I am trying desperately to not completely fall out with my sister, but I fear it is going to happen.
Bit of background, she is the eldest of three girls, we also have two brothers.
She lives in New Zealand, is divorced and very bitter about that. Has been divorced for around 10 years, but constantly refers back to how she has had such a difficult time, what a bastard he was etc etc. I have always been sympathetic, but now feel he is not worth her breath, we have spent too many hours on him.
She visits every other year or so, every time she visits, there is some sort of display of massive attention seeking.
On one occasion, I invited her to dinner with a male work colleague, he and I were close friends, like brother and sister. We would often eat together, with clients etc, so nothing unusual. She ended up getting completely uncontrollably drunk and making a massive and very public pass at the guy. He was mortified, did not want to upset me by being rude etc, it was totally embarrassing, for him. My husband came to pick us up and could not believe what she was doing, apart from getting undressed she could not have gone much further. The next day at work, he and I discussed it, he was fine, just laughed it off. I know his wife really well of course, and I know that he would never have done anything, to hurt his wife.
My sisters husband was an adulterer, and she always goes on about how awful the other women were for going with a married man, but its ok for her?
She still to this day (it happened about five years ago), says "oh he liked me". Err, no he just didn't want to cause a scene and tell you to piss off.
Another thing, my father died, quite some time ago. He wasn't a good husband, I will grant you that. But to ME he was a good father, we got on well. She didn't like or get on with him. SHe constantly runs him down, even after 20 years of him being dead. I ended up having a row with her and saying for god's sake leave it now, it's over, I loved him and I am sick of you running him down. My mother was in no way perfect either!
Another occasion, she decided to tell one of my brothers at a family party, that us girls had been sexually assaulted by an uncle. The whole story came out at the party. I had not told my husband, but it all came out at the party. That was wrong, she should have asked my permission, she had no right to do that. When I said, I had not told my husband (my choice) her answer was, "well you have a good marriage, he'll get over it".
We had a lot of problems with our son between the age of 15-18, proper problems, police everything. He made both mine and DHs life hell. At 18, he got into trouble with the police, that sorted him! He stopped, turned himself round, dropped the problem friends.
He is now 21, nothing for three years, will she shut up about it.....NO!!!
This morning, when I spoke to her, again she said (as she nearly always does) in the quiet hushed voice "any more problems with A?" I said this morning, that was ages ago, I tell you everytime, no problems now so can we now drop it? She also said I wished A happy 21st on facebook, and he answered, like she was surprised, why wouldn't he answer again the problems were three years ago.
She acts like her three daughters have never done a thing wrong, which is just not true, they have all had there problems.
This is just a snapshot, but just to give you a picture.
She is due over again for six weeks shortly, my whole family (my other brothers and sister) want to play happy families, but for whatever reason, she seems to really rub me up the wrong way. The others always want to make exceptions for her and quite honestly I don't.
How am I going to get through the visit???
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Sister issues - please help me manage
doingmyhead · 26/04/2013 08:08
Thank you, you are making me feel sane. The rest of my family, seem to allow her to do anything she wants and then forgive her. It's a prodigal "sister" scenario.
I have arranged a week away while she is here, I will need that breathing space.
I do think she has an element of jealousy about the relationship myself and DH have, we have been married 26 years and are really close. So she try's to highlight bad things like our sons historic behaviour.
God this is going to be tough.... 
Cogito, you know my sister? You really have hit the nail on the head!
She comes here knocking everything about our area, the planes going over, the small roads, the weather, the noise etc etc
Where she lives is if course perfect, they have no anti social problems (they do!), everything in her life is perfect.
She was recently admitted to hospital for two days, she says she didn't bother telling her girls, as they would all come rushing. One still lives at home, but didn't even notice.
I think you are right, complete insecurity, therefore attack is the best form of defence.
I will have to practise, my withering look, and learn too thank her for pointing out the shortcomings in my life, home, job, children.
Either that or tell her to piss off.
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