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Unwanted pregnancy,and DH will not talk to me.

(172 Posts)
ohdearhelp Fri 19-Apr-13 21:18:25

I have name changed for this. I also don't think this is the right place but I need help and there is a lot of traffic here.
I have been with my DH for 10 years married for 8 and we have 4 lovely DCs.
I had our youngest 2 years ago and it nearly killed me. I was told after I had him that I could not have any more children. This was fine because we already have 4 and we both know how luck we are to have them.

Anyway I have been ill on and off for about 3 months and I had just put it down to a sickness bug. However DH was worried so I went to my local GP, 2 days ago and it turns out I am pregnant (about 16 weeks gone)with twins. They are small for their age but they are alive and the doctor believes that they are growing.

I am terrified and I had to wait until Dh came home to tell him. He is very upset and when I had finished telling him he got up and left and he is refusing to talk about it at all. I have asked him if he would just sit and talk to me. He said no. I told him that I am scared and that I need hi to talk to me. He said that this was all my fault and he didn't want to talk about it. He left the house and didn't return until late.
Today he has only spoken the bare minimum to me and once the DCs were in bed he just went upstairs.

I have a specialist appointment tomorrow which I have told him about, but he just ignored me.
I have no idea what to do. I need to talk to him about this because they are his babies to. I am so scared and I don't know how to get him to listen to me.
Any help?

GeekLove Wed 24-Apr-13 08:45:51

I'm sorry OP about this thread turning to crap. If you start a new thread that would be best. Hope you are in a better position now.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Wed 24-Apr-13 05:17:01

Ditto sad

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 23-Apr-13 23:58:53

sad
guess OP thought fuck that for a game of dominoes then.
cant say i blame her either.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 21-Apr-13 22:26:56

how are you doing OP? hope you feel able to come back - be strong.
i hope you are ok.

OceanBeach Sun 21-Apr-13 22:15:34

op hope yesterday went ok and you got some advice and options

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 20-Apr-13 19:54:49

Yes Miss.

What a school yard you lot need to grow up

Whorulestheroost Sat 20-Apr-13 16:40:17

This is why mn has a reputation if being rife with angry bitchy women.

BallerinaZeena Sat 20-Apr-13 13:52:25

Adoption isn't the only option OP. You can still have a termination if that's what you want. Your options are unlimited but not for long. Hope your specialist appointment went well today!

Well op will never come back now, what a lovely not so lovely bunch some of you are sad
Why is it so hard to believe this story to be true?

Anyway i hope you are ok op, I'm sure your dh will come round in the end. He has to, because at 16 weeks there isn't really any other option apart from adoption.
If he doesn't come round then it will be a case of going it alone, which with 6 dc is going to be more than tough on you. I wish you well op, and i do hope its just nerves and shock that has got into him.

YoniMeKateMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 20-Apr-13 13:41:29

Hi everyone,

We deleted a few posts last night that we felt were questioning the validity of the OP's story i.e troll hunting.

We also deleted posts that were replies to those deleted posts, for one because it appeared they were colluding with the troll hunting posts, and also so the thread would make sense.

As Mumsnet is a post moderated site, we rely on you guys to report stuff to us. It may be that we have missed some posted that should have been deleted. If that's the case, please do report those posts to us.

As other have said up thread, if you suspect that the OP isn't genuine, the best policy is to report it to us.

AuntieMaggie Sat 20-Apr-13 13:19:36

Seriously can those not posting useful advice/supportive messages for the OP just shut the fuck up? There is a woman here who may have a serious physical problem as well as dealing with her husbands reaction and she doesn't need this shit. For those doubters I have received phone calls, had scans and been called into hospital on a Saturday and Sunday to see a consultant on the NHS - it tends to depend on the hospital/consultant/seriousness of the situation.

ohdearhelp I hope your DH goes with you today and that the situation with your health isn't as bad as you think it is. Good luck.

AmberLeaf Sat 20-Apr-13 12:52:47

Yeah, not on really.

A righteous secondary pile in!

