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What does your DP do that drives you crackers (lighthearted)?

(177 Posts)
Lottapianos Wed 17-Apr-13 13:37:46

When I was moving in with my DP 5 years ago, I asked an older colleague for advice about long-term relationships. She said that she had been married for 15 years, and sometimes she and her H were just so in love and life was a bed of roses. Then there were times when she could have murdered him for the stupid stuff he did, and it was even worse because the stuff that bugged her had been bugging her for 15 years!

That's the way it goes with me and DP too. Sometimes I absolutely adore him, sometimes I could scream kill him . Things that are currently irritating the living shit out of me:

- absolutely non-stop bloody singing and whistling
- leaving his hoodies and tracky pants draped over the chairs in the living room for days on end
- sneezing that sounds more like screaming and makes me jump out of my skin
- not turning the TV/radio/computer down when I get in from work so that I have to scream my response at him when he asks 'how was your day?'
- watching every single bastard program that's got anything to do with railways or construction or technology
- on days when it's his turn to cook, asking me what I want for dinner and then whingeing that anything I suggest is too complicated/expensive/boring/something else negative. WELL YOU BLOODY DECIDE WHAT TO COOK THEN! <breathes>

He's really lovely and very sweet but at times my nerves take a shredding!
Come and share your gripes smile

I love my DH dearly, but:
- he NEVER puts his clean clothes away
- he gets cross if I try to put his clean clothes away
- he stores his dirty clothes in the same pile as his clean clothes, ie a massive pile on top of his chest of drawers
- he gets cross when I helpfully suggest that said pile may fall off the chest of drawers at random time of day/night, & possibly wake him up
- he calls me unreasonable at laughing at him for the potential clothes avalanche

- he only trims his (admittedly surprisingly soft) beard about twice a year
- he gets in a huff when if I mention the presence of crumbs or latte foam in his beard or moustache
- he refuses to remove the crumbs, on the basis that he is 'saving them for later'
- he becomes offended at my comparison of the above with Mr Twit (by Roald Dahl)
- he finally trims monstrously long facial foliage & gets in a huff when I don't immediately notice it
- he gets in a huff when I notice facial gardening & congratulate him on improved (neater) appearance
- he leaves enough beard trimmings on/in/around bathroom sink to make a fairly decent wig.
- when I comment on the denudation of the sink (by me & a fair few squirts of bathroom cleaner) he offers to never cut it again, & fashion some kind of elaborate facial edifice like you could see on a certain YouTube clip...

- he has massive feet (size 13) & therefore massive effing shoes, which he helpfully leaves all over the house.
- he laughs at me when I trip over his shoes. I'm not joking, they weigh about a stone each... No wonder he has thighs like a rugby player

- he sleeps like a car engine, by which I mean he tends to overheat, he turns over in his sleep a lot (& steals the duvet & bottom sheet in the process), he makes loud noises & weird smells

- he thinks he can fix everything with a smile. Problem is, he's so cute it usually works, very unhelpful...

MacaYoniAndCheese Fri 19-Apr-13 00:42:06

Ooh...where to start?

-tries to brush his teeth at the same time as me.
-gets into bed before me.
-puts in laundry and the weekend and then leaves it for 'someone else' to finish,
-offers to 'clean up' the kitchen but forgets to wipe down the counters and clean the catcher in the sink.
-Offers to 'put the kids to bed' so I can 'Relax' and then lets them stay up until 10 pm playing inappropriate zombie games on the Sonybox thingy and watching trash on YouTube.
-asks me to google something stupid 'urgent' when I am having a glass of wine and using the computer for MN something important.
-wears Birkenstocks in the house with socks shock. He's 38...not 88.

To be fair, he does have many redeeming qualities. If this was a list of 'Things You Quite Like About Your DH' the list would be slightly longer.

dubdurbs Fri 19-Apr-13 00:49:15

Oh God, where do I start??

-plays Xbox for hours on end, which doesn't bother me too much. Apart from the swearing at the screen. Full volume and expects me to give him a helpful far and sympathy for whatever it is that's just happened in Just Caus/FIFA/Battlefield...

