Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I need to get laid

(316 Posts)
fastdriver Fri 26-Apr-13 14:37:46

That's it really.

I separated six months ago (after several sexless years). I was a faithful wife.

I don't want another relationship, I don't want to shag anyone else's man (either deliberately or inadvertently), I don't want to end up with genital herpes of anything similar.

I want a NS relationship that's mostly about sex (God I sound desperate grin).

I'm fussy about men, don't like bald or shaved heads, beards, paunches or poor hygiene.

I'm 42 and reasonably attractive.

How do I make this happen? Most men are gagging for it, aren't they? It can't be that difficult but I don't know where to start...

Has anyone been in this situation or can give me any advice?

Darkesteyes Tue 14-May-13 23:34:59

I seem to want sex more and more as i approach 40. After having a (solo) orgasm blush on Monday morning i seem to want another one.

Darkesteyes Thu 09-May-13 17:55:03

Fuck It thats exactly what i think too. They tend to hate all women and if its not weight then they usually find fault with something else. No need to apologise. Hope you find a wonderful lover too smile

Fuckitthatlldo Thu 09-May-13 17:19:25

Sorry Darkest - perhaps a slightly prickly reaction on my part.

I do think though, that if a man is a misogynist, he tends not to discriminate. Misogynists hate all women. The men who shouted those vile comments at you didn't have any respect for slim women either.

I hope you get laid by someone lovely smile

Darkesteyes Thu 09-May-13 16:56:12

I didnt mean it like that Fuck It.

I have yet to hear OI You slim bitch as i walk past a pub.
Eleven years ago when i was 21 stone (i ended up losing ten stone at SW back then and am nowhere near my old big weight now) i used to hear plenty of OI You fat bitch or OI You fat cow though.

Thats all i meant.

Fuckitthatlldo Thu 09-May-13 15:52:01

Eh? Being overweight separates the misogynists from the nice guys?

So only misogynists are attracted to slim women? I'll give up then shall I?

hmm

Marymoo73 Thu 09-May-13 15:51:42

I've been following this thread with interest, been on my own 18 months now with 2 DCs. Simply dont have the time, inclination or energy for another "proper" relationship, but am missing the intimacy/sex...think I will have a dabble on POF this weekend smile

Darkesteyes Thu 09-May-13 15:38:50

Blondie you make some good points. About a month ago i cut out all the bad stuff including my beloved pasta and potatos.
I have fish and vegtables in the evening instead.
I dont have scales in the house because id never be off the bloody things.

But i have noticed a difference already. Clothes are looser and i nearly had an embarrasing incident because of it yesterday. So just feeling that bit more comfortable and knowing that i am trying incredibly hard and doing something about it makes me feel a whole lot better.

Darkesteyes Thu 09-May-13 15:31:27

mr francis i cannot stand the whole celebrity culture/reality tv world. I much prefer to talk about deeper things like politics. When it comes to tv i like to watch crime thrillers and mysteries. And i admire talented famous people (actresses and actors like Olivia Colman who was amazing in Broadchurch and Exile and whatever she does really) I dont do soaps at all but people often dont believe that simply because i am female. And i love to read too.

KittensandKids Thu 09-May-13 12:17:17

That's very true Blondie, funnily enough a guy pal of mine told me to stop taking pictures when my hair was done and take one first thing in the morning to stop the guys who are jut looking for sex. (no idea why as obviously I look perfect in the morning too) wink

even the best looking people the looks fade, if I could find someone to have a good giggle with I think I would be happy. Or dominoes

<tucks in the low carb lunch anyway>

Blondie1969 Thu 09-May-13 11:36:35

Stuffez - Agree with darkest eyes. If someone is vain enough to go for looks alone you would not be happy or comfortable with them.
You will be amazed what a nice smile or twinkle in the eyes does with regards to getting that spark going.

I can only speak for a bloke in their 40s but over time i have come to realise that looks alone is not enough. If someone projects happiness and feels comfortable then men will ignore the fact if a woman thinks they are overweight.

I suspect that women (and men) who are down about being overweight will come across as down and maybe that stops the sparks flying when they meet someone.

If you want to lose weight then good but rather than (for example) being upset about not being your target weight be happy if you have lost 1lb since you last weighed yourself or be happy that you have only put on a lb despite having two take aways during week and a bottle of wine.

When i separated last year i decided i was slightly overweight. (6 foot four and weighed 14.5 stone with a 37 inch waist). Decided to lose some weight. Started running (or walking with intervals of jogging), eating better. In two months i was down to just under thirteen stone and 33 inch waist. Now i was lucky that i did not need to lose much.
But in that time what helped spur me on (i hate running/jogging) was compliments i got from friends (only one chin rather than two, beer belly gone) and family. Never factored in cost of new clothes but that helped with my confidence/self esteem in terms of buying clothes that fitted rather than were slightly too big or too small because i used to go for sale items.

Men are prats at times and do miss out if they go on looks alone.

mrfrancis82 Thu 09-May-13 09:32:33

Darkest Eyes - It stems from conversations at work. Older ladies tend to talk about more interesting things than X Factor and The Voice, or just the whole reality TV culture, that I despise. Also, older women that I've come across are more confident, comfortable in their own skin, which is also a turn on for me.

Don't get me wrong, I like girls my own age too, but would love to experience someone older.

Darkesteyes Thu 09-May-13 02:18:02

Blondie thats a grt post. See if i was to start seeing someone i would want what you describe.
A bit of intelligent conversation and mental stimulation. its about much more than just sex.

Darkesteyes Thu 09-May-13 02:15:04

mr francis what is it about us older ladies that you like. Im just curious. And 40 next month unfortunately

Darkesteyes Wed 08-May-13 20:53:10

Stuffez if they run away for that reason then they are not worth being with.

