Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

No one to talk to about this in RL so on here instead, AGAIN!!

(53 Posts)
flushes Sat 20-Apr-13 11:46:40

Hello

I seem to lunge from one crisis to another, NPD mother, difficult and challenging DC, bouts of depression and now an unsavoury episode with DH last night. Will write it all down as best I can as don't feel I can discuss with anyone in RL.

DH is particularly stressed with work, he has a difficult manager who seems to have it in for him. He has been approached about another role but is unsure to take it. I have recently been giving what I thought was helpful advice about how to deal with this person, one of the emails he bcc me into I thought DH sounded confrontational with said manager and I told him to tone it down and try and be more diplomatic when dealing with this person (manager is based in London and DH works in the region).

Last night, after spending a few days down there, he came in very stressed and upset. The DC had worn me down again with their behaviour but finally had gone to sleep. He was telling me about how manager was being difficult again and the potential client activity would be managed from London, not from the region with DH managing the London team. Obviously this would be totally unrealistic and I said this and suggested that he tells the manager to get someone in the London office to manage team. I think this manager is threatened by DH and wants to push him out by being difficult so my tactic is that DH should try and be amenable, call her bluff and get the manager to be more reasonable and see sense. Well, DH totally flew off the handle, accusing me of always criticising him and his ability and that why can't I just listen and support him when he is going through such difficulties. I thought I was by giving him some helpful solutions like I had with the email incident. He rounded on me again saying I always make life difficult for him and he doesn't need me stressing him anymore. This was wrong but I got on the defensive, and then did personally have a go and said to him if he is that stubborn and pigheaded to not listen to my advice, and that no wonder the manager is being awful to him, and that perhaps its not just me who has to deal with his difficult and frustrating attitude.

As I said, I'd had a long day with DC and so went upstairs to finish my ironing and had been feeling hormonal. He came upstairs to try and reason but I said I didn't want to talk and would he just leave me alone as I was feeling fed up. That's where the shouting and cussing kicked in, he called me some awful things and said he'd had enough of me and our marriage and just wanted out. He really frightened me with his rage and hatred so I just walked out and into the bedroom. I closed the door and not sure what happened but the door flew open and he came barging in with such hatred in his eyes. My head is a bit blurry on detail (due to shock) but I went back downstairs and sat on the sofa watching tv in shock, anger and upset. He very rarely gets that mad but when he does its frightening. One of DC woke up, probably with commotion and I went upstairs to soothe DC and then went back into our bedroom as I wanted DH to leave so that I could put DC in our bed and so I could stay with DC. He went and slept downstairs. I went down to tell him that he was a thug for talking to me like that but he just told me to go away.

This morning we've not really spoken other than about DC Saturday activities. My sadness and low mood has returned (been battling depression this last few months) and I just don't feel like doing anything today as I'm stll upset about last night. He has gone out now and I tried ringing to see if he really meant what he said. Apparently he just gets frustrated and I push him into these outbursts. Obviously he is stressed about work but that is no excuse is it? I was wrong to goad him but I'm not sure I want to do this. Feel like I've enough on my plate, everything feels so awful now, just want to stay in the bedroom away from everyone.

I cant believe how much I've written but I can't discuss this in RL. It's a relief to write it down. Not sure what I want from anyone reading this, just an understanding ear and support. Thanks

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Fri 26-Apr-13 12:56:47

So pleased things haven't spirralled out of control and that you are both trying to work things out.

Good luck to you both! X

Jux Fri 26-Apr-13 17:17:04

I'm glad you feel more hopeful, and see a way forward.

FWIW, it won't kill him to be apart from you and children longer, even if it were months or years. Just saying.

What is it that makes you pick and pick and pick? Are you getting a reasonable response initially, or is that the only way to get taken seriously? You need to think about this sort of thing if you want a long-lasting, satisfying and happy relationship.

LightAFire Fri 26-Apr-13 18:23:59

That sounds like a good start flushes - wish you all the best with it!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now