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AIBU re two hours off?

(165 Posts)
Happydotcom Fri 12-Apr-13 12:28:35

I had a terrible time with PND since ds was born. He's now nearly two and I'd arranged some counselling sessions via GP.

DH came home to look after ds so I could go . I said I'd be gone 1800-2000 with traveling time. Ds had been fine all day and turned phone on silent when I arrived at session.

After my hr was up, I checked my phone.....10 missed calls and horrible texts from DH " if you can be bothered to answer..your son our son is being sick. You need to get home now.

I called as soon as I could and he went nuclear saying I need to get back o start cleaning up!

Arrived home, ds was fine. Vomit everywhere, pile of washing dumped on landing ' for me to do'

AIBU to have gone.....? Ds was honestly fine before and after I got home. He made me feel so guilty for going. It wasn't like I was clubbing!

Your husband is a twat.

You should definitely tell your counsellor next week what happened -- it's important. I also have a feeling his behaviour contributes a lot to your PND.

Yes gastro is disgusting, dealing with it on your own is no fun, but there's no way I would interrupt a counselling session over it! What the hell kind of doctor is he?

Sugarice Fri 12-Apr-13 12:55:05

Did he have twat tendencies before your ds was born?

OxfordBags Fri 12-Apr-13 12:56:00

Everything Finola said. The way he behaved was totally unacceptable and pathetic, but the fact that he is a Dr makes it miles worse. If anyone should be able to deal with some vomit and poo and understand the need for phones to be off during a counselling session, it's a bloody Doctor!

Your depression could well be based in part (or even its entirety) due to his shitty attitude. Does he see all the housework and all the childcare as 'your' work? If he has suddenly turned this way, or get worse than he was about housework, etc., that coupled with the massive life change of having a child, must have really destabilised you, made you doubt yourself, feel invisible, worthless, question your own status and abilities, etc.

A grown adult who can't put a bit of washing on and deal with their own sick child is not fit to be a partner or parent, IMHO. Before anyone says that he's 'only a man', a woman would just not behave this way. Apart from how fucking cheeky it is to keep calling you during your session, it says really negative things about his parenting; he should want to look after and care for his own child, especially when the baby is ill and he is a bloody Doctor!

I think your PND is not just about hormones and the shock of a new lifestyle. Your Dh sounds really selfish and unsupportive. Defo sounds like he seized this as a way to sabotage you. You should being this up with your counsellor at the next session. So sorry you have to put up with this.

Happydotcom Fri 12-Apr-13 12:56:30

DH still thinks he's in the right. It was him who was v pro counselling in the first place.

I wish we had a tumble dryer so I could put DH in it I get any bedding dry in this wet weather.

OxfordBags Fri 12-Apr-13 12:57:10

PS It's very depressing that he will deal with sick people all day for pay, but doesn't want to deal with his own sick baby sad

Happydotcom Fri 12-Apr-13 12:58:28

Oxford.....I agree with everything you posted and ill bring this up next week.

Whoknowswhocares Fri 12-Apr-13 13:01:15

Even if you were about clubbing, it wouldn't mean you don't qualify for some time to yourself!
Your son has 2 parents, both of whom should be fully capable of loading the bloody washing machine and comforting a poorly child. Particularly the one who is a trained medical practitioner.
Your oh is an arse. A selfish, pig of a man who should know better and that it is imperative that you attend counselling for your own well being.
I'd wager that it is not PND so much as depression brought on by living with a git who treats you like crap, if this is indicative of your relationship overall

OxfordBags Fri 12-Apr-13 13:02:16

You keep up that counselling and stay strong in the face of his twatittude. Being pro counselling in theory but then supporting you when it's actually happening are two separate things. The first is him feeling good and magnanimous about himself for helping you and you taking his excellent advice, etc., etc., and the second is about him not wanting to actually put himself out and literally support you in getting that help, not wanting to do childcare and housework which is clearly beneath him. The two both point to a self-centred man.

AllDirections Fri 12-Apr-13 13:02:32

YANBU He just didn't want to clean up the vomit, cos I'll bet he thinks that's your job hmm

brdgrl Fri 12-Apr-13 13:03:02

That's really, really awful.
No wonder you are struggling, PND or no PND, it sounds like there is a pretty unfair division of parenting responsibility going on.
I hope you aren't shouldering too much of the responsibility for your own difficulties - I think anyone would be struggling to deal with that kind of shitty attitude from the other parent. sad

OxfordBags Fri 12-Apr-13 13:03:29

BTW, I used to be in a relationship with an emotionally abusive partner, and I (apparently) suffered from quite severe depression. Funnily enough, once I left him, it disappeared like magic hmm

brdgrl Fri 12-Apr-13 13:03:51

...and yeah, what whoknowswhocares said.

yaimee Fri 12-Apr-13 13:04:52

Agree with oxford
He needs to be pro counselling in practice as well as theory.

5madthings Fri 12-Apr-13 13:06:28

Yanbu he is a massive arse!

What would he say if you sent those same messages to him every time your son has been Ill whilst he was out?!!

Sugarice Fri 12-Apr-13 13:06:51

Was he twattish before ds was born?

quoteunquote Fri 12-Apr-13 13:07:35

No one is ever going to feel happy living with someone who behaves towards them in such a vile way,

I suggest your husband gets some counselling to work out if he is capable of being loving, kind and part of a supportive partnership.

Is there a special reason why he is inadequate at parenting and normal household chores, or is a choice,

Either way, unless he conquerers these failings, you are going to find it hard to feel differently.

Happydotcom Fri 12-Apr-13 13:08:59

Yes, he expects a night hood if he loads the dishwasher after being asked

His attitude towards me sometimes is disgusting. I think his behaviour is contributing to my feeling low.

Sugarice Fri 12-Apr-13 13:10:16

Do you work OP and have your own income at all?

YoniDaChillOut Fri 12-Apr-13 13:14:01

what afucking asshole! but you knew he was liek this right?

sleeton Fri 12-Apr-13 13:16:30

It is crystal clear why you need counselling. Maybe couple counselling too ... he has to make some changes.
Hope you don't mind me being curious Happydotcom what sort of doctor is he?

p.s. Why not order a tumbledryer today? He could hardly object, he's seen the amount of laundry a toddler can create.

Shenanagins Fri 12-Apr-13 13:17:37

I would have gone nuclear at him not being able to deal with a sick child and get the clothes in the washing machine as after all he is the parent as well.

i would also have been furious at the texts given that it wasn't an emergency.

5madthings Fri 12-Apr-13 13:20:05

I don't think couples counselling is recommended when a man is being emotionally abusive.

I think you have bigger problems op if this is symptomatic of the way he treats you in general sad

TumbleWeeds Fri 12-Apr-13 13:26:41

I am not sure what else to say.

You KNOW that he is completely unreasonable.

Please keep up with counselling!

Smellslikecatspee Fri 12-Apr-13 13:27:10

total and utter arse

No One would blame/be in the least bit surprised at anyone being depressed in this situation

angeltattoo Fri 12-Apr-13 13:28:57

What they all said. ^

also, did you then clean up/put the washing on? If so, why? You should have refused, if he can practice medicine he can working a washing machine, any excuse is exactly that and quite frankly, disguisting behaviour to boot. What this says about his thoughts and feelings towards you and his child is scary.

There are serious issues here, make sure you continue with counselling preempt all his sabotagging efforts and please, please do something to help yourself out of this horrible situation.

flowers

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