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Shitty boring relationship

(76 Posts)
GirlWiththeLionHeart Sat 20-Apr-13 17:53:58

That's it really. My relationship is shitty and boring and I feel so deflated I can't even cry. I have a baby ds who is a four months old.

My partner is a nice guy but just seems so uninterested in me.
This is a week in my life, he goes to work , I sah with ds, he comes home watches an hour of telly with us while eating , I take ds to bed and then P goes on his game from 9-1am every night. Last night he came to bed at 3am.

Today it was glorious weather, I took ds out for a lovely long walk followed by lunch in town, P stayed in confused I did ask if he wanted to come. I come home and he watches football for 2 hours, when that finishes asks if I minded if he played his game.

What is this, seriously?! My relationship is shit. I'm withholding sex now as I feel like, why should I sleep with him if he won't even watch a film with me?

There's no quality time for us. He's not interested. I feel myself falling out of love when it should be a great time with my new family sad

GirlWiththeLionHeart Sat 20-Apr-13 22:50:24

I'm lying next to my beautiful innocent son, so full of sadness for him and guilt that his parents probably won't make it together sad I came from a broken family and I never wanted it for my dcs but I guess it's going to happen. I feel like shit and actually wish I was dead

Loulybelle Sat 20-Apr-13 22:50:43

Pffft go out, you'll find he'll be in every night playing.

Theres a reason for the stereotype that games are sad and lonely, because they take online life way to seriously.

Loulybelle Sat 20-Apr-13 22:53:12

Babe, dont feel sad for him, because he has you, a parent who loves him more than they love bloody bunch of microchips, he has you, he'll always have you, I've been you and i tell you, been single 4 years, but it was better than being sat at home listening to my exp snore. Now you can do what you want and when you like.

wonderingagain Sat 20-Apr-13 22:57:00

Oh this is so bloody sad. This man is behaving like a teenager. He sounds like one of Kevin and Perry's mates on the Fast Show. Tell him that from me.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Sat 20-Apr-13 22:57:41

Thank you LB, that means a lot. I can't believe him.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Sat 20-Apr-13 23:00:23

I shouldn't of ttc with him, why did I? But now I have my ds and I'm so happy. I feel sick and confused. He's the most selfish person I've ever known to throw his family away because he feels trapped because he's had to stay in and be a father. Most men want to stay in when they've just had a son, right?! This is crazy

wonderingagain Sat 20-Apr-13 23:02:01

LB your perspective is spot on. DP prefers the attention of his computer games to his own child and partner.

wonderingagain Sat 20-Apr-13 23:04:23

Girl it's ups and downs in the early stages if this is his his first son he might just be being green and stupid. Mine was a bit off in the first year, behaving like a student but eventually the light bulb went on and he took responsibility.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Sat 20-Apr-13 23:11:00

I really hope so. The stuff he was saying just broke my heart though. Making out he was trapped with someone so horrible when I would do anything for him and ds. I hope he sees the light, if not ill ask him to leave

Loulybelle Sat 20-Apr-13 23:13:27

Your DP has an addiction, and like all addictions, it turns people into moody, defensive people, unfortunately its not considered a real addiction.

squiby2004 Sun 21-Apr-13 00:21:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squiby2004 Sun 21-Apr-13 00:22:32

Didn't like the counsellor!!

BicBiro Sun 21-Apr-13 00:45:49

he's getting defensive and turning it around because he knows deep down that he's in the wrong. i would try not to engage with that if you can because otherwise you'll just end up in a row with blame flying everywhere.

you know the truth, it doesnt matter what he says. he's not emotionally connected to you and DS at the moment - he's opting out of family life through rubbish escapism that take him deep into the night and probably render him useless in the morning too. great, what use is that to you?

maybe he's just not up to the job of being a decent partner and father.

i would tel him to move out and go and live this wonderful single life he's dreaming of. grass is greener and all that. i know youre sad and hurt at what he said, but if he's giving you nothing to work with then what can you do?

fionathepink Sun 21-Apr-13 00:54:45

Tell him to turn off the game, turn off the phone for a set amount of time with you each week. Make that time sacred. Having a LO is hard but take out an hour in the evening to talk about your days. If needs be lock all the phones away and unplug the internet.

