Bit of background:
Dysfunctional, violent upbringing, father alcoholic, mother violent, cruel enabler but also victim of father's violence. He's dead, so that's one problem over. DM has had a fascination with death and illness for years - will go to any funeral however tenuous her connection with the deceased, will visit people from her parish she hardly knows in hospital, etc.
Current situation: Last weekend we found out that my BIL has a serious, life-threatening illness. All week my mother has been phoning me every day with her funeral voice, ghoulishly monologuing about people she knew/ knows who had a similiar condition, what symptoms they had, what treatment they had, what their DH/ DW said about it, etc. I know it sounds demented, but she's revelling in it. She's always becomes more animated and energised when discussing illness or death, like she feeds off it. She doesn't need any feedback or engagement from the other person, she'll just go on and on regardless of whether they are reacting or not. I can't describe how distasteful it is to listen to - I came off the phone from her the other day shaking with shock and rage, so God knows how my sister /BIL feel when she talks to them.
I don't know if anyone can help. I want to find out if this behaviour is recognised by other people as being a "thing" and how they deal with it; and to find out if anyone has any ideas about how I can support my sister. She has a major drink problem and is still vulnerable to being hurt by mother's malice, which is seemingly limitless. I feel so bad for her that at this horrible time, she doesn't have a mother she can turn to for comfort and support and in fact has one who can only add to her distress. I don't know how or even if I can ameliorate some of the damage she's still capable of wreaking.
Sorry I know this is a bit incoherent but there is so much information to try to pack in so I'm not drip feeding and this post is already too long and now DS is yelling at me that he wants the computer. I need to go out for the day so can't come back for a while but would be grateful for any advice.
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Can someone tell me WTF is wrong with my mother? And what I can do re damage limitation?
18 replies
BasilBabyEater · 20/04/2013 08:52
OP posts:
tangerinefeathers ·
22/04/2013 09:51
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