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Dp been really off with me since going on a stag doo.

(280 Posts)
whatapotatohead Tue 23-Apr-13 13:06:16

Dp went away this weekend on a stag doo. He came home on Sunday night and has hardly spoken to me sincesad
I was fine with him going away (actually looking forward to a few girly days with dd) and have been fine with him since he has been home, stayed up until he came home even though it was late and had to be up in the morning, had a beer and a snack waiting in the fridge for him when he got home. Nice meal prepared for last night...
He wouldn't come to bed on Sunday, stayed downstairs until I was asleep, hardly spoke to me last night and wouldn't come to bed again but stayed downstairs until 1am.
I have asked what is wrong with him but he just says he is fine then goes quiet again.
Don't want to keep asking him what's wrong but can't stand feeling like this.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 02-May-13 17:14:01

I'm glad you finally had the 'chat' and that you believe nothing went on and hope all the others were single (tho doubt it)

It's the bride I feel sorry for sad

As above / what a cunt the groom is

Stupid little man

Branleuse Thu 02-May-13 17:43:10

ah, lovely update. Good to hear x

Pilgit Thu 02-May-13 17:52:58

glad to hear nothing untoward (from him). If it were my DH doing this he would probably have been trying hard to reconcile that behaviour to people he thought of as friends. He would be disappointed in them for doing it and then really aggrieved at the bullying post the event. He would have trouble articulating the disappointment and disgust it would have caused - and this would lead to being introverted and a bit 'off' for a couple of days till he told me what had happened.

AndMiffyWentToSleep Thu 02-May-13 17:56:16

Glad he opened up and that things are going well for you now.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 02-May-13 18:01:59

thanks for update OP. I also think you DH is telling you the truth. His friends are idiots, and I pity the poor bride. sad

To be fair, I have been to a sex club and dancing club in Amsterdam (with DH) and it was hideous. There were the 'usual lot' perving and a couple of Japanese having a wank while watching the show. It wasnt a turn on for my DH and not for me either. But I did want to see what all the hooha was about. Im nosy like that! smile

The only thing I would say is make it crystal clear that he doesnt get to take his guilt or moods out on you, its not fair. And I can see from recent update that you have told him this. Not much more you can do really.

Goodadvice1980 Thu 02-May-13 18:27:44

Hi OP,

Glad you have answers now.

His friends sound completely vile; I think I'd be questioning my judgement radar if it were my friends who had behaved like that. They sound like bullies.

The whole sordid thing will probably hang over your OH for the whole of the wedding if he is this upset by their behaviour on the stag do.

Is there concrete proof that the groom cheated? I would be so tempted to tell her and spare her the misery of marrying a complete arse who obviously has no respect for his future wife.

ProphetOfDoom Thu 02-May-13 19:39:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherriesarered Thu 02-May-13 20:06:25

I would tell the bride, who wants a honeymoon dose of VD!

hollyisalovelyname Thu 02-May-13 22:47:08

Glad you got sorted.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Thu 02-May-13 22:58:43

I think you have to tell the bride - it's a health protection issue, ultimately, as if her sexual partner has slept with a prostitute in Amsterdam, she's at quite serious risk.
It will result in the most horrible blow up and a terrible falling out, but you'd feel a lot worse if you didn't tell and he gave her some awful disease.

SimLondon Thu 02-May-13 23:11:54

hmmmmm

Guerrillacrochet Fri 03-May-13 04:11:44

Bloody hell people leave the OP alone! It sounds like a perfectly reasonable explanation, why insinuate (some of you) that there could be more to it? It sounds like he was weirded out by it and was brooding. Yes he was off with OP, no he shouldn't have been, but we're all a bit shit sometimes. nothing suggests there is anything else lurking in the background- why play to her insecurities, especially when this could actually be a good thing for their relationship if they're talking more?
And as for telling the bride?!? Are you absolutely mad?
1) She, or her DH, don't know what went on with the dancer.
2) The bride knew her DH had arranged the stag night in Amsterdam and it is up to her to discuss it OR NOT with her HTB
3) Of course any kind of sexual activity has an inherant risk of an STI, but I would imagine that an Amsterdam sex worker (the 'cleanest' in the world, apparently) is no riskier than the groom shagging some random girl he picked up in a bar (which could be possible, he sounds like the type).
Flame away, but it sounds like some people almost want there to be more to this than there was, or want the OP to open another can of worms that is nothing to do with her.
OP- glad it's sorted.

whatapotatohead Fri 03-May-13 12:48:03

Thanks.
I don't feel able to speak to the bride to be, I don't really know her and dp doesn't know what if anything happened. we are going to the wedding but I am driving so wont be staying late.

