What are the most important qualities of a relationship/marriage?

[Mosschops30]

To you?

I'm still dealing with the fact that I have ended my marriage over seemingly insignificant but important to me things.

Just wondered what everyone's ideas were on what you couldn't do without from your OH

[cory]

trust

feeling safe with him

feeling I enjoy being with him

being able to be myself with him

feeling I'm good enough when I'm with him

[Dahlen]

I don't think it's a case of what you can't do without. I don't think any adult relationship works when one partner needs the other for any reason. IMO, it works best when you don't need the other but simply want them for who they are and how they make you feel. It's a lesson in not taking each other for granted.

OTOH, as someone who has two failed relationships behind them, I could be talking out of my arse...

[ouryve]

Being able to trust each other.
Mutual understanding. That doesn't mean agreeing on everything, but it requires a certain level of communication and respect to be possible.
Actually liking each other's company.

[TroublesomeEx]

Honesty, openness, transparency - trust

Kindness, thoughtfulness, consideration

Mutual respect

It sounds so easy when I put it like that!

[gomummygoes]

Trust.
Mutual respect.
Compatible morals/values.

Have had one failed marriage and now one wonderful marriage. Those three things are the fundamental differences.

[tigerdriverII]

Kindness
Humour
A little bit of surprise but not too much

[Andro]

Love
Trust
Respect
Communication
Affection

All of which have to be mutual!

[LouLouH]

When I first wake up in the morning looking like shite/dragged through a hedge backwards and he looks and me with pure love and adoration. Its only been five years but he still looks at me the same way as he did back when it was the "honeymoon period". That is the most important to me (and him) because the day he doesn't look at me like that I'll know hes looking at someone else like it and he'll be torn limb from limb

[WallyBantersYoniBox]

Trust
Respect
Kindness
Thoughtfulness
A basic amount of fiscal sensibility

[deleted203]

Things in common.

Whilst they say 'opposites attract' I have found that the most important thing for DH and I is that we have a great deal in common. So, because we like the same type of houses, furnishings, activities, humour, politics, ideas on raising kids it has meant that we generally get on pretty well.

I can imagine that if you like very modern minimalist furnishings and have a DP who likes comfy, old fashioned period properties you are setting yourself up for a domestic battleground. How tedious it would be to be arguing over the type of wallpaper each of you wanted, for instance.

[TroublesomeEx]

Yes definitely communication and having things in common too.

[deliasmithy]

Humour
Effort
A Desire to "make it work"
Shared values
Caring about the other person
Listening
The ability to Let Things Go
Space to grow

Im a work in progress on one or two of these things ;)

OP, we all have different things on our list, some we can bend, and some are non-negotiable. Sometimes they are small things but represent something bigger. If it was important to you then it wasn't small.

[YoniABitBewildered]

Respect, consideration, chemistry.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

Shared moral values - knowing that you can trust him to make a decision if you're not able to for any reason because even if he might choose a different methodology, he'll still be aiming for the same goal.

Respect and a certain amount of genuine admiration.

A total lack of squeamishness about each others' bodies and other stuff.

Listening to each other.

And, as always, seeing me as a person first and a woman second. The most important one for me.

[navada]

Trust.
Humour.
Kindness.

[ThePavlovianCat]

Mutual support
Trust
Respect
Having fun together
Willingness to put the other person's needs first

[coalbunkersareblue]

I'm surprised only one person has put chemistry...

I'm just realising what a negative effect lack of sexual attraction has had on my marriage

[YoniBottsBumgina]

For me I think chemistry comes as a result of the other things, rather than being a separate thing in its own right. Don't know about others.

[niceupthedance]

I was going to put chemistry or physical attraction.

But this is only sustainable if other conditions are favourable:

Respect
Bit of ambition or get up and go
Sense of responsibility
Things in common/fun

There are so many ways to not comply with these fundamentals, I wonder if I will ever want a full-time relationship again. Ho hum.

[RememberingMyPFEs]

Love
Trust
Communication (tackle the small stuff so it doesn't get big)
Respect and equality
Friendship
Desire to make it work

After 1 failed marriage, now in successful marriage and the big difference is communication!!

[FasterStronger]

positivity
liking each other
fancying each other
shared values

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

Kindness, thoughtfulness, honesty, integrity, responsibility, reliability.

The same qualities that are important for any relationship (family, friends etc).

One of the reasons I love and admire DH so much is that he always does the right thing, even when no one is watching. He is trustworthy in every area of his life (professional, financial etc).

[worsestershiresauce]

Someone who accepts responsibility, doesn't accuse or blame, shares household tasks fairly, and thinks of others before themselves.

[mumblechum1]

Not blowing stuff out of proportion
Trust
Genuinely caring about the other person
Having a laugh, especially when things are a bit shit.

After 25 years together I think the not blowing stuff out of proportion is just as important as the other stuff.