Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What do i do?

(194 Posts)
pedrohedges Tue 16-Apr-13 22:39:51

Hi all!

Oh took it upon himself to walk out of his job a year ago, for no particular reason other than he just didn't want to do it anymore.
It was good money, good hours and practically on our doorstep.

Luckily i had a little part time job and my boss increased my hours for me when another member of staff left. We also have 3 children so my wage and our tax credits are keeping us afloat...just. He still expects rump steak for his tea though ffs!

My problem is that he's turned lazy. He still thinks that i should take the kids to school, clean, wash his clothes etc.. Well i've had about as much as i can take from him.

I'm being bullied awfully at work at the moment and my home life is just as bad. I just don't know what the heck to do.

The straw that broke the camels back happened today.
I sorted the kids out, got them sent to school, went to work. I gave him a call around 11am to ask if he could put some washing on the line for me. He couldn't because he was playing golf!!! fucking golf!!!
I came home on my dinner and had to make him a sandwich, while he just laid there on my laptop watching the sky tv that i work damn hard for. It's really starting to grate.

He does no housework at all, he calls me in work telling me to do things for him and that drives my boss mental.

Tonight i asked him if i could watch my program on tv and he stomped off to bed in a mood. Arghhhh i don't know what the hell to do!!??

LemonPeculiarJones Tue 16-Apr-13 23:12:02

He's useless. Fucking useless. Selfish, rude, demanding, unloving.

And yes he sounds stupid, too - no reasoning person would behave like this.

Just get rid of him. He's contributing nothing. Kick him out.mor you're a fool.

BadSpellersUntie Tue 16-Apr-13 23:12:10

Are you completely insane woman?

LemonPeculiarJones Tue 16-Apr-13 23:12:40

*or

Casmama Tue 16-Apr-13 23:13:49

Has he said he is depressed and if so has he seen a doctor?
You have to make it very clear to him that this can't continue- where does he get the money for golf fgs.
If he is not depressed then he needs to know that he is nothing but a drain on your finances and unless he starts pulling his weight and properly looking for a job then he can fuck off.

Ogooglebar Tue 16-Apr-13 23:15:18

Wow, OP, I think he needs to get some kind of help, but you don't have to put up with living your life like this either.

wonderingagain Tue 16-Apr-13 23:15:28

My dp was made redundant two years ago. He does everything he possibly can to find work and even though he has lots of hobbies and can keep himself busy, he would NEVER put himself before his need to provide for his children.

There's something very wrong if he wants to put himself first.

Casmama Tue 16-Apr-13 23:15:28

Has he put on 6 stone in a year!!

Cherriesarelovely Tue 16-Apr-13 23:15:42

No wonder he has a sense of inertia! 6 stone? Seriously?? Sorry, not being rude but that is alot. Maybe he ought to visit the Dr.

Send him back to mummy.
You'll do just fine without him.
And stop pandering.

pedrohedges Tue 16-Apr-13 23:17:44

I can't do it on my own, i'd fail. I know i would.
I'm not educated, i have no confidence in myself.

Casmama Tue 16-Apr-13 23:18:02

I agree with those saying he should see a doctor. Part of that may need to be you putting your foot down and telling him that things can't continue the way they are.
How does he react when you tell him how unhappy you are?

pedrohedges Tue 16-Apr-13 23:18:52

Yes 6 stone. He's not himself at all. I have tried to get him to the doctor, begged and pleaded with him but he won't.

wonderingagain Tue 16-Apr-13 23:19:13

Pedro if you do leave him wait until you are SAHM again otherwise he will have residence - that's why I suggested you give up your job.

It is possible that he's depressed but that would be all the more reason to make sure you have main carer status. Be careful.

Casmama Tue 16-Apr-13 23:19:21

What do you mean fail? It sounds like you are doing it on your own,he just lives there too and spends your money!

pedrohedges Tue 16-Apr-13 23:20:16

Casmama he tells me to sod off and stop nagging.
He's constantly eating food that needs to last the week, he sleeps all the time too.

Ogooglebar Tue 16-Apr-13 23:20:19

But OP you are doing it all now - you are supporting your family and caring for your children (and your currently useless DH). You CAN do it, who cares how educated you are. He needs to get off his arse and get help or sort himself out because he's treating you like crap.

serin Tue 16-Apr-13 23:21:08

I think he sounds ill.

If he has got depression telling him to shift his arse or pull himself together is not going to help.

He needs to see a doctor as soon as.

pedrohedges Tue 16-Apr-13 23:21:34

Wonder seriousy! I never even thought about that confused I couldn't risk loosing my kids.

You think you'd fail but actually you're doing far, far more than he is now.

What do you thiunk he contributes to your family life that you couldn't manage yourself?

ImperialBlether England Tue 16-Apr-13 23:22:37

But you are doing it on your own! Not only that, you're doing his work, too!

Have you any idea how lovely it is to be on your own, without that dead weight pulling you down?

His mother says he's depressed? What about you? It's a wonder you're not hurling yourself off a cliff, having to live with him! She should be apologising for him and giving him a bloody good talking to, not telling you to just put up with it.

BriansBrain Tue 16-Apr-13 23:22:46

Is he depressed?

he does need to be making his own sandwiches though

wonderingagain Tue 16-Apr-13 23:23:31

Sorry if I was a bit blunt about it. It's clear you haven't thought about it as you love and trust(ed) him. It doesn't look good from here.

I'd get advice on the residence of the kids, I'm not sure giving up work is necessarily the best idea. Working mothers get residence too.

wonderingagain Tue 16-Apr-13 23:25:22

Even if the father stays at home?

And it sounds like you'd possibly manage your workplace issues better without having him to drag you down.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now