-spends forever on Facebook, but denies it and thinks that I'm constantly on it. Is totally shocked when I point out that its the opposite!

-Cannot put dirty dishes in once spot. They MUST be spread out all over the kitchen.

-Can't make dinner without making a huge mess. Sauce will always be splattered on walls or ceiling, and all pots and spoons left on the countertops.

-Refuses to wash cutlery when he actually does the washing up. I don't know why, they don't take any longer than plates!

-If I'm out of the house for more than an hour I will inevitably cmeome to every cup and each and every qg

dubdurbs Fri 19-Apr-13 01:13:30

Oops! Pressed post too early!

When I eventually get home he'll have used every cup, spoon, knife, and plate and levels them for me to wash

-Cannot take a shot without using the entire toilet roll. Also can't crap without blocking the toilet completely!

-Tissues. Everywhere.

-Jumps into bed like he's doing a bloody long jump!

-Pulls all the duvet over to his side,and tells me to take it back if I'm cold, but its already locked underneath him at that stage

-Can't sleep without watching something. Unfortunately, he chooses loud action movies, with lots of explosions and screaming. HE falls asleep after 10 minutes, while I am wide awake at that stage and take forever to start to drift off again

-Just when I start to go asleep, he'll get horny and start stroking me, or tickling. Which I don't mind but it means I'm back to wide awake after!

-Can't fine the clothes basket. Also can't empty his pockets so random bits of 'important' paper and snot rags end up getting washed too

-Steals my nail clippers. Not such a big deal, one would think, apart from the fact that I've bought and he's lost 6 of the damn things, and he also has a horrible gammy toe fungal infection that I don't want to catch.

-Will ask me at least three times to repeat what I've told him, then again, ask me about it like its complete news to him!

-Will tell me things, them forget all about it. When I bring it up in conversation ('remember when you told me...') he's totally shocked and wants to know who's told me that!

-Eats everything in sight. We just spent a few days in my parents and he demolished ALL the biscuits. My poor old Dad loves a biscuit after his dinner, and treats himself to a Kit Kat, but DP had eaten an entire unopened packet by himself!

-Waits until I'm nearly asleep to ask me to inspect his back for some invisible spot or mark. Its a cunning slow to get his back scratched without having to ask.

-Waits until the very last minute to ask me to cut his hair. His sisters wedding springs to mind. 10 minutes before I had to go and collect his elderly aunt and uncle, and he's a fussy fucker about his hair, so it would take at least twice that to do it properly

-Will ask me to come to the shops with him for the spin-then when we get there, will ask me to go in because he hasn't got any gel in his hair. I'll say no, because I look a state, splattered from making dinner, or wearing slippers, but I'm fine apparently. He can't go in because his cm long hair isn't styled!

Sigh. I love him really.

Ooh yes dubdurbs, the dishes. The levelling of things is not limited to the dishes, however. He likes to leave pieces of paper on the floor when I've gone up to bed. I get up early, leaving him doing his car impressions, I go downstairs without my glasses & promptly slip on his magazines/lists/a polling card he has thoughtfully placed for my attention in the middle of the floor.
The duvet theft is not consistent, I must admit, he does sometimes give it back. When I was pregnant I woke a few times to find he had a) stolen the entire duvet, which I retrieved & laid neatly back over up both. b) decided he didn't want the duvet, so instead of kicking it off, he neatly folded it over. Onto me. I then had 2 layers of duvet, his giant boiling warmth at my back, & his massive arm & leg cuddled round me, clamping the duvet layers onto me. I thought I was on fire...

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 19-Apr-13 02:28:05

Asks me the time when my hands are full of laundry etc so I clearly can't see my watch.

blueshoes Fri 19-Apr-13 08:14:37

Hovers when I am cooking in the kitchen. I know he is hungry but he is getting in my way!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 19-Apr-13 09:12:57

Ah, blueshoes, he's a hoveryfucker!

hubbyconf Fri 19-Apr-13 14:40:29

OK, I know I am a bloke and all that but I really, really have to post on this message as it would appear that my DW is actually a man in a womans body! Let me explain. She:

- Constantly lets out massive, shrieking sneezes that frighten the children
- Cant help herself but put her dirty dishes, cutlery in the sink and just leave them there. Meaning that when I do the washing up I have to empty the sink of dirty dishes just to fill it back up again with dirty dishes.
- Leaves all her clothes where she took them off.
- Leaves clothes by the laundry basket
- Never empties the washing basket, just takes the bits she wants off the top
- Flatly, adamantly refuses to enter into any kind of laundry system
- Never takes the used loo roll off the holder just puts the new one on the back of the toilet and uses it from there
- Never thinks to put spare loo roll out when its getting low, causing me to have many awkward moments when I realise i need more!!
- She often bounces into the living room to announce with great enthusiasm that she has done a really smelly poo and do I want to come and smell it. (I decline on the grounds of nausea)
- She never wears a PAIR of socks always odd ones and thinks I am weird and mega anal because I dont do the same.
- She will only wear 15 year old black cotton knickers whatever the occasion.
- Thinks that the toilets only need cleaning when the LOOK dirty.

I could go on and on but I feel frustrated just by thinking about it! Its just like living with a student except for the fact that she is nearly 40!!!

Absolutelylost Fri 19-Apr-13 16:16:50

Waits until I'm nearly asleep to ask me to inspect his back for some invisible spot or mark. Its a cunning ploy to get his back scratched without having to ask.. This!!

Plus, his idea of cleaning the kitchen is to load the dishwasher. That's it. He rinses his mouth after brushing his teeth by sucking water straight from the cold tap and tries to blame the resulting crusted calcium ridge on 'hard water'. Loud shrieking sneezes. Laughs at my quiet ones. Won't put clothes all over the place. Tries to blame the mess in the house solely on the kids when he's just as bad. Though to be honest, he's apparently not as annoying as I thought, compared to some!

FasterStronger Fri 19-Apr-13 16:34:14

leaves draws open, even chops veg over an open kitchen draw so peelings drop inside

puts something clean down on a dirty part of the kitchen worktop before moving it somewhere clean again thus spreading mess ....

that's about it grin

kayde12 Fri 19-Apr-13 16:50:29

Love this thread! So many of the posts remind me of my lovely DH!
Things that wind me up daily:
Whenever he showers the bathroom floor and bath mats are soaked with water
Puts rolled up socks in the wash basket
Leaves doors open
Rips open packaging and destroys the box! Arrrgggghh
Has a memory of a gold fish (though this is improving)
Puts his wet towel on the bed
Goes to sleep with pj pants every night and after 10 mins claims he is so hot so sleeps naked every night. This is fine but when I make the bed every morning I have to fish out his PJ pants at the bottom of the bed. Does my head in!!
Uses my hair pins to pick his ears ( GROSSS)
Nevertheless, I love him sooo much, hes my soul mate

blueshoes Fri 19-Apr-13 20:44:38

hubbyconf, I am afraid those collection of traits make your wife a slob! Sympathies. Did you live with her before you got married?

Haha - I was sniggering this morning at some of the posts on here, DH asked why so I showed him my post. He was offended, obviously. I went downstairs & slipped on the damned polling card again. Told him & he acted all innocent & gave me the cute face. He has trimmed his moustache. grin

Does anyone else have a DP who manages to pull off t-shirts & somehow roll up the hem really tightly? DH claims he doesn't know how it happens. I just know it makes the laundry even less fun as I have to unroll all his tops. Obviously he thinks I am bored & he is setting me am extra challenge to make it more exciting.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=081dHOYY6IE

This is the beard he threatens to grow. I can only assume this is a fake, however DH has apparently adopted this as his goal in life. Sigh.

Ouchmyhead Sat 20-Apr-13 00:19:40

These are so funny; I must admit though that reading them I realise that I do a lot of these things and they drive DP mad - for example; never closing doors and cupboards, leaving clothes on the bathroom floor and never washing clothes! It's a running joke that in our relationship I am like the boy, my mums house cleaning and tidy gene skipped me right on by!