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sat 20-Apr-13 12:50:43

OP I had a rough pregnancy with my DTs. My DH has a son with significant disabilities, so when we discovered we were having twins his entire attitude to the pregnancy changed. He became cold and distant. Though he didn't go as far as to outwardly say he blamed me, it was bleeding obvious. Around 20 weeks I started to have complications and was advised on bed rest. I ended up breaking down in tears and demanding he grow up. I really lost it in a way I never had. He tried to object a few times but I just steamrolled him with how selfish he was, how scared I was, the stress of a hard pregnancy, certain family issues and him being so selfish as to not take care of me when I was carrying his children.

After that his attitude completely changed and he couldn't have been more tender, caring and loving. I think it was just the shock of my grief (yes, grief) of the situation that got through to him I really needed his support.

I'm not saying this is the right way to go, I just wanted to empathise, I know how hard it can be.

FuckThisShit Sat 20-Apr-13 12:48:39

Yes amber, that's exactly it. Perhaps that's why posters have turned on me, imagining in their righteous mind that I'd said something truly hideous.

So long as they're comfortable being spiteful and ignorant perhaps I should try to emulate them.

AmberLeaf Sat 20-Apr-13 12:38:31

FTS yes there are loads aren't there? bit off really as it gives the [wrong] impression that those deleted were really vile or something.

Hmm.

AnyFucker Sat 20-Apr-13 12:32:00

crosspost with BH smile

brew

is tea ok, everybody ?

AnyFucker Sat 20-Apr-13 12:30:54

God how I hate this is still going on this morning, seems like more purposeful derailing for the op.

Yes, it does, doesn't it ?

nenevomito Sat 20-Apr-13 12:29:44

If you want to stop what you see as derailment, why not write something helpful and supportive to the op instead of just kvetching about other posters and derailing it even more. i.e. take your own advice.

<sigh>

FuckThisShit Sat 20-Apr-13 12:26:10

I had wine, yes. I said I would share if we were closer and yes, I said come down. I did not use creepy wee brackets, I made a statement. I really have had the most soul destroying week, yes I was embarrassed for admitting the deletion had tipped me over, but I was not attempting to derail a thread.

FuckThisShit Sat 20-Apr-13 12:23:25

I find it very interesting that there are still several posts standing which most definitely suggest bollocks is being spouted. Perhaps all the really clever and pious ones could explain for me why this is?

OceanBeach Sat 20-Apr-13 12:22:40

FTS, I didn't like the whole tone of last night. Not just one poster, but all who derailed the thread, calling troll and derailing so op would never want to come back. i bet that even if this was a troll, someone in the country or world is going throught this and could read this thinking, shit it must be my fault if thats how other women react.

Was about to hide this thread and hope a new one turned up in pregnancy or relationship by the OP. but I had to reply to your comment of *I was not passing virtual wine about*

Some of your postings last night regarding passing the sodding wine.

But I have just opened a bottle of wine so harmony is restored.

Expat lovely lady, if I was 500 miles north, I would gladly share with you. Shall I drink yours as a favour?

I'll get MrsD over and we can all share!

In response to the previous post of "I want wine" Get yo ass down here then

Its in black and white. God how I hate this is still going on this morning, seems like more purposeful derailing for the op.

op good luck, if you read back through the whole thread, it was actually the majority who were hear to support you. Great thread for the DM to pick up on!

MissAnnersley Sat 20-Apr-13 12:21:21

If you don't believe an OP report it and then stay off the thread. Allow the other adults on this site to decide for themselves whether they want to invest the time in a thread.

Otherwise you run the risk of not only looking like a complete twat but being called on it too.

And no, that comment is not directed at any one poster.

FuckThisShit Sat 20-Apr-13 12:10:19

I think it's pretty fucking nasty to lay into me in particular given that I wasn't on this thread being nasty in the slightest.

I came back on to reply to one poster and explain why I was so upset. I did not come back on to be on the receiving end of posters' vitriol. I am not asking for sympathy, just merely explaining my reaction.

I was not passing virtual wine about, nor larking about and this morning's aggressiveness towards me is OTT and pretty bloody spiteful in itself. I'm struggling to understand how it's fine to be nasty to someone who really wasn't a poster hurling disbelief around when that's the very thing you're dong yourselves.

OceanBeach Sat 20-Apr-13 12:09:43

I had the problem that people kept calling troll and derailing with bastard, pass the wine, when MNHQ said the thread was staying and they didn't want to keep deleting people's posts blatantly calling troll.

This wasn't AIBU

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