And people who are that judgy could also be missing out on an amazing chemistry with someone.
Sexual chemistry ...that spark that happens sometimes is about much more than looks.

Poohbearandpiglet Wed 08-May-13 20:08:36

So funny to find this thread; I came on to MN to actually start a thread and offload a little as a bit blush today..

Similar to OP, out of a relationship for about 6 months, quite a drawnout breakup so was feeling very sad for a while, but lately have been feeling in need of some fun IYKWIM.
Soooooo, DC were staying at the GPs last night so I could have a night off and I arranged a date (from OD), just a couple of drinks. Date went ok,but neither of us felt a spark I don't think. Anyway on my walk home, I nipped into the local pub as I needed to tell the landlord something and there was a gorgeous guy sitting on his own at the bar (just finished playing some sort of sport).

As I'd had a couple of drinks and I have zero, I mean literally nada tolerance for alcohol and rarely drink, I basically accosted the poor man told him to walk me home!! Then I wouldn't let the poor man leave, so he stayed the night! bloody hell though, I needed that. He was lovely actually and it was great! grin

Seriously though, very out of character to pick up a random guy in the pub, I'm actually very shy (I did check he was single btw!).

So yes..it is possible to um..erm..find someone for that sort of thing.

mrfrancis82 Wed 08-May-13 19:38:21

I'd love to have an FB up to and including her 40's, just to see what it's like. I find older women a bit of a turn on to be honest.

BicBiro Wed 08-May-13 18:18:08

I'd like, even.

BicBiro Wed 08-May-13 18:17:43

I'd a fuck buddy. I just need to get past this stage of 'cant be arsed to look for one..' first. wish one would just drop into my lap grin

StuffezLaYoni Wed 08-May-13 17:38:42

And being overweight (although im a work in progress) is a bloody good way of seperating the mysogynists from the nice guys.

Just opened this thread and read this comment from darkesteyes and think its absolutely spot on. I'm tentatively doing online dating and am terrified that men will see my relatively nice face pics, then see me in the flesh and run away. Sigh.

KittensandKids Wed 08-May-13 17:34:12

Caketurn temporary bisexual - flip to the other side and get in touch with your femme side

Is this even possible ? confused

Maybe it would be easier liking both sexes, well I do but not in the same way...iykwim

Loullybelly is only 30 and gagging on it would maybe like to swap mail with you!

I have name-changed, I'm fine until August and 27 is just too young for me, I need to start dating/talking too men my own age sad

I need to find one tbh. I like to talk for a few months before meeting, May, June July.... Nah I will leave it until June/July. Although the DC go away for 2/3 weeks every July.

Dangerous times

mrfrancis82 Wed 08-May-13 16:57:46

I exchanged a few flirty messages with an older woman on here before - it was great but came to an end a while back. Would be happy to do it again with someone and see where it leads. I'm 27.

EternalRose Tue 07-May-13 12:48:09

ha! This thread has made me laugh.

cakes1 Tue 07-May-13 10:50:31

ha-ha- loving this thread- hilarious postings hello* gives hello
so the options are ladies are what: let me spice things up here.

Get an MOT from the list below:-)
investment in a battery friend, they don't talk back and its a clean biz
pamper yourself and hire a mesr' to give you an MOT
- or go the extra mile to top up your mojo
join a gym i.e. free 10 - 30 days and flirt with the large waves of bubbles in the Jacuzzi, just sit on the waves and count sleep :-)
purchase a bicycle and get some thrills from countless rides
turn temporary bisexual - flip to the other side and get in touch with your femme side
regular daily/weekly gym exercise works wonders
and if all of the above doesn't float your boat:
use what mother nature gave you in front of a good x movie
just stating the facts here if you are not up for bagging the real
thing i.e. a man who is gagging for it night and dad and barks
orders at you 24 x 7 even when you are not in the mood for a shag!

Good Luck getting laid what ever options you decide works for you !

Loulybelle Tue 07-May-13 10:25:07

Thats a decent perspective Blondie.

Blondie1969 Tue 07-May-13 10:10:53

Thought I would add to thread from a male perspective.

Separated last year. Turns out my ex had been having an affair.

After taking time to rearrange life to look after kids around working full time realised I was missing some kind of romance as well as sex (and had been for some time within marriage)

For me I knew i did not want another full on relationship but wanted but decided to test the waters in POF.

As some people have women have said POF can be full of either nutters (men in 40s who think they are Gods gift or men in 20s or 30s trying luck).

Trust me the same is true from a male perspective. I did not want to lead anyone on and met/chatted some really nice women.
But out of all the women I met not many met the "checklist" i set myself.
ie they needed to be intelligent, open. Someone my age. Someone not looking for me to move in or be father to their kids after two weeks.

Someone who wanted dinners, days out. Appreciate this sounds a bit like I was looking for a girlfriend but I did want a little bit more than sex. Maybe a fling or short term romance is the word for it. So even though i mentioned romance earlier on which again signals i was looking for a full on relationship i think what i mean is for someone to have treated me as someone who they wanted to be with (for my conversation!! intelligence as well as the sex!!)

Someone who was not expecting me to text 500 times a day.

POF does work if you take enough care.

But for it too work both parties need to understand from the outset what its about.

I have heard from a few women about horror stories from men they gave numbers too who then would not stop stalking when they were politely turned down.

I have rambled a bit and hopefully will not get shot down like a number of contributors to thread.

I just want to emphasise that you can find that f**k buddy if you try hard enough!!

So best of luck for those women (and men) who are searching.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now