Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

should it be the guy who does the chasing?

(20 Posts)
BadLad Sat 13-Apr-13 12:31:00

There is a bit of misinformation sometimes spouted on mumsnet that men hate to be chased.

It's complete bull. Either person can do the chasing. If you want something and it's getting away from you, then take the bull by the horns and chase it yourself.

In my single days I was delighted on the occasions when a girl I liked asked me for a date rather than the other way round.

HeartShapedSaw Fri 12-Apr-13 14:19:56

Yeah I'm not in work today so couldn't tell him where I was going anyway.

I was aware it would look a bit keen if I turned up where he was. My friend is convinced I should Di it though! Maybe ill show him this thread...

YoniDaChillOut Fri 12-Apr-13 12:48:54

i just wouldn't bother on a pre planned night out with friends. OP will either spend all night keeping her eye on the door for him arriving and her friends will get pissed off or she will spend the night hauling her friends from one bar to the next looking for him and her friends will get pissed off (and i think it's a bit pathetic if i'm really honest). i think if you're out with friends then be out with your friends without ulterior motives. just go out and catch up with friends and forget about him til monday morning. tbh, after 4 days of flirting if you did go looking for him on a night out with friends i'd think you were the sort to get extremely wrapped up in him very quickly to the detriment of your friendships. if you're a teen that's understandable. i'm guessing you're not though so treat your friends right and if it's meant to be with this guy then monday isn't that far away to find out if he really likes you. there are lots more weekends you know. smile

Lueji Fri 12-Apr-13 12:40:40

But if the OP tells him now that she IS going to bar X, then it's on his court.

Trills Fri 12-Apr-13 12:29:30

Lueji - I can see a slight problem here

Him: I'll be in bar X
Her: I'll be in bar Y
Both: I'll stay here and let the other person come to me
Both: Why hasn't he/she come to the bar that I am in?

Lueji Fri 12-Apr-13 12:20:25

One way of assessing his interest would be to tell him which bar(s) you are going to and see if he shows up at any.

But, yes, work colleagues are a potential nightmare.

HeartShapedSaw Fri 12-Apr-13 11:59:48

Thanks for your replies, pretty much backed up what I was thinking. My male friend's opinion just threw me.

dolallymum Fri 12-Apr-13 11:27:17

I personally wouldn't chase him so soon. If the flirting carries on though, and the topic of nights out comes up just say that "I tend to go to ........ You should come along one time".
I think if you have told him already that you don't go to the same places he goes and then turn up it will look very much like your chasing him.

YoniDaChillOut Fri 12-Apr-13 11:23:07

everything sowornout said.

YoniDaChillOut Fri 12-Apr-13 11:21:47

also, when i go out with friends, we know what bars we will be going to, but not which order or what times we will be there so if i was hinting at someone to meet me i wouldn't do it that way as it would be impossible for them to know where i would be at a particular time unless they had my number and called to check. but even then i wouldn't dump my friends to go off and meet him. i'd still rather make a separate arrangement to meet him.

Trills Fri 12-Apr-13 11:20:29

The gender of the person "chasing" is entirely irrelevant.

deleted203 Fri 12-Apr-13 11:20:01

I'm old, so feel free to ignore my opinion grin.

Firstly, I'd be wary of the fact that he's a work colleague - work and dating was a no-no in my book as there is the potential for it all to go horribly wrong.

Secondly, I couldn't be arsed with someone who was flirty and hinting about where he would be. It is too teenage and immature. And leaves you in the position of turning up looking all keen and as though you are chasing him.

I'd either expect him to ask me out on a proper date or, if I was really keen on him, I would perhaps say casually to him at work, 'Do you fancy meeting up for a drink one night?'.

I wouldn't be turning up at a bar he'd said he was going to and hanging about hoping he'd come and chat me up properly. Particularly if you've already said you didn't drink in those places.

YoniDaChillOut Fri 12-Apr-13 11:19:14

just suggest a drink after work some evening. it doesn't have to be a big pressure thing, buying an outfit etc. just a drink after work and then you either enjoy it so much it turns into lots of drinks and shared taxi home or you call it a day at 8pm and go home for eastenders. grin

HeartShapedSaw Fri 12-Apr-13 11:18:17

I didn't tell him where I would be no..

My friends would go to any bar I suggested so wouldn't be ditching them as such.

But yeah my instinct is not to Chase him.

HeartShapedSaw Fri 12-Apr-13 11:15:55

Ooh I think I'm too scared to ask him out! But out of the two of us he is the shyest which is what makes me think he was hinting..

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 12-Apr-13 11:15:20

If he was really interested in seeing you tomorrow night, he'd ask you which bars you'd be going to.

Don't trot around following his itinery! Carry on flirting at work but have your own night out tomorrow as planned.

If he wants to see you outside work he'll have to make more of an effort than just telling you where he'll be!

ImperialBlether Fri 12-Apr-13 11:15:02

No, don't ask him out!

Did you tell him which bars you'd be in? If you did, then let him come to find you!

YoniDaChillOut Fri 12-Apr-13 11:14:49

"should it be the guy who does the chasing?"

depends what century you live in.

for adults in modern times it's perfectly acceptable to ask someone out for a drink without playing any guessing or chasing games.

go for your night out with friends as planned and give them the respect they deserve instead of dumping them to chase a man you've been flirting with for 4 days.

if you want to see this guy then ask him out on a date on a separate night that is clear it is a date and no chasing or game playing.

AuntieStella Fri 12-Apr-13 11:13:38

Yes, no, maybe.

I think it does help if you know someone definitely wants to see you (but this could be either way round). If you've only been flirty for a week, I'd leave it today as you're not sure what's up.

Perhaps you could ask him out next week?

HeartShapedSaw Fri 12-Apr-13 11:09:58

There is a guy in work who I have been flirting with since Monday. Proper flirting to the point of innuendos etc so Im fairly sure he fancies me.

I'm off out Tomorrow night, and so is he. He mentioned to me what bars he would be going to when we were talking, but all I said was that I didnt really drink in those places.

What I can't work out is if that means he wants to run into me in town? I would feel an absolute twat if I did turn up and he hadn't really meant for that. So I was just going to go out with my friends where we usually go and pay no more thought to it, but a male friend of mine said I should take the chance to see him outside of work and go to the bar he mentioned.

I guess I'm asking what I should do. I'm 90% sure I'm not going to basically stalk this man but maybe my friend is right and it was his way of trying to see me? I figure he would just ask me out though if he wanted to.. but I don't want him to think I'm not interested iyswim..

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now