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Help :-(

(141 Posts)
Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:10:07

Hi everyone... I really can't see a light at the end of this tunnel... My partner of 12 years came home from work one day and out of the blue told me he didn't love me anymore and he couldn't "do this" anymore... He walked away from 2 children, a mortgage, nice car and a loyal honest woman.. :-( he's acting like he doesn't know me... I'm am 100 per cent sure there isn't anyone else at the moment.. People keep telling me there must be but I seem to know his every move and the bonus of the kids face timing him on his phone.. Lol... Does this really happen?? Do people just fall out of love one day and throw everything away?? I'm a believer in talking and trying to sort things out. I'm totally devestated, being sick, not eating hardly anything.... Will this get better??? :-(

ladyjadie Tue 23-Apr-13 18:22:52

No harm in a bit of attention! It's brilliant you've stayed away from the drunk texting!

Jennymailen Tue 23-Apr-13 17:12:54

Thankyou grin I think the weekends keep me going. Lots of lovely friends around me (mainly getting me drunk) but oh well.. I have even been managing going out and no drunken texts to him which I thought I'd never get over doing.. May sound wrong but the attention I'm getting from men still feels weird as it is only early days I feel.. But that keeps me going as well. I thought no man would want a single mum of 2 kids.... But it seems they do grin but NO way am I ready for a relationship.. No harm in being wined and dined tho

ladyjadie Tue 23-Apr-13 16:57:55

I am so glad you are realising you are happy! When you can be happy on your own, that is the best feeling in the world, esp as you say your life revolved around trying to make him love you for so long. Maybe he is happier in a caravan. But so what?! It is time to think about Jenny. Happy Jenny=Happy kids. Keep posting here, you have lots of us rooting for you smile

That's really good to hear you are feeling happy. Have been wondering about you.

Jennymailen Tue 23-Apr-13 13:50:59

Just thought if update u lovely people... The karma train is slowly arriving.. The ex is living in a static caravan at his cousins house in a field... Wow!!! He really hates his life that much hey!?? I'm moving on and I'm actually quite happy I think :-)

Jennymailen Fri 12-Apr-13 20:43:15

Yeah I've text about 30 people the text I was going to send him so I'm getting a lot of abuse back at the moment off my friends.. It's making me feel better

Sparklyboots Fri 12-Apr-13 20:30:05

Stay away from the text! Is there someone else you could contact? Sorry it's tough right now.

Jennymailen Fri 12-Apr-13 20:18:18

Feeling really low and fingers are twitching so thought I'd get on here quick :-(

Jennymailen Fri 12-Apr-13 11:30:19

No I know.. That's what everyone's saying. If he can't afford to pay bills etc in his flat the first thing he will do is refuse to pay the mortgage.. Maybe I could try and push a legal agreement where he signs to pay it?? Not too sure anyone would agree to that tho would they? The lack of guilt he doesnt have really winds me up tho... He was all happy talking about his flat etc to the kids yesterday.. I pretended I was interested but I just really wanted to punch him in his smug face angry I hope when he's settled in it and has his fun down the pub for a few weeks and is sat in there one day he thinks shit, I left everything!!!! I know he will have too much of a good social life tho really... The village is forever having street parties where he knows everyone.. I don't think he will get lonely and that's what pisses me off really.. He won't get time to think sad

moonabove Fri 12-Apr-13 11:12:19

Agree sparklyboots. OP has already said numerous times she doesn't think there's anyone else involved so best left at that.

Definitely need to get all arrangements legally sorted out - he has shown he is capable of being very unpredictable and that there's a lot of unpleasant stuff going on in his head.

He might well realise his mistake after a while, he might well be sincere at the time he makes his promises of support but there's no certainty and he can't be relied on.

Sparklyboots Fri 12-Apr-13 00:38:33

Well done Jenny for getting through that, it must have been tough. Hold onto that sense that you are both a bit happier already! I would be inclined to get his mortgage promise in writing though - have you got legal representation?

Just wondering if it is really helpful for OP to hear constant questions about another woman/ man, what does it really matter if the material facts of the relationship are that it is over, he is moving somewhere and planning to co-parent, and OP is beginning to accept this new reality? It seems to me like actual practical advise is what's needed here - how can OP get a watertight agreement on the mortgage? How should she support her DC in situations like the one at school, and what might she do to make the split clear but bearable for them?

Jennymailen Thu 11-Apr-13 23:03:22

There def isn't another woman.. I ended up going out for tea with him and the kids.. It broke my heart.. I will never ever do that again :-( he wanted to show the kids we can still be friends.. I just wanted to cry.. But it did make me realise he seemed happier and I think I am as well.. His little uncouth behaviour tonight made me realise how immature and what a mistake he's making.. He told me he will pay the mortgage still as well.. That's all I wanted :-)

shellbu Thu 11-Apr-13 20:26:56

maybe there isnt another woman , but another man maybe , you say he has feelings of hate towards women , just makes me wonder if hes been hiding gay feelings for a long time , plus he doesnt want you knowing where he is going to live , seems strange .

TisILeclerc Thu 11-Apr-13 20:15:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moonabove Thu 11-Apr-13 19:46:43

Have one on me wine

Jennymailen Thu 11-Apr-13 19:45:06

Awful :-( I need a stiff drink confused

moonabove Thu 11-Apr-13 19:31:08

His feelings of hate for women are his feelings and no fault of yours. He will have to deal with it and whatever else is washing round his head.

It is so sad for your relationship to end like this, I think one day he will bitterly regret how he has behaved but that's another thing that is no fault of yours.

Hope you are okay this evening, you must feel very raw and vulnerable but I think you are being so strong. Adding my ((hugs)) as well.

TisILeclerc Thu 11-Apr-13 17:54:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jennymailen Thu 11-Apr-13 17:52:38

He's picking them up in an hour :-( I'm really nervous and feel sick :-(

Jennymailen Thu 11-Apr-13 17:36:32

Yeah I totally understand that.. If I moved address he would want to know where his kids are. The school are dealing with the children and they are involved in their mentoring programme already

badinage Thu 11-Apr-13 16:44:23

Your kids have received conflicting messages and so it's no wonder there is confusion as well as upset. I'd suggest popping into their schools and talking to someone about what's been happening. I think it's a bit trite to assume they'll be fine; they clearly aren't fine especially your eldest.

It would also concern me that someone who you think is having a mental breakdown and who seems to hate women, is going to be seeing them tomorrow if only for an hour. You absolutely mustn't go but I think they'll need a lot of cuddles and reassurance when they come back and the opportunity to ask you any questions they might have. But please resist the urge to pump them for information about your ex.

You really must get some legal advice, but AFAIK it's absolutely standard for parents to require the address of where their kids are staying. But there really is a reason for him not wanting you to know it, because with-holding it defies logic unless you've been violent and abusive towards him in the past.

Jennymailen Thu 11-Apr-13 13:09:35

He's only taking them out for an hour or so for a walk down the seafront I think.. I want to go with them :-( I want to enjoy time seeing my children happy with him :-(

Orchidlady Thu 11-Apr-13 13:01:57

Oh jenny these are all normal feelings it is such early days. I would suspect he is displaying guilt not hate. I have learn't you can not make someone love you. Could kids not go you his parents for 1st visit until flat thing resolved?

TisILeclerc Thu 11-Apr-13 12:49:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jennymailen Thu 11-Apr-13 12:40:45

I am blaming myself now.. He has so much hate so it was obviously me.. Yes I am normal tho (I think) my life revolved around him... Looking back I suppose I tried to hard to make him love me confused

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