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I think I'm going to tell DH its over tomorrow morning

(81 Posts)
BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:06:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ouchmyhead Mon 22-Apr-13 03:12:31

You've not failed your DD. I think you know you have to leave him, he sounds like an awful man and no relationship should be like what you have described! As for what country to live in, where are your family and friends? Where do you feel most comfortable? Don't worry about your new job, if you stay you'll start it and if you leave you'll never have to face them so there won't be an issue! Sorry I can't be more help.

dontmeanto Mon 22-Apr-13 03:14:31

Can you take child out of the country without father's consent? I'd look into this.

As for the relationship, I think a separation would be good, for now.

Aggression around the baby is, obviously, not acceptable. I worry for you and baby's safety as he seems very erratic when drinking.

Do you love him?

worriedmcflurry Mon 22-Apr-13 03:15:45

Think you're making the right decision. He doesn't sound like a pleasant person to be around and I can only see it getting worse. You haven't failed your daughter. Her father has failed her. Give yourself a break and figure out what's best for the two of you.

Chubfuddler Mon 22-Apr-13 03:15:49

You haven't failed your daughter. Not at all.

You don't say where you are (don't if you don't want to) but will the local laws allow you to take dd out of the country? You may not be able to come back to the uk without his consent.

I don't blame you for wanting to leave, not one bit. It sounds awful and as if things are escalating.

BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:17:02

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dontmeanto Mon 22-Apr-13 03:17:36

Scratch that, Ouch is right. You deserve better. I'd leave him, Betsy.

BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:17:51

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LookingForwardToMarch Mon 22-Apr-13 03:19:09

Why would you stay with him if he would move away with you?

If someones a dick moving to another country will not change that.

Longdistance Mon 22-Apr-13 03:21:18

Next time he has a drink, maybe record him. Then play it back to him.

I think some time away from each other would be a good idea.

BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:21:53

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Longdistance Mon 22-Apr-13 03:22:05

Play it back to him when he's sober.

BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:22:31

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BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:22:39

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BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:23:22

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lottiegarbanzo Mon 22-Apr-13 03:23:29

How awful and difficult for you. I think you're right to draw a line, you just can't believe someone who says what you want to hear then does the opposite. It means living with constant uncertainty.

Go where you can cope best and live as well and as easily as possible. If he wants to see dd he'll make sure he does but you need to be somewhere where you feel safe and secure. You haven't failed your dd, you're protecting her and giving her a safe, secure, consistent, predictable environment to grow up in, which is really important.

BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:27:28

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Ouchmyhead Mon 22-Apr-13 03:29:18

It doesn't matter if he doesn't get drunk every night, he clearly reacts badly to alcohol and shouldn't be drinking if he acts so vile on it, your little girl doesn't need to see her Dad behaving like that, or her mum being treated like that! Leave and build a good life for you both, show her by your example that women are strong, that if a man treats you badly you walk away and don't look back. It will be hard, but so worth it. It sounds like you basically look after your daughter by yourself anyway, all moving out will do is give you your own space where you can relax, and not be worrying about drunken idiots making your life a misery!

BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:29:39

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BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:31:47

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Chubfuddler Mon 22-Apr-13 03:31:52

I honestly don't know. I think even in the EU it may vary. You need to take legal advice on that point I think.

BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:34:22

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BetsyBoob Mon 22-Apr-13 03:34:46

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dontmeanto Mon 22-Apr-13 03:35:44

Not sure, but it would only be an issue if he objects to you moving back with DD.

Sounds like he's decided not to grow up and put his family first.

I know what its like being in foreign country with no support while going through a split. I really feel for you. x

Chubfuddler Mon 22-Apr-13 03:36:25

Just to make it clear I would leave him regardless of whether you could leave the country with dd. I think he is an alcoholic and a nasty drunk to boot.

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