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I can't be fucked to name change. Follow on from DPs ex has cancer. Just found a suitcase in his room.

(198 Posts)
SirBoobAlot Sat 27-Apr-13 21:22:08

I've been drinking. Don't care.

Was round at his housemates, needed some hand cream, knew he had some E45 in his room, went to get some. Found a purple suitcase on his bed. Dress on top of it. Full of various 'girly' outfits inside. He told me he was out with someone work related last night.

The bastard has lied to me before, and now he is totally fucking me over.

We were supposed to be going out tomorrow night. He told me today that he couldn't, as he had 'football' plans.

I need to tell him to get fucked, but I feel broken.

I', 21, disabled, with a three year old son. He told me he loved me. I believed him. I feel like a complete dick. He said he loved me. I believed him.

Please, either tell me to think rationally and that I'm over reacting, or that I'm being taken for a ride. Because I can't handle this any more.

LIZS Tue 30-Apr-13 07:21:20

I think you need to accept that this man will never be your dp , sorry. He plays games, manipulates and belittles your feelings (including the debrief of your therapy sessions) and uses you for company as and when convenient. Keep at arms length. I don't recall what line of work he is in but his travelling and having to "entertain" colleagues are never going to make you feel secure especially given the recent incidents.

awkwardsis Tue 30-Apr-13 07:31:36

Boob, this has made me so cross, when actually I have no right to be. But why can't you see what's happening here? You've shown him you'll forgive pretty much anything if he brings a takeaway round fgs. Next time he does this and expects you to forgive him don't be surprised, you've shown him you'll be ok with it. He's not 'worked you' fgs, he's probably laughing his smug little face off that you fell for it. Again.

chezziejo Tue 30-Apr-13 08:05:56

I could be wrong here but isn't this second time this has happened now? He will be planning his next shag and laughing his arse off. You are 21 and he has become the master of manipulation with you. In a slightly different set if circumstances I have been there aged 21 as well with someone so good at manipulation that I didnt even know they were doing it. I was very ill with depression but it did manifest itself as physical illness in my case. Strangely after breaking free my mental health has improved 100% since. I could be well off the mark here but I suspect you may well find the same.

chezziejo it's amazing the weight that's lifted off your shoulders isn't it? Actually feels physical. I've never looked back either.

SirBoob, have you ever thought of training to become a midwife? Would you be able to do this as not sure of your level of disability? Just think you sound as if you'd make a good one?

ItsallisnowaFeegle Tue 30-Apr-13 08:29:20

I always find it really hard to jump in on a thread with so many posts but I feel really compelled to just pop in and tell you, you've got another one here to lean on.

I'm not going to pick up so much on you're age in terms of where you'll be and what hindsight will show you in a few years time. I agree with what those up thread have said but I did want to say I was shock when I read you are 21. You always conduct yourself in a mature, articulate and reasonable manner, whenever I've been on post with you and I think you offer some bloody decent advice to boot.

Why not be kind to yourself and take some of the advice you would offer if this was someone else in this position.

ItsallisnowaFeegle Tue 30-Apr-13 08:33:39

Oh and your MN name....I always thought you were a dude who liked to chew a LOT of nipple grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirBoobAlot Tue 30-Apr-13 10:07:57

Oh I know exactly what he's doing. But because I know that, I feel more in control of it. He went to kiss me and I turned away to open the door for him. He suggested he stay the night, and I said no. So whilst I might not have told him to fuck off, I certainly haven't welcomed him back with open arms. I have a problem with a 'last conversation' being an angry one - it needs to be calm for me to then be able to walk away from it. Totally illogical, but it's the way I can then process it.

I know it sounds like I'm letting him walk all over me again - but I actually feel much more powerful now that I've been able to have a calm discussion, tell him exactly what he did that wasn't okay, accept the plausible explanation, then still look him in the eye and tell him it wasn't good enough.

I was due to do a few hours work with him next week and have told him I now have plans, so I don't have to even talk with him about that. I'm stepping back, but with the final discussion having been a calm one.

Feegle grin No, just an extended breastfeeder who needed a screen name quickly, and happened to be feeding a toddler on a growth spurt!

Juniper Bless you. I'd love to be a midwife, actually, but sadly the combination of my various illnesses and being a single parent would make it impossible. At least for now.

Thanks for all of the support. Feel like I've let you all down by not cutting off his balls with a rusty tin can grin But I feel okay. Even if what he says happened actually is the way things went down, the whole situation was enough for me to reach my limit.

ItsallisnowaFeegle Tue 30-Apr-13 10:47:44

Well you need to not think you're letting any of us down, SirB.

This is your life. You live, you learn and whether or not this relationship stands the test of time, you most definitely are learning lessons about what you will/ will not tolerate.

Just keep you and DS safe and by that I mean protect your heart and your head because the last thing your wee man needs is you having your head fucked by this man and for him to grow with the impression it's ok to treat women unkindly. I know that seems a bit preachy, however, I do believe I'm not saying anything you don't already know.

Excellent name wink

chezziejo Tue 30-Apr-13 10:54:23

Certainly not let anybody down. Never feel that's the case, it's not as easy as I know. But you are gaining strength and seeing things for what they are, you will do things in your own time. If a midwife you want to be, don't be put off, there's plenty you can do in the meantime I'm sure to help any future application.

Completely off thread and apologies Boobalot but itsallisnowafeegle is that as in a Nac Mac Feegle?

SirBoobAlot Tue 30-Apr-13 10:57:43

It's run it's course, I think. We had some fun, and it's been worth having for the lessons I've learnt if nothing else, and he has been fantastically supportive at times when I've needed him there. So I don't regret it happening, but it's just time to close this chapter, I think.

In his defense, he is wonderful with DS, actually, so I certainly am not concerned about the impression he has given my little one smile

ItsallisnowaFeegle Tue 30-Apr-13 11:05:52

Sorry if it came across that I was implying he had actually had any kind of ill effect on your DS. What I meant was, I hope it never gets to be such a toxic r.ship that it does.

Onward and UP!

chezz: why it surely is! I'd like to say I was Fion but I'm probably more Daft Wullie grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirBoobAlot Tue 30-Apr-13 19:36:58

As if by perfect timing, today's therapy session was on the theme of forgiveness! A lot of discussion on how forgiveness is for your own benefit, not for those that have hurt you. Think the universe has joined forces with mumsnet to remind me the man is a wanker wink

Again, thanks all for the support.

BOF Tue 30-Apr-13 23:27:49

It's great to hear you sounding so strong smile.

SirBoobAlot Wed 01-May-13 00:57:09

I feel it, actually. Haven't contacted him at all today, and feel like the 'positive closure' was what I needed last night.

Couldn't have done it without the encouragement from everyone here though, so thank you. thanks

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 01-May-13 01:01:27

I'm glad you're feeling more sure of yourself SirBoob.flowers

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 01-May-13 01:28:50

hey, just found this.

you deserve more than this. and you know it. and i know you know it.

x

I knew this nest of vipers was good for something!

Good good good thanks

Portofino Wed 01-May-13 09:30:42

Great news! Glad you are feeling stronger and calmer xx

SirBoobAlot Wed 01-May-13 09:36:23

smile

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