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blowing hot and cold

(10 Posts)
Rubberleg Fri 19-Apr-13 14:09:05

Ok, I won't lie and say it was a bed of roses. We met via a mutual friend who seemed to think we would match. Initially I was wary of the distance- he lives over 2.5 hours away on a train. When we eventually met we got on but I didn't get over-excited, rather observed my feelings. A week or 2 later I passed on my details and we began a very long and friendly contact via email until our first date at a restaurant and then a hotel. It was really nice. I was a bit cautious and had a moment where I felt like I was in at the deep end. (as he was so keen).
When he left I received even more attention from him, saying he couldn't wait to see me again.....Fast forward two weeks and a conversation went something along the lines of 'Im not sure we are on the same page..'. he felt I wanted children because I mentioned it once or twice, his work is currently not permanent and he suddenly felt panic. he still wanted to meet for the weekend we had arranged but said we needed to be more cautious. The weekend together was very different from the previous date. he wasn't the affectionate self of the first date and at one point said he'd been thinking of moving away.
I felt upset and very disappointed. He felt the long distance thing didn't help because things like having children were brought to the fore way too soon. (he told me he'd like to have children initially, though I think I may have brought it up)
Our contact diminished and in the end I suggested curtailing a relationship. As I look back, most of my friends and family feel I have been far too involved and intense. This in't the first time a seemingly keen guy has backed off. It was like he just stopped being into me and any efforts seemed forced and empty. I feel awful and wonder if I will ever fall in love. I am mid thirties- no spring chicken. He was only slightly younger. My dating ettiquette is an area of concern as I seem to get totally carried away when I meet someone I really fancy. Friends say I just need to relax and have fun.

Any advice?

BrevilleTron Fri 19-Apr-13 22:00:31

Try and find a new activity which will enable you to socialise with a wider group of people.
This chap sounds like he may have thought your biological clock was ticking just because you mentioned in conversation.

Put it down to experience and enjoy being you!
It will happen one day

Hand to hold

BicBiro Fri 19-Apr-13 22:27:11

have you been single much?

Betrayedbutsurvived Fri 19-Apr-13 22:32:59

Seriously? Practically the first the date and youre talking babies! No wonder he ran for the hills. Form the relationship first.

Toasttoppers Fri 19-Apr-13 22:33:46

Regardless of if your biological clock is ticking or not you will have given that impression. SIL scared every man that dated her by mentioning this after first couple of dates with all of them. It is just too soon, even if it is not something you want with them specifically and is an off the cuff remark.

I am a woman but would have really not liked a date saying they wanted dc after only a couple of dates.

WallyBantersYoniBox Fri 19-Apr-13 22:35:50

Put it down to experience and listen to your friends about enjoying the actual dating activity more and keeping it light in the early days.

2.5 hours journey and a hotel all sounds a bit full on tbh for a fledgling relationship. And if I'm honest a first date where a man brought up having kids would have completely put me off and made me feel harassed.

Unless he was being upfront in telling me he couldn't be sexually active, or had had an intimate accident with a chainsaw, for example.

If all your friends are telling you that you need to calm down, then either you are desperate, or you are coming across as desperate.

It's OK to be single. Don't be in a mad flapping squawking slobbering rush to attach yourself to any man who can't run away fast enough. If you are desperate, you will put off all the nice ones and be a magnet for arseholes.

Rubberleg Fri 19-Apr-13 23:30:11

on and off for 5 years since being in a very serious relationship. I'm used to being single honest!

Rubberleg Fri 19-Apr-13 23:32:29

Thank you all for the confirmation that a) never mention dc b) stay light!

Rubberleg Fri 19-Apr-13 23:33:13

Lol

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