JaceyBee Fri 03-May-13 12:52:26

Yes for gods sake don't tell the bride!! Keep well out of the whole thing. Glad things are sorted for you.

Floggingmolly Fri 03-May-13 12:57:51

Would they really go that far?. Why do stag parties usually go to Amsterdam? Really?

Bant Fri 03-May-13 13:01:13

Molly - some stag parties go to Amsterdam because you can get stoned out of your minds in coffee bars with your mates, and drink until you fall over. Not all men want to have sex with prostitutes. Some of us actually really don't like the idea, strangely enough.

wreckitralph Fri 03-May-13 13:04:04

One of our close friends was at a stag do of a mutual friend. He had a stripper and then went off with her. Our friend went out the back a few minutes later and basically dragged the groom off the stripper and told him to get his act together. His now wife is always telling us what a wonderful husband he is and ow he is so thoughtful. She's always saying how he brings her sweet gifts from his business trips. I know a few people who go on business with him and they hate hanging out with him as all he wants to do is chase foreign skirt. Their words not mine.

Unfortunately the guys wife is a real snob and looks down on a lot of us. I have to avoid her because if she pisses me off too much I may say something!!!

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Fri 03-May-13 23:11:21

Amsterdam sex workers the cleanest in the world, are they? What a load of shit. Sex worker are at high risk of STIs and people who sleep with them are risking exposure. And frankly, it's highly unlikely this repulsive specimen disappeared with her to discuss the weather.
If you saw someone driving towards a cliff at full speed would you do nothing or would you fell you had a moral duty to try and warn them? I'm willing to bet the latter. yet you would be willing to let some poor woman risk chlamydia, warts or worse. i think that's pretty disgraceful.

Xales Sat 04-May-13 00:31:47

If you think that is a reasonable reason I hope everything goes well for you.

Why were you the only person he was shitty to?

I would be letting him know that it unacceptable to treat you the way he has and not to do it again.

Cherriesarered Sat 04-May-13 09:31:50

Yes, I imagine that those poor women trafficked across Europe and forced into the sex trade are definitely the "cleanest" women in the sex trade. I would not want my future husband to be visiting one of them though, would you?

SugarPasteGreyhound Sat 04-May-13 16:03:08

Read "slave girl" by Sarah Forsyth. Young girl who thought she was going to be a nursery nurse abroad, ended up being trafficked into sex work in Amsterdam's red light district.

Just because it's legal doesn't mean that the workers are there freely.

You stare at the women in the windows - the odds are you will be looking at a good few who are literally prisoners who are being raped in exchange for cash, by tourists who think it's a bit of fun and who have no idea nor interest in whether the person they are fucking is participating of their own free will or not.

But then a man who views a woman just as a convenient orifice that can be hired by the half-hour, is not someone that I would want to spend my life with.

BabbleBitch Sat 04-May-13 16:34:19

If I was the bride-to-be I would want to be told the truth about the man I was about to marry so that I could call off the wedding.

If I were the OP and her DH I would certainly not be attending this sham of a wedding.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 04-May-13 19:58:48

Guess no one apart from the groom and stripper knows what happened

But to me even a drunken kiss and grope is as a bad as sleeping with someone as its the intent sad

If the groom did do something then I pity his bride

Guerrillacrochet Mon 06-May-13 08:05:46

I'm not vindicating this cretin- he sounds like a shitbag, and so do most of his slimeball pals. I bet the pressure was on the OP's DH and the other guy to get involved so they would have collective guilt to keep schtum.
But the point is that none of us know the BTB, including the OP. It is their relationship and it is for her to discuss what happened at the stag night with her ratty HTB. The fact remains that none of us, or the OP's DH, knew what happened with the stripper, meteorological discussions or not.
Of course some Amsterdam sex workers will have STIs. But I gather, from the sources I've been able to garner, that a high % use protection and that a large % have regular health screening. So I don't think it is entirely a pile of shit to compare it to shagging some random pick up in a bar.
of course sex trafficking is a bad thing. But we're not really here to talk about that, are we? Yes it is horrible, awful. But I don't see why this should be another stick to beat the poor OP up with to guilt her into into talking to the bride.

Cherriesarered Mon 06-May-13 19:28:56

I don't think it is wrong to question the morality of those who perpetuate rape and degradation of women or the partners that condone trips to Amsterdam in the interests of a bit of "fun" or a "laugh". I assume you think it's okay to visit UK sex workers too? 80% of London sex workers are foreign born and many of those women will have been trafficked too.

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