As for his annoying habits; he picks and bites his nails and it makes SUCH an annoying sound, if we are tidying up he'll disappear for hours and hours and ill find him scrubbing the inside of cupboards and behind wardrobes - what's wrong with a dust, a Hoover and making the bed! Also, the car programmes/DIY home programmes/anything technical or gadgety - they drive me mad, they are ALWAYS on! Mind he does hate all sports bar snowboarding, mountain biking and F1 so I don't have to put up with endless football/golf/rugby programmes!

starsandunicorns Sat 20-Apr-13 00:20:49

Mine eats pasties sandwichs pot noddle sandwichs

plays on war commader a facebook game for ages which means i have to wait for cuddles in bed while he moves his tanks troops about on 3 accounts before bed and i have mn on my phone most of the time

Tells me hes going for a poo or when he comes back tells he did a poo

Has the longest baths known to mankind longest is 90 mins yes i counted

Wears his trainers without tieing up his shoelaces

Smokes the last ciggy in the box so i have to go to kitchen/shop to get more

But hes lovely though and i luvs him

abbyfromoz Sat 20-Apr-13 00:49:05

Have just seen this thread... Where do i begin?!
Snoring (as we speak)
Dirty clothes ON TOP of basket never in
Oven to highest gage for cooking everything..ever
Base and volume to maximum when on computer
Trousers dragging on floor because he likes buying extra long saggy ones and refuses to have then taken up.
Owns ugg boots... Wears them in public (i once had to dissuade him from wearing them when meeting a new client)
Never undoes shoelaces- just slips them on and therefore ripping and destroying every pair of shoes
Never wipes DD's nose or face when I am not around- i usually return to a grubby, stained clothed, shoeless toddler- and an ugg boot clad DH.
Oh there's more but i had better stop
<grinds teeth>
Ahhh but i love him....

Chesntoots Sat 20-Apr-13 09:35:12

My ex's did practically all of the above. One of them did this thing where if we were sat watching telly and I spoke it would make him jump like he had been electrocuted. Drove me insane...
Now its just me and my cats - perfect!

Thingiebob Sat 20-Apr-13 09:46:15

, he thinks he should be able to get up half an hour before we catch the train, as that's how long it takes for him to shower and have breakfast-the fact that I also need a shower, breakfast, baby DS needs milk and breakfast and dressing, we have to pack a change bag for DS, fill the car with petrol to get to the train station etc is all left to me (in fairness, he has got much better at this since I went a bit bonkers about it a while back).

This is my DH as well!

Mother2many Tue 23-Apr-13 18:29:43

:sneezing/coughing so loud you think he crapped himself
:when spoon goes to mouth, tongue hangs out...(guess to catch anything?)
:drives so close to center line, I'm sure we are going to hit someone
:needs to be asked many times to do something...or when I yell
:whispers when talks so I can't hear him
:when fixing, working on anything, he sticks the tip of his tongue out!
:revaccums when i do
:gives horrible directions
:clueless

cinnamonsugar Tue 23-Apr-13 18:49:53

There are 'eccentricities' and 'irritating habits' and 'quirks that drive someone else batty'. Then there are 'seriously inconsiderate selfish behaviours that prove someone isn't grown up enough to be a housemate' - why do so many of you put up with the latter by people you live with and think it's lighthearted?

However, my mind is more confused and bewildered by the whole wiping while standing enlightenment thing! smile

bringonyourwreckingball Tue 23-Apr-13 18:59:59

He does the thing with leaving drawers open
He does the thing with the excessively dramatic sneezing
He cannot find anything ever in the house even the things he put away but seems to think I should be able to
He demands affection when I am clearly in the middle of unloading the dishwasher/unloading the washing machine/serving up dinner usually all at the same time
He sometimes gets in the bed first when I have changed the sheets and done the washing and it is MY CLEAN BED NOT HIS (this is slightly unreasonable of me, I do accept that)

grimbletart Tue 23-Apr-13 22:02:37

Says "who's that?" when the phone rings.

How the hell do I know, I'm not a bloody mind reader. Try answering it.

InkySkink Tue 23-Apr-13 22:33:49

My DH
-Leaves wet towels on the bed...

More specifically
-Leaves wet towels on my side of the bed.

-On one memorable occasion made the bed with the wet towels in my side of the bed.

Although to be fair i was so mad at the last one (whilst laughing out of sheer amazement) that he appears to gave learned now.

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