Or tell him you are taking a few hours to yourself and he is in charge of LO. That won't fix your relationship but might make him see he needs to be more involved.

This man is a knob.

You have your son and a full life ahead of you.

Knob has fuck all except a bad attitude.

I know which one I would stick with.

Ask knob to move out with his x-box/game console (diddums)

and start enjoying life with your child. It's really not that bad being a lone parent.

Loulybelle Sun 21-Apr-13 07:52:52

Being a lone parent is a damn sight better than being a miserable one waiting for an idiot to notice you.

MadBusLady Sun 21-Apr-13 09:27:28

The game's a red herring. DP plays games, it's really not a problem. He last played maybe three weeks ago? It's just like any other hobby that can enhance life in moderation but become an obsession if abused.

There's clearly no point trying to talk it through if he's going to react like that. Call his bluff if you can, agree that he is to move out. See how he likes it. If he doesn't wake up very quickly you'll have your answer sad

MadBusLady Sun 21-Apr-13 09:27:57

The game's a red herring. DP plays games, it's really not a problem. He last played maybe three weeks ago? It's just like any other hobby that can enhance life in moderation but become an obsession if abused.

There's clearly no point trying to talk it through if he's going to react like that. Call his bluff if you can, agree that he is to move out. See how he likes it. If he doesn't wake up very quickly you'll have your answer sad

Sh1ney Sun 21-Apr-13 10:00:50

Well, talk of broken homes and wishing you were dead is a tad melodramatic. You know that a single parent family is exactly like a two parent family, yes? In the main, it absolutely is. And the bonus is you don't have the man child hanging around.

You' re right in the middle of the worst bit and that's why you feel so down. You'll pick right up when you tell him to leave and give this a year or two and you'll be back to normal - living the life you're meant to live... and with a man who actually excites you. That's the future... time to get cracking?

GirlWiththeLionHeart Sun 21-Apr-13 10:01:58

Woke up as if nothing happened. He's gone out to get breakfast and is being nice but I'm just ignoring him. After saying he's been thinking of moving out for a few weeks he now wants to act like nothing happened.

You're right LB, I would much rather be alone than with someone who does everything to avoid spending time with me.

He got addicted to a similar game throughout my pregnancy and we had the exact same argument. When he got bored of the game, he was suddenly very available and wanted to spend time (I also moved out for a few days).

I just feel so flat. Your replies mean so much to me.

Bic you're right about the defensiveness. I feel like calling his bluff and saying go and have that great single life you yearn so much.

Thing is he has said I don't let him go out hmm I'm the one who's always saying go out when I was preg because you won't have time to when baby is here. He didnt. He went out for drinks when ds was 2-3 weeks old

GirlWiththeLionHeart Sun 21-Apr-13 10:03:43

I know Sh1ney it was melodramatic but I'm pretty devastated at his behaviour tbh. But I know ill be fine and ill meet someone nicer too. This just isn't what I wanted but its not the end of the world.

LittleFrieda Sun 21-Apr-13 10:10:42

How old are you, OP? And how old is he?

nurseneedshelp Sun 21-Apr-13 10:11:45

Sorry haven't read it all but does he smoke cannabis?

chocoreturns Sun 21-Apr-13 10:24:28

I have to say, it's either an addiction or just another form of shitty entitled behaviour. I agree for your own sake you need to make a stand. Do move out, or throw him out. Or when he has gone to work, dispose of the gaming equipment.

If you go for the last option, have someone with you at home (a male friend, your dad?) when he gets back. If it's an addiction, he may well lose it completely if you dispose of the xbox or whatever. However, if it is witnessed by a third party a) you'll be protected from him having a rage, and b) he won't be able to play it down later. Breaking the cycle of addiction might give you a chance of sorting it out, but he needs to be willing to give up the game completely. An hour a night won't cut it - just like a glass of wine with dinner doesn't do it for an alcoholic!

Whatever you do I think you need to make it quite a statement so that he notices and listens to what you are saying. Otherwise the only option is to walk away, which may or may not be for the best - you would no doubt be fine (I am a happy single mum!) but if you still want to try and work it out I'd try and give him a reality check about his 'relationship' with this machine.

ie: You shouldn't be in a relationship with a machine!

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