DH and I were engaged and married young and quickly - whirlwind relationship, my first serious one (though I'd had too many enough sexual relationships), I stopped doing recreational drugs when we met, pulled my socks up, and grew up and in many ways sorted myself out thanks to him. He in turn, by his own admission, came out of his shell, gained more confidence in himself and in his work and is going on to have a good career that he enjoys and works hard in, and though he can be antisocial, when he's on form is really on form.
Fast forward 8 years, one wedding, 2DC later....and, well, I don't know.
I used to be so in love with him, I used to want to have sex with him all the time. And this feeling didn't fade over months - I definately still felt this way until around about the time DC2 was born (18months ago). For the usual reasons my libido took a dip, but even though I've stopped BF it hasn't returned. I have no interest in sex at all, so I don't think it's as simple as me not fancying HIM enough.
We get alone fine, we still talk and make each other laugh when we have the time around the long hours he works. But I know I love (for example) certain friends more, I think if I had to choose between him and my brother (hypothetical situation of life and death) I'd choose my brother etc. Yes he does things that annoy me and there are certain personality traits that have appeared in the last year or so that I really don't like but we're slowly finding ways of talking about this kind of stuff and I don't think (I might be wrong) this has had the massive effect that, well, I'm not really in love wiht him anymore.
BUT we have two small children, are generally and usually happy (especially when we make the effort to hang out wiht each other)...if he is to believed, he is head over heels in love with me still, can't imagine a life without me etc. His antisocialness and shyness mean he doesn't really have any close friends from years ago of his own, all of our friends are really my friends who hang out with us as a couple too. If we were to split up I can't bear to think how he'd react and what his life would be like, for at least the short term. So I do care about him, I do like him. Is this just what happens? I know some people wonder why I married him - he's not as charasmatic as some past flings boyfriends and in many ways is very different to me.
I don't know - just wanted to hear from people who weren't at either extreme in their relationship where they are either head over heels or in a horrible hateful situation. I don't like the thought of just rubbing along for the rest of my life but likewise can't see any real reason to not be with him.
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Relationships
is it ok to just settle?
7 replies
snowcherries · 18/04/2013 00:05
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