my head
But I feel like an idiot and want to just crawl away and cry
Thank you everyone for responding x

alienbanana Tue 30-Apr-13 12:24:05

Agree - cancel all your cards, as he might have other details (if hes anything like my sister's bastard ex)

Change any online banking passwords too.

I don't think its your fault re security though.

WeAreEternal Tue 30-Apr-13 12:25:13

This would be a massive red flag for me too.
Why did he not just ask?

I think you need to cancel all of your cards ASAP, infancy I'd report them as lost/stolen just in case, to make sure they are all blocked from further transactions.

NotConnie Tue 30-Apr-13 12:25:41

Sorry OP, I know it must be very upsetting but his behaviour is shite.
I would also ask for your card to be reissued, he's probably picked it up from out of your purse while in your house but he could have saved the details for continued acts of thievery.

Ditch him as of now and obtain a new credit card.

Make your head overrule your heart here; he has seen you as a soft touch.

NotConnie Tue 30-Apr-13 12:26:30

x posted with banana and Eternal

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform Tue 30-Apr-13 12:26:53

You're allowed to crawl away and cry, but after you've done that it's time to dump him and cancel your cards.

My dad is a JP and he always looks really harshly upon theft cases where it's a breach of trust. Your partner has behaved appallingly.

No don't feel a fool. This isn't somebody you've know for 5 minutes who you've let lose with your cards. This is somebody you have known for quite a while and who you should have been able to trust. It is a shame he has messed it up really. More fool him.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Tue 30-Apr-13 12:31:27

If it helps at all to focus tiur anger/energy, please do consider that he is not only stealing from you, but from your DC(s). This also applies to the money you give him.

Please take action. I second tightening your card/bank security.

I would not dream of taking someone else's card to buy myself something. It is very telling of